Goodluck, Crystal x Your decision is a great demonstration of recovery & sobriety first. You won't regret giving yourself every opportunity you can to grow. Keep us posted dear sister, Danielle x

If the topic has to do with your soberiety it's relevant.

You said it all, it's a toxic relationship and he's not nice if he doesn't get his way.

We can't change People Places or things so where is this going. I think your soberiety may be more threatened if you stayed.

Believe me, stay the course of soberiety and beautiful people will come into your life.

If theres one very important thing I have learned from being sober and working the steps it is how to have relationships ... with anyone.
This includes a relationship with my husband, my Mom & Dad, brothers, sisters, co-workers, other AAers and even the stranger in line at the grocery store .

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the first 164 pages explains very well ( thru the shared experiences of the writers ) how to go about dealing with ppl when we are getting sober.
It most certainly does not tell us to blame others for our sickness. and it does state that we can get sober regardless of our circumstances.
Now, this does not mean that I am suggesting in any way to stay in an abusive relationship and only the person in a relationship can make that decision.

Id like to share my experience that I had in a similiar situation Crystal .............

I first tried to get sober in 2002. Prior to this time for at least 10 yrs my not then husband and I were pretty much so drinking partners. Now, he could not and did not drink alcoholically like I did. When I stopped drinking, he did not. I was devastated !! I thought how could he do this to me ?? Geez, I didnt know at the time that he wasnt doing anything to me.
So, I moved out of our home cuz I figured shoot, I'll never be able to stay sober if he is still drinking . He was not and has not ever been abusive to me and he never drank at home around me.
I had my own place , I had 2 jobs, and I was going to meetings , staying sober, blah blah blah. Then I got lonely. Remember I had been in this relationship at that time for pretineer 12 yrs. It was hard to let go and move out, I was scarred to death . But I kept telling myself that I was not gonna stay sober and I was ultimately blaming him for my drinking. This is all prior reading and knowledge of what our book says too. I was listening to others in AA and taking their advice. Not a good thing to do sometimes.
Nor did I heed the unwritten suggestion to not make any major changes in the first year of sobriety. Another big boo-boo on my part.

I stayed out of the home for close to 7 months. like I said, I got lonely, not only in a romantic way, but financial as well. My not then husband asked me to come back home and I said okay. Within 2 wks . I was drunk again. And I stayed that way pretty much so on with on and off sobriety till my last drunk in 2004.

There wasnt any abuse during all this time, nor is there today. Simply and honestly put I was just pissed off cuz I wasnt getting my own way. I figured since I was getting and staying sober that He should change as well. Wrong !!!!! My sobriety is about me , nobody else but Me. And when I learned to keep the focus on me and treat him like a stranger and be cordial to him during those ruff times, I got better . Hmmm... imagine that.
I had absolutely no business moving out on my own, leaving him while I was still so sick and trying to get sober . Heck I was in a fog for the first year of being sober , I really didnt know what the heck was going on.
To late now to look back on the past really, cuz its over and I cant change it. However, I learned a very good lesson from that time in my life.

Fast forward to today -- Me and this same Man are married. We were married in my sobriety which was a very nice gift. He rarely drinks anymore . And of course there in the beginning I had him tagged as an alcoholic. I mean c'mon, I was an alcoholic, he must be too right ? lolol, God when I look back at some of my sick thinking then, I really have to laugh at myself to keep from being angry with me.
Thank God for my sponsor who helped to keep me calm when I was losing it on any given day cuz I couldnt have my own way. Thank God for her giving me suggestions on how to get thru a bad day without drinking.
If I really think about it ... she and God helped to save this relationship, and taught me how to deal with ppl, no matter who they are , or what part they play in my life.
Today , Im very happy, and happy on a regular basis . I am thankful to my husband today ... and he is for me as well. I made ammends to him with a 9th step and continue to do so sometimes on a more than Id like basis with a 10th step. He never, never gave me my walking papers in all the crap, and horrible things I did to him while I was drinking. Do, I owe him for this ? No. I owe it to myself thru sobriety and God to be the best wife I can be to him, cuz thats the kind of person I am today . And I acheived that attitude thru the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Id say do what ya gotta do Crystal. Think long and hard before making any big changes and always, always pray about it.

Crystal,
Wishing you the best with your decision.  God will reveal more if it's the wrong decision.  Have faith, keep a clear head so you can hear/feel his messages.

Please continue to write on the board on your progress so we can all learn from this. 

Crystal, in this context this IS a relationship board, anything at all which is disturbing my serenity and sobriety is talked about in AA meetings and message boards. I expected to see a post about someone trying to pick up newcomers on the board, which is NOT done either here or in meetings, but still gets done, we're not all as well as we sometimes like to think we are, and newcomers are very vulnerable.

If I can help in any way with personal stuff, I have a wealth of experience of leaving a partner in order to stay sober, and remarrying and divorcing again (three times so far)   It is the most frightening thing to have to face to put yourself first in recovery, even if it means leaving a partner behind.

I lived with 2 kids at my parents home for the first 3 years of my sobriety, having left my then partner, and then moving out and starting over again a single mum was a real struggle, but it is a struggle I would happily go through again if my recovery depended on it.

Through pain we grow I was told, and I wanted to yell, 'But I don't want to grow anymore, I'm gonna be ten feet tall soon'  Just take that leap of faith (blind faith in my case) and as one door slams shut another one slowly opens, and you will be amazed further down the road to recovery how you wil look back and say, 'THANK GOD I did that'