Why do we as alcoholics have such a hard time accepting and using others opinions or suggestions. This was really hard for me when I first came into the program. I was so stubborn and deviant. I thought I could do it on my own? Wrong... Countless vain attempts. When I got beat up enough by alcohol I surrendered and became willing to do the program as it was laid out in the BB and followed those folks that came before me- that had what I wanted.
I still see this self righteousness and stubborness in other areas of my life. Just last night I had a conversation with my wife about our son (10). She raised some good, well thought out opinions and suggestions on how to deal with an issue I'm having with him. My first reaction in my head was- don't tell me what to do... then I should've thought of that... then I'm such an idiot some times. In the end I thought about taking the suggestion and acting on it.... but wanted it to be something I thought of... WTF??? Still sick. The good think is I can recognize it today.. In the past not so much... I'm still learning which is good thing. Humility is key and I need it....
Practicing Humility in all our affairs, comes in time.
I just wanted to share something I do if and when I have a flair up, of say, "Well I Know I am right about this", old stubborn behavior of any kind. It will start to feel uncomfortable and then when I want to stop feeling this way, I practice a very simple and easy approach to rid myself of "myself" as in me, me, me, I simply go into my bedroom, get on my knees in a Praying position, lowering my head and will say a Pray of Help, or many different Prayers come to mind that I will do.
But the amazing part about this, in my opinion, I have changed my body position, into a what I feel is, a completely humble to God first, and by making this physical change, it brings about an almost uncanny change in my thoughts, my thoughts begin to fade, and also brings me directly back to my Spiritual Life, and from that point of view, all judgments are lifted, and I feel a complete shift in preception.......it's Always about letting ourselves be held my our Higher Power that I choose to call God.
Also, "active listening" can help too.
Good to see you here Posting, and thank you for bring this top of the list- attitude... to the Board today.
Hugs, Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Thursday 22nd of October 2009 02:21:45 PM
One thing though: while I love the rooms and the people in them, I can be circumspect and try and maintain degree of common sense when listening to what some folks say. Some old-timers told me to do that, and I do. Just like they said, is you loan somebody money in the rooms, view it at a gift (that's helped me deal with lending a guy with three years in £10 and never getting it back, lol).
It's my life: I'm not going to risk it by doing something some guy I don't know tells me to do.
I think that the key thing is balance. I listen -- and look for the common themes about what works.
Aloha Mike...great reality post!! For me when this happens, no matter who is on the other side of the conversation I look at the fear question. Why am I resisting and why am I afraid to simply just listen? What am I really hearing and why am I giving it power over my spirit.? I look at my experiences of fear in the past and how I reacted to it and then I go over the breakdown of the letters in fear that I learned in recovery. (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal. The evidence is false my justifications for reacting as I am are not real. Let it go...again.
When I came to the rooms, I didnt even know the definition of humility. I figured it must mean "to humiliate oneself". Well, no thankyou....I'd done enough of that already! I wasnt about to sit around with a bunch of drunks and tell my humiliating stories so you could all laugh at me and judge me! Then I heard the magic words: Humility is not to think less of yourself; it is to think of yourself less. Nice simple explanation, huh? Funny......all those humiliating stories that I thought everyone would judge me for and point and laugh? Well....Ive come to see:"No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benifit others. Quite a gift.
"Well, no thankyou....I'd done enough of that already! I wasnt about to sit around with a bunch of drunks and tell my humiliating stories so you could all laugh at me and judge me! Then I heard the magic words: Humility is not to think less of yourself; it is to think of yourself less."
What I love about this fellowship today is that every day I learn something new. This is great! Thanks Julie!
Hey Mike - When I came to A.A. I was beat down pretty (____) good. I had been beaten into "I'll do whatever you tell me to" and did for a long time. (humiliation) But, something happened. I started feeling better physically and somewhat mentally and had some, and still do, bouts of "ME" Some of the people that care about my sobriety will usually ask "whens the last time you were in a meeting?" And they will usually suggest a meeting that attracts a lot of newcomers.
I try to remember, to remember: They could be right, I could be wrong.
I hear ya, Mike! Without arrogance, I sometimes find myself not knowing how to respond. Most of my old, negative behaviors were the only ones that I knew! So my sponsor told me...
Humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less.
His humility exercise for me is six cigarettes butts a day. I pick up 6 a day and never, ever look to see if someone is watching. I just do it because it's the right thing to do. I am at that moment not me; I am a conduit for God's will.
