From early infancy onward we all incorporate into our lives the message we receive concerning our self-worth, or lack of self-worth, and this sense of value is to be found beneath our actions and feelings as a tangled network of self-perception. --Christina Baldwin
Lifting our self-esteem is not a particularly easy task for most of us. It's probable that again and again our confidence wavered before we sought help from the program. It's also probable that our confidence still wanes on occasion. The old fears don't disappear without effort.
But each day we can do some one thing that will help us to feel better about ourselves. All it takes is one small act or decision, each day. The program can give us the strength we need each day to move forward one step.
Today, I will do one thing I've been putting off. A whole collection of "one days" will lay the groundwork for the person I'm building within. -----------------
We progress to the Sixth Step by working diligently, to the best of our ability, on the first Five Steps. This work readies us for a change of heart, openness to becoming changed by a Power greater than ourselves - God.
The path to this willingness can be long and hard. Many of us have to struggle with a behavior or feeling before we become ready to let it go. We need to see, over and over again, that the coping device that once protected us is no longer useful.
The defects of character referred to in Step Six are old survival behaviors that once helped us cope with people, life, and ourselves. But now they are getting in our way, and it is time to be willing to have them removed.
Trust in this time. Trust that you are being readied to let go of that which is no longer useful. Trust that a change of heart is being worked out in you.
__________________
Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
hee hee...very good Phil. I'm thinking that was conscious?
It was that Smart dude I think, who said....
Don't you love it when a [program] comes together?
Tis days like this when I don't feel isolated with the program at all...my own 'understanding'...does not seem so seperate or abstract, or distinctly different...instead I can see it as part of the larger group conscience...AA is a we thing...piecemeal has always worked...bits that follow and fit together or stand alone, doesn't matter where you set your horizon...it's all working around us.
I love it.
On Stepping:
When we realise we don't need stuff anymore (like the crim in us, our self centredness, even the way we bellow like we are still in the bar...) and we hand it over and it goes and we make it through, to a place where we want to share it with others because the process is just so freeing...we have to look back to share it, and there is one blatant thing that shines out like a beacon... After making our admissions, and establishing a belief, change began with a decision. That decision and the process that follows (if you stay on track) is what we are compelled to run around sharing in our 12's. Those who can't make decisions can't move past step 2...I have met many who are happy just knowing God and that's ok...but I was looking for a little more. I had a problem with living. I figure those who who haven't learned to shed their fear, analyse and develop a conscience of their own will take longer to get to step 4...there are many too who sit there revelling in there own pain...victims, with no intention of moving beyond. And there are also many others who soldier on, and come to know unity in all its dimensions by walking through to ten and developing a maintanence program by actively practicing the last two and entering into a constant revolution through the program.
We admit and come to believe...then EVERY other thing we feel compelled to face begins with a decision. The decisions are always our own to make, but it helps if you have friends around who aren't afraid to call a shot when you ask for it...and give you something to object to, weigh up or just flat our reject.
So having said that...
On avoidance:
I don't think practicing avoidance is part of the AA program - in fact, it is very important, I think, that we strive to face ourselves and our problems directly. Avoidance is a common coping response, and I remember it being a regular topic at Al-Anon meetings (a very different focus) I understand that Al-Anon's try hard not to rescue, and often remove themselves from situations in which they may attempt this.
Could someone please explain to me why AA's would offer no support on an online board (where there clearly is no threat of direct rescue) and an evasive comment to a fellow member who is asking for help? I have tried, and I can see no reasonable explanation for this, and yet it continues, so I must be missing something... What is the fear? Is it just a habit with no reason? Is it something like blokes keeping whale hooks in their fishing box, just in case? Do folks think people don't really want an answer?
I ask folks directly - because I genuinely would like to understand this:- Surely you do not doubt yourself that much that you are unable to guide from within your own experience, strength or hope, lean on existing laws or guidelines, or help someone clarify or analyse to move forward?...Would you respond like that if someone was standing in front of you asking you whether they should jump of a cliff?..."Oh, I really can't answer that!" It really has me buggered...I just don't get it. Can someone please explain?
But you already answered it...at least for me you did. "...in fact, it is very important, I think,that we strive to face ourselves and our problems directly."
I posted the other night in alot of pain and frustration. But the next morning I knew that the overwhelming feeling was gone and I could face the day anew. You guys let me figure that out for myself, while offering me love and friendship, which is what I needed.
It would be very easy for me to tell someone to get thier a$$ to ameeting, but as Matisa pointed out, I don't know the situation they are in. They may not have a car, or gas money, or whatever. So I try to be careful telling people what to do, because I don't know what's really going on in thier life. I can offer my love and friendship, I can tell them what I do in thier situation, but I can't tell them what to do.
