Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation which we are detaching. It simply is a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person's alcoholism can have upon us and our lives.

I am making a consious decision to put aside those things which are outside myself----beyond my direct control, such as another person's mood, behaviour, thinking, I am practicing detachment. This concept is reinforced by members at meetings who urge "Live and let live" with special emphasis on "Letting go".

I can now see that, through these years I was trying to carry a burden that was not mine to carry. His/her drinking or sobriety were not my problems to deal with.

Alanon is showing me how to live with people- to accept them for what they are----I have no business trying to manage anyone elses life.

Many of us who have turned to alanon have done so in a despeate attempts to help those we love. We stay in alanon because we want and need help in learning how to allow others to deal with their own drinking problem while we concentrate on our own recovery