What is new for me and I hope others can respond to this too is how I talk about mental illness and sobriety in a meeting. The book addresses it by saying (there are those too who have grave mental disorders but they can recover if they have the capasity to be honest) I don't have exact wording in front of me but my point is I haven't relapsed, I haven't given up on my hp-I have complications by having co-existing disorders coupled with alcoholism. I want to do a workbook on all the steps to show what happened what it was like and what its like now. So some of these posts will be part of that material coming together for me. I know there are behaviors I am responsible for and can change-others that are uncertain if it is something I can change or that I need to accept about myself. Another uncertainty I have is how to make my message hope for others who may find when they get clean and sober that they too may have an underlying mental illness. They can recover. I know from the stories of people in my mental health groups that until stabalized, educated between what is addiction and what is other condition they felt very "guilty" that they weren't trying hard enough or didn't have a "true relationship" with hp. This was my experience too. I have been away so long maybe more people in AA understand these complications now? This is the scary thing for me. Can I articulate the intense therapy it took to process this awareness and now to be able to stand confident I have a strong program and that is why I am back to 12 step meetings and out in public in other activities as well? My intention is to show there is help for any situation that arises and do what ever it takes to get the help and the 12 steps are the solution no matter if you are in a facilitated group or in a public meeting.
Aha!! I am a child of God, an alcoholic, a life long dysthymic with oppositional defiant behavior. I am dual personalitied, both drank at the same time as the other and I only paid for one of em. I can't ever remember getting a "balance due" invoice for the other. I have manic episodes and have suffered my entire life with nightmares. I am a father of 4 and grandfather of 14; have been married for 15 years this last time out and pretty much am on great terms with my community at large. I am fully accepted as being normal and a good guy with my neurological and emotional not even accidentally coming to anyone's attention.
This spiritually behavioral 12step program worked as suggested to the best of my ability with a strong relationship to the membership; tools of my higher power, has made it all possible. I get to live on a higher lever than I use to and have fun doing it. We no longer call it crazy.
I can certainly identify with that, though I knew I had depression and anxiety before alcoholism went raging out of control for me. It was lurking within me and it came out just as those other conditions did. I drank to self-medicate quite a bit. Now it is still being revealed to me what exactly I have and what was intensified by alcohol. I don't know if I will ever not have issues regarding mental illness, but I do look at is as all one glob of my disease. Like both are circles which overlap with each other and I need to treat both with a broad spectrum of treatment. I do think perhaps my anxiety would lighten up if I would stop drinking so much damned coffee and smoking so much. Seems counterintuitive to be loading up on coffee while I'm feeling panicky. Shrug. Anyhow, you are certainly not alone here Z.
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Zahndi, You are not alone. The people who put this program together knew what they were doing and you're right "if they have the capacity to be honest with themselves."
I, too, have mental disorders. AA and the Steps help me circumvent and sometimes disable the thought-traps that cripple my coping abilities.
Having mental illness doesn't mean one isn't good. Nor does it mean that an individual isn't productive and interactive in their community. What it does mean is that there are certain conditions that alter brain chemistry and function; just as alcohol is a disease various forms of mental illness is too. I am not saying crazy. That is exactly what causes so much pain for newly recovering addicts and alcoholics. They misunderstand themselves as well as others misunderstand them. I hope to be able to talk about this just for this reason but at this point it takes me so long to articulate; (another result of TBI) that I am not able at this time to think fast enough for dialog in a meeting. I have long pauses.I have noticed too that many conditions neurological and emotional arent visible and again it is why someone can be so misunderstood. I agree that this 12 step program works and that is why I am back. I did have years of not being able to cope due to inabililty to connect the dots. Along with head injury (TBI) and the PTSD and Major Depression accompanying it I needed the time for my brain to form new pathways and relearn certain cognitive skills. Until that transpired I wasnt able to realize what other people were experiencing by my behavior. It is difficult to know the precise characteristics of each condition yet by using the word mental illness I mean to say with great respect that there is more than meets the eye. 2 people can have the same diagnosis and one can be incapacitated and the other highly functional. So my point is when people see me back in the program I want to say what happened-if I dont choose my words carefully I get the response similar to JerryF which I interpret as Im doing fine why arent you? Just work the the program. Because we have more advances in medical understanding we have an opportunity to inform each other of the many variables to an individuals recovery. Again I say my struggle is in being responsible for what I can change and to know what is to be accepted. I carry the serenity prayer coin in my pocket to remind me to keep an open mind for myself and others.
I don't think that's what Jerry meant to do. You are going to get a lot of responses about people trying to identify with you because that is what we do in AA right? We identify with others and help each other get through things a day at a time. Yeah there are unique situations and illnesses that cause others to be more incapacitated than some, but the universal message is hope and that WE all get through things together and none of us is so special because of any condition we have because we all are alcoholics and if most people don't have the illnesses I do, it doesn't matter because someone does. If I don't understand exactly what you are going through, then explain it better to me so I can. That's the only way I can help you and vice versa.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I see my sensitivity more clearly today. Thanks Jerry and pinkchip for sharing with me on this delicate but not so unique issue. I do understand (some of the time) how we all have the same solution no matter what the individual problems. This is why my hp has nudged me into this forum. I need to hear others experiences and to experience acceptance. I thank you all for being here. the traditions make it possible for me to learn how to live. Just as the steps have taught me how it works individually the traditions are teaching me how to work together as a group
Having been to many AA meetings, and at 48 years of age, I started taking some medication that is allowing me have a clearer mind.
I was just stopping by here, because the secret is in acceptance. AA taught me this principle and the entire 12-step program is the solution. Thanks for starting this thread, it's exactly why I came here.
PTSD from seeing my alcoholic father beat by mother regularly, and all that went with it seems to have set me on a depressed path. Not having a proper role model or nurturing parents didn't help.
The AA book was written before modern medical science came up with the pill that I take. AA has always told me the magic pill never existed. I take these meds and can think clear. I quit smoking, drinking, and many other bad habits. One habit at a time, and I use all the knowledge I learned while wet to get me here today. Its still hard work. Habits are hard to break. Now I am dealing with deep emotional traumas to fully decompress those deep inner emotional breaks. Im looking at several options to teach me how to live healthy.
I recently discovered Dr. Kohls's video series on utube about mental illness and how "the illness" doesn't really exist in many cases. Its emotional problems that send a person down the wrong path. I had a traumatic childhood. (PTSD) Dr. kohls is really an honest brilliant man. I urge all to go view the videos. This is truly a breakthrough the American Medical Association will not take up. You will have to learn about it through a peer like me.
The alcohol and drugs were taken to bury that pain. I have lots of work to still do, but I am feeling better everyday that goes by, better than ever. Hopefully I will be medicine free in the near future, but I'm so happy I found it in the first place.
