Some thing very strange happened to me right when I got out of bed. I went to my computer which i do every morning to check things out and had a friend request on my Facebook. I always get excited to see who it is. Well it was from a girl I knew in 1979 and worked with her. We became good friends and shared many lunch hours drinking. Thought we were really getting away with something. She had a very bad experience after a christmas party that we both got trashed at. She was raped on the way back to her car so long story short we had a drinking past. I had moved away so its been a long time since I have heard from her. We sent notes back and forth catching up. I mentioned that I had quit drinking about 2 years ago. She wrote back that she needed to quit and that after her divorce she has been as bad as ever. I didn't know what to do. I really dont want to connect with someone who is a heavy drinker. I waited and asked God what he wanted me to do. So I just wrote and told her my story and how much better life is now that I have been in recovery and found AA. She told me she was drinking as she was writing and I could tell. So Im not sure why all of a sudden she has found me and not sure what to do with it. But I guess I will leave it alone and direct her if she ask. Any advise will be welcomed.
Aloha Susie...You might not know and your friend may not either but I believe that when you turn your will and your life over to your HP things will begin to happen that HP knows. You've got 2 years sober and an opportunity (HP directed) to give it away to someone still drinking. The contact was made to you, from her, as directed.
Letting go and letting God has real consequences. Do the next right thing? give your program away and keep it.
I too had thought about the AA Resonsibilty Declaration.
But, I didnt see that the Gal was reaching out asking for help . According to the original post, she did say she needed to quit. Hmm .. maybe that means she needs help.
Hey Susie - I usually run things like this pass my sponsor, in a meeting, and with some A.A. friends. If I get the same response from the majority that is what I will usually do. For me, that one of the ways my Higher Power works through others.
Thanks for sharing this, I sometimes need reminding of our primary purpose.
Thanks everyone!! Just needed a bit of reassurance. I try to sit back , talk to others and pray before action these days. A bit of growth on my part!! Nice to have others opinions. Thanks.
If she contacted me a second time, I would suggest she call the AA helpline, because it is generally not good for either the drinker or the AA member who is a friend to try to do it together. I cannot stop relatives and friends drinking, nor can I do the same job of 12-stepping a friend or rellie as someone else can, I tend to get too attatched to people close to me, so IMO, I'd help her to connect to another member through the helpline, then as someone suggested before, leave it in God's hands.
My very best friend at school has frequently asked me to visit her, and on the couple of occasions that I have done, she has asked all about AA, and what it entails, but has gotten gradually drunker, going through at least ONE bottle of wine whilst talking to me. Her father and sister both died drunk, and she is heading the same way.
I had to stop going to see her, telling her that if she ever wanted help to either call the helpline, or call me and I will take her to a meeting, so I haven't heard from her very often since, except when she's drunk and doing what I always used to do, phone up old friends she hasn't seen for a while, and she can never remember doing it next day.
I really would love to help her, but I do feel it is better left to someone who doesn't have memories of a good friendship which lasted all through high school and into marriage and having kids etc. Best friend I ever had, but I cannot afford to go visit her and watch her getting more pissed by the minute.
__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Thank you everyone, this ESH is answer to a thread I almost posted. Last week, a long-term friend and major drinking buddy showed up at a meeting. I was thrilled and so happy for her. She is doing out-patient treatment and AA meetings. We have connected, but mostly I've encouraged her to develop her own program away from me, because my feelings might get in the way of the best AA advice. For example, apparently she continues to hang with our third drinking club member and good friend, which I consider very dangerous activity in early sobriety. Rather than her feel my advice to severe the connection for now as having secondary motives because of our connection, better that she hears it from a sponsor, or someone with longer sobriety than I (five months). I hope I can share what I do have in five months, and we've talked about going to a new meeting out of town together, next week. I'm just nervious, because by hanging with me she may feel torn loyalties. It has crossed my mind to wait until she's been in the program longer to renew the friendship. Maybe it's better for her to go to meetings with others. I've brought it up with sponsor, can't remember what she said.
I usually go to "God will not give you what you cannot handle" and if you don't know how to handle it, "Ask God for help" and you will do the next indicated thing.
-- Edited by angelov8 on Saturday 24th of October 2009 01:50:43 AM
This one hits home for me too. Not an "old friend" going through it though, but a best friend and the one that guided me to the rooms and let me stay with her for the first month of my recovery. It's a convoluted story but amazing how our lives have paralleled since i have known her and now it's my turn to try and be strong, but not controlling.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
