I've just got to say this and feel safe saying it here!! Went to a step meeting Sunday evening and a discussion (ladies) group on Tuesday at noon and I just have to say, I'm so humbled to hear such sad and difficult journeys and kept wondering if that could have been me at some point.. possibly!!
My bottom doesn't look like most of the others that share, my bottom was the isolation, shame, loneliness. I pretty much stopped drinking after 3 glasses of wine (that was enough to make me feel pretty much loaded) it was the next day or two or three feeling depressed and defeated... see I knew I couldn't stop drinking and I knew I wanted to. I am sitting there listening to these awful stories and wondering, how am I going to get strength from this.
Does anybody get me? I am checked in to an AA retreat this coming weekend so hopeful I can find connection there.
I am so glad to hear that you ladies got together and compared bottoms! Yes, I do think I know what you are saying. Carlotta, the program is not instantanious for very many people. If the meetings you attended did not work out for you, you can find another, but did you find anyone you might consider as a sponsor? I think you will find an answer to the isolation, shame, loneliness as you work the steps and find your Higher Power. The "awful stories" are there, but the "miracles" are there as well. Lay that concern of yours out at your retreat this weekend and I am sure you will get more of the uplifting stories as well. Hang in there!!! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Bottoms are different for different people. What we have in common is being powerless over alcohol. I got falling down drunk every day and suffered daily blackouts and I too had shame isolation and loneliness. Look until you find a meeting that suits you. Every recovery starts with one sober hour. You are on your way keep it up.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
Good first attempt Carlotta...Keep coming back is the suggestion and the next time you go don't look for the differences...look for the similarities. I looked at the differences and was bugged from the meetings and then when I got that similarities hint I then could identify. I am a chemically tolerant drunk. I can and have drank from breaking the seal to overdose and not felt anything in between. Of course there where lots of other things going on inside of me that I would not know until I listened for the similarities.
It is probably due to internet sites such as these, and also public information that people are coming into AA on high bottoms, which is absolutely fantastic. You are drinking your way to a bottom at which you feel you've had enough, and are very lucky that you want to end the misery NOW, instead of in 5 or 6 years time, by which time you will be at a much lower and painfully degrading bottom, so GOOD FOR YOU!!!
A RETREAT??? That is so unbelievable you are going on a retreat after just 2 meetings, I think I was around 3 years sober before I wanted to even think about a retreat, and when I did go, I wondered why I hadn't done so sooner. I still love the retreats, always feel like as soon as I drive into the monastry grounds there's a 'spiritual cloak' thrown over me, and 3 days of complete rest and relaxation is fantastic.
You have taken a tremendous step towards recovery, keep on keeping on. It's like a train ride, not many of us get off the train after the first few stops, and most take it right up to the point where the train hits the buffers, and it is a great feeling to see younger people in AA, and people coming in before they've competely wrecked their lives.
You're an alcoholic if an when YOU say you are, you need not take it one step further. Great stuff.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
I found the answer to many of my questions in the book. When I stay open-minded to interpretation and remember to stop comparing myself to others and just simply identify, then I do okay.
Ive heard it said the only difference between a high bottom drunk and a low bottom drunk is that One throws up and the other one pukes, lol. Everybody's bottom is different and I truely believe that there might just be some ppl sitting in the rooms of AA that knew their drinking was out of control and they wanted help. I also feel strongly that there are some ppl sitting in the rooms of AA that aren't real alcoholics. They are only moderate or heavy drinkers , the way the book describes.
I am a binge/blackout type drinker. I did not drink every day. I drank pretty much so every other or every 3rd day .
I remember being at a meeting a long time ago, outside having a smoke with some other members before the meeting started. One guy shared how he drank every day, even at work he drank. He drank when he woke up to get him jumpstarted, on his way to work, at work, after work at home, and then even in the middle of the night he woke up and had a glass of something alcoholic on his nightstand and he drank that too. I was like Wow !!! Im not that bad, lol. My head started playing games with me and I started to question myself ... Hmmm, maybe Im not an alcoholic after all ? geez, I dont drink like that guy did. I only drank 2 or 3 times a week, and I never drank in the mornings, blah blah blah ...
Well, I knew better , cuz I had gotten to the point of honesty with myself and I talked to my sponsor about it too. Thank God for Her !! She helped me to determine what was going on in my head.
I would highly , highly suggest reading the book, ( first 164 pages ), reading it over and over to at least a partial understanding of its words, and the esh of the writers. Then, get a sponsor, work the steps.
You are most definately in my opinion on the right track. You're going to meetings, your sharing, your asking questions and you are bringing your concerns to others. Keep up the good work, keep it simple . I must remember that each and every alcoholic I meet has suffered in their own way , just as I have. And I dont dwell on that. I look to the solution to the problem. Knowing that there is a wonderful, fullfilling future in sobriety.
Not everyone has an awful story. Most just want to say no to alcohol, and find trouble doing it alone. I'm glad that you have found the board to help with your struggle.
Hey Carlotta, Nobody gets to AA by accident, including you. And yeah, I have heard of several people wondering whether they belonged in AA due to not having the really really low bottom. Mine was moderately low and I had reached the point of drinking every night and having blackouts, so I didn't have a problem with this. There were a lot of people coming to meetings from halfway houses or they were driven there in vans from rehab. I actually thought early on "I could have used that" but, ultimately I never went to rehab, a halfway house, and kept my job the whole time. I do truly think that in another year or so, that's where I would have been because it just reached a point where it was getting worse really fast. Aside from that, another thing to focus on is that AA is a way of living life that is spiritual, honest, and it hits upon self-improvement on so many levels as a measure of just growing whole. I have stated many times that the program could benefit anyone and in many ways we are lucky that we get to go. You are blessed that you don't have DTs and mega-brain clutter at this point and you might be able to grasp some of these things when all I could do what sit there and complain and cry for a couple months. Keep shopping around and stay open minded.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
A Retreat, that is great. I went to the Big Bash in Akron within my first year, well worth the trip, went with my sponser and her sponser. Almost went to Toronto but had to cancel out at the last minute. Hoping to be able to go to San Antonia though. Karen D.
Yes, I do think I know what you are saying. Carlotta, the program is not instantanious for very many people. If the meetings you attended did not work out for you, you can find another, but did you find anyone you might consider as a sponsor? I think you will find an answer to the isolation, shame, loneliness as you work the steps and find your Higher Power. The "awful stories" are there, but the "miracles" are there as well. Lay that concern of yours out at your retreat this weekend and I am sure you will get more of the uplifting stories as well.