hi, i haven't posted on here for a good while but received an email today reminding me of this board..........was a god send to be honest.
i fell off the wagon this weekend :( i've beenliving soba for 18 months and am completly gutted with myself its crazy how that one night has turned me back 18 months so quickly.......... i've not picked up a drink today, but i'm scared of wat tomorrow will bring, i hate feeling like this .............. has anyone got any words of wisdom they can offer me ???? i can't make my AA meetings for another few weeks, so will probably be on here alot over the next few weeks lol xxxx thank you in advance to any replys
Just hang in there! By the grace of God I've been sober a while and it's because I stuck with the winners, read my Big Book, used a sponsor and went to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous on a regular basis. there's no quick fix, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. Good Luck! Barb
Just get back on the horse D. What is great is that you have had 18 great sober months, and they have set a precident in your life where you know why you need to stay sober. It is tough to lose 18 months, but since we do this one day at a time, you are sober now. You are not strange to the program because you slipped. Just get back up and ride. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I'll tell ya what I do every morning and every night I ask God in the morning to please not let me pick up a drink today. At night when I go to bed sober, I thank Him.
I pray every day. I go to AA meetings and share my esh and listen to others. I sponsor other women . I read the BB , I work the steps. I stay in touch with my own sponsor on a regular basis.
And most importantly, I take a 10th step inventory daily.
You can do this D. Ask for help , its here, its there, and there is hope.
You know what you need to do - start again. It's day one and it's nearly over (in England). When tomorrow becomes today, then you deal with it and not before. One day at a time.
So why can't you get to your meetings? Why not go to other meetings? Have you got a sponsor? Have you talked to him?
What works for me is steps, sponsor, meetings, HP and service.
You've had 18 sober months, that's around 500+ days back to back. You've learnt stuff in those 500 days. This might be the best drunk of your life 'cos it might be your last.
Hang in there, come back often, share what's in your head and your heart, find meetings, talk to people, stick with the winners.
-- Edited by bikerbill on Monday 19th of October 2009 05:17:16 PM
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
You know what you need to do - start again. It's day one and it's nearly over (in England). When tomorrow becomes today, then you deal with it and not before. One day at a time.
Correct!!! bikerbill must have ended the first sentence with an apostraphe... My advice, from personal experience, is to take the drinking to its painful and horrifying end: your bedroom for several days straight (no meds!), your car, the hospital... Since in these corners of Hell you will find your spiritual growth...
Since you're up and running, however, you have already met the torturous end. Indeed, meetings it is. Spirituality you will receive there.
The medical community will disagree with me here, urging the recalcitant alcoholic to receive medical treatment like right away!!! (Librium and baby-sitting)This is true if the fellow sufferer is seizure-prone (low seizure threshold), but it is spiritually best if he make the journey into Hell; if once again, to sense the Power of God--if he were to develop and have real spiritual power.
I believe to this day that God is nearest to us when we are nearest to death (Him).
Is the reason you can't get to meetings for a few weeks a realy valid one?? It took me 7 years in and out of AA, on and off the wagon to finaly admit complete defeat, and when I was told, 'You MUST make sobritey your number one priority, sobriety comes before anything and everything in your life, without sobriety, whatever you think is important enough to keep you from it you will lose anyway'
I was by this time desperate enough to know that I had to put my sobriety first and ME second. NOTHING, absolutely nothing would have kept me from meetings, and that's how I got sober. Signed off long term sick from my job, eft a partner I was with then because he was very anti-AA and had previously stopped me from going to meetings.
Today my past is my biggest asset, the sober experience we have earnt is not lost, and another drink can be a kick UP the steps, rather than a kick DOWN them.
-- Edited by Avril G on Tuesday 20th of October 2009 08:43:47 AM
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
thank you for all your support, i think looking at this as a kick up the steps and to learn from it as the best way to stop kicking myself.............i can't get to meetings as i have no child care untill my mom and step dad get well, my mom has mental illness and my SD has just had a stroke :( ............ i suppose i'm worried of going back as well as i was doing so well, but thats my own pride bringing me down, i know noone will judge me and will only want to support me through this, i haven't got a sponser yet, i regulary attended meetings for the first year, but don't think i embraced the programme as well as i should, i know that i have to get back on the programme and work it properly, i think i may have needed this eye opener to show me that xx
I realize how hard it is to walk back into a meeting after having been drinking . I had to stick my tail between my legs, swallow hard and I cried when admitting my drunkeness . I kept going back tho, cuz I KNEW there was hope in the meeting rooms of AA.
I dont know details with your childcare issues D ... but far as Im concerned if a parent wants to go to meetings then I dont see any reason why they cant take their children to a meeting ( unless of course the group has decided to not allow children in a meeting ).
I have seen kids in meetings here in my neck of the woods .