I hope that helps...just the rambling thoughts of my mind.
Nic, Have you ever been in a situation where someone ask your advice, they took it and things turned out terrible.How many times have I told a friendI thought she should consider leaving the lying, cheating, drunk and instead she stayed with him and left me sitting by the side of the road.Or she left and blamed me for making her leave.
I have found it is easier if I help to guide someone in their search, you know, write down the pros and cons, talk about the possible outcomes,but the person asking for advice always has to make the final decision without my influence.
Your question about a person going to jump of off the cliff, well my Mother took a bottle of pills 11 years ago and I came in shortly after she did, I thought by the way she was lying in her bed and responding she'd had a stroke, then I found the empty bottle. Of course I got her to the hospital right away and later she was in a mental hospital for awhile. Was I a hero, No... She has told me many times over the years I should have left her there to die. Am I glad I didn't,yes. Did I do the right thing, the right thing for me, maybe not for her.I don't live in her body or her mind,but I don't regret what I did.
Yes I can share my experience, strength and hope on this board. But I feel there are a few things that a person needs to sit down with their sponsor and spent time going over.I have never had a sponsor who gave me much advice on personal things, she listened, prayed with me and for me.That's been my experience.
Hi girls, sorry for the delay getting back. Am a bit bogged down with approaching exams but thankyou for answering me.
I have sat here looking out the window comtemplating this today.. and I wonder if because I am regularly tested (in terms of study) whether I have come to trust that there are in fact right and wrong answers...while I would not step forward if there was any doubt in my answer, I do know that if something intuitively feels right or is obviously defined (like the law or anything in which we have defined goals or guidelines), I am willing to stand today and speak.
We all have different experiences and I have to remember that. My sponsor would never have let me get away with 'talking and not walking'. She always pushed me to be true to myself and and my word. The emphasis on supporting the newcomer has always been paramount, and the moment I felt any sort of obvious stress or self pity I was redirected into rehabs, the psych ward or A&E to face the reality of my disease and make amends with my past, among others who were still suffering. Even today out here and away from the city, I've found the Universe still sends me drunks to help me whenever I feel ratty. I don't think, in all honesty there was too much that was gentle about how I got sober and learned to stay sober. And the truth is, I think it makes me uncomfortable when folks deal with me gently. It doesn't feel at all familiar and I always notice it gives me somewhere to hide.
I feel suspicious and wary when I notice it...so I begin looking to folks words and trying to match them to their actions. I do this because I'm trying to trust that those hugs and the love on offer are real. I am scared of a whitewash - because an AA whitewash is possibly more dangerous to me than any other kind of whitewash.
I do hope you both understand where I'm coming from. I am gentle when I handle babies, and newly hatched chicks or kids. I try to be gentle with old people and I know I still hug my gran probably a bit rough...I am gentle when I walk into schools and work with kids, or when I see a shop assistant close to breaking point. But alkie's need to break...well, I do. Gentle persuasion is like water of a ducks back for alkies - well, the ones I've met anyway. If we can ignore it, we will, and we will stay stuck in situations for way longer than we need/want to. We are constantly striving to break the denial that plagues us, in the interests of progress. To me, that means facing each other and being honest, not just about ourselves, but also about what we can now see with some level of clarity around us.
I spent 5 of my 7 years as a Dual member of Al-anon and AA. That was just pure selfishness on my part I've decided, because I wanted to be a part of everything and keep my options open, so I didn't miss any of the social benefits. If the AA's got too tough with me, I could run away and the Al-Anon's would kiss and hug and pat me on the head. It also provided some pretend power over my relationships, like I knew something better, or had some special key. Now, when push comes to shove, I understand which program I must continue to work, if I want to survive as an alkie out in this world without the regular meetings, conventions, weekends etc. My sponsor used to rouse on me, and tell me to stop molly coddling myself at Al-anon ...I never understood. Now I do. I realise now that for a long while I was so empty and fearful it really was about what I could get...now after standing on my own feet for a bit, and truly valuing the sobriety I have today, I realise it's about what we learn to give.
It's important we look to our words and ensure they are consistent with what we are actually doing. If we can't walk what we are talking, it's unlikely the talk will really prove helpful. We must speak from experience, and I have to remember that experiences go the the whole gamut.
So, that is todays reflection/meditation/ramble/chatter...
I hope everyone is having a good day and I will head back into the books,
It really has me buggered...I just don't get it. Can someone please explain?