Just something for you to think about.
By all means tho ... please keep coming back here. Stay away from the first drink and Ya wont get drunk.
I have seen children mulling around the clubhouse plenty of times. You came into AA with a child so this is what you have to utilize to get sober with. Also, I believe in just a little while, you will be seeing things differently and able to process what you learned from the relapse (only if you stay sober though). This is what I read in Tex's response above. You may have some of the same feelings you did when you started that 18 months of sobriety, but nobody can take away what you learned during that time which is that AA works and it works best when you embrace it fully. You are at a starting point now which is way ahead of the learning curve I was on when I stepped into AA. That is something to be grateful for as well. It does sound like you have some difficult circumstances going on with your parents and for that my heart really goes out to you. Stay strong and just do all you can to get to meetings and to find a sponsor.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
............ i suppose i'm worried of going back as well as i was doing so well, but thats my own pride bringing me down,
As ljc and pinkchip have both said, most meetings will come to some arrangement if a member needs to take children to meetings, we certainly do over here in UK anyhow.
Your quote above is an important issue to think about, just recently Bikerbill and I both attended the funeral of a very lovely lady who was sober for 25 years before she relapsed. She had the humility to get back to meetings, during which time she took on parts of the programme and helped more newcomers find their way in the programme, but never really took the whole recovery programme onboard herself, and many people were shocked to hear of her death.
The longest length of sobriety I had up to my last relapse was 6 months, and I got back (I am one very lucky lady) and was helped by a lovely lady whose sobriety I admired, and she became my sponsor. She sponsored me up to 3 years sobriety, at which point I moved away from Barnsley, and onto a new sponsor, during which time she stopped going to meetings for reasons God alone knows, but this is going back a good few years, and after 12 years of sobriety, she drank again, and over the last 8 years has been in and out of detox, rehab, hospital and sometimes back in meetings, but she just cannot get back what she threw away, and I dread getting the call to say we have lost her.
I have remained in close contact with her kids, (her son and daughter) and everytime I get a call from one of them my heart skips a beat, it is an absolute miracle that she is still drawing oxygen, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change it. Her going out drinking again was a very good, but very painful lesson of powerlessness for me.
I could go on for another hour's worth of talking about long term sober members who drank again and died, again Bill and I went to a young woman's funeral, she died a very painful uncomfortable death due to complete organ failure due to alcohol. It's a sad fact that not everyone makes it out of this thing alive, but as someone once told me, 'As hard as it is to accept, some people have to die in order for the rest of us to recover'
By the Grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have no desire, no excuse, and no reason to drink today.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
again, thank you to you all ............ avril i picked the phone up and called someone i know from AA, i'm going to a meeting saturday, feel such a sense of relief, i am going to embrace the programme this time, i know i have to if i want the life i've had these past 18 months back and to stat healthy, i don't know what i was so scared of, really quite upset and emotional at the mo and looking forward to going back on saturday :) he said my children should be ok to go on tuesdays meeting as long as no one opposes, but said its very unusual ........ back to the winers i go xxxxx
again, thank you to you all ............ avril i picked the phone up and called someone i know from AA, i'm going to a meeting saturday, feel such a sense of relief, i am going to embrace the programme this time, i know i have to if i want the life i've had these past 18 months back and to stat healthy, i don't know what i was so scared of, really quite upset and emotional at the mo and looking forward to going back on saturday :) he said my children should be ok to go on tuesdays meeting as long as no one opposes, but said its very unusual ........ back to the winers i go xxxxx
HEY WELL DONE YOU!!! I had a quick peek in your profile and see you are at THIS side of the pond (in England) - me too, in fact there are quite a few of us Brits on the forum. Two of us in Barnsley South Yorkshire and another one in Liverpool, wherever you are in England, I'm sure you'll get right back into the swing of it. GOOD LUCK. XXX
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
ooops looks like i put winers ......... i meant winners lol, yeah i'm on this side of the pond, west midlands, bleeding freezing here, prob much more colder up north tho xx
1. Don't drink. No matter what happens dont drink. 2. Ask you Higher Power for help each morning and thank your HP every evening 3. Go to a meeting every day. More would be better.
A sincere WELCOME BACK to you. As others on MIP know, I relapsed after 18 years sober even though I had been diligently applying all parts of the program for over 15 years (stopped going to meetings regularly at about 17 years sober). I stayed out for two years because of my pride and ego. I came back over 3 years ago and have been sober again since, regularly attending meetings, working the Steps with my sponsor, working with others, and praying daily with thanksgiving. It is a one day at a time program. As others have said you will come to realize that you have very valuable experience for "new" and "old" members alike. Don't let your head keep you away from meetings. The program will work again for you; just swallow the old pride, get back to your meetings and let people know what happened, and try to stay focused on one day at a time (or one minute at a time). Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
