today was kinda along day for me rain most of the day. remindes me of what iused to do on days like this ,but i did not want to go there! i think yas know what that would be. so i just watched some tv. i guess im just one who has to stay busy.just thougt i would get allittle off my chest as it makes me feel better ,god bless all WAGON
Yeah ... my moods seem to come and go just like the weather sometimes. I don't take them too seriously anymore. I try to just watch them float by like the clouds.
I spoke at a meeting tonight on the 11th step. Yesterday I started coming down with the mother of all chest colds and I was feverish most of today. The last thing I wanted to do was speak at a meeting tonight. Turned out I left with an "attitude of gratitude". Wish they had a pill for that !
Slowly but surely I'm becoming more able to bring myself to appreciate and feel gratitude more ... changing my thinking sure takes time. The 11th step has really helped me a lot with this.
I'm not by nature depressive and have a tendency to fire up rather than slump...but a few years in I met someone who was to become such a good mate...and we remain in touch now. He had a lot of trouble with depression, and still does. After a silly attempt at a relationship, I slipped into a pit of self pity and decided that I was going to try hanging about under the doona for a bit...
After talking to my answering machine for a bit, and only getting a greeting from the pooch when he called in, he decided to come back when the kids finished school and check I was ok. They let him and he stood at the bottom of the bed laughing at me, when I told him to bugger off through the pillow. He demanded I get up or he would have to resort to drastic measures and I kept sooking and saying "Go Away, I just want to be on my own!"
He slunk out to the kitchen, said his farewells to the girls and said he'd be back the next day. Then I heard the front door close. Before I realised it, he was back had whipped the doona off of me and threw a saucepan of water all over me! "Whoops...NOW you've GOTTA get up!!!" He was laughing and I was swearing, calling him all sorts of names and asking him what the hell was he thinking and why on earth he had done that.
He kept grinning and giggling through the whole thing, and sure enough I fired up and started throwing pillows at him while I stripped the bed. Whatcha do that for??? Do I do that shit to you??? I kept rousing on him.. calling him names...
He just kept grinning.. "Of course you would. You're my mate, aren't you?"
So...our friendship is a funny one...wonderful, silly and special...but I do trust that he is one that understands, and has come to know me...he knows how to snap me out of self sabotage. And needless to say, he taught me how to respond when he sinks into one of his 'moments'. Am afraid he gets nothing short of a very stern: "On your feet mate, we're out of here."
I can't actually send you a saucepan full of water mate...but I can share these thoughts. And from one AA to another, you do realise I would have to pass on my experience?...Give you what others have given me? ....Probably a good thing we have such a lot of distance between us, huh?
Wendy sent you a rainbow!! How cool is that? I collect them...so if anyone spots (and photographs) one, I'd love it if you could send them my way.
All the best Wagon. We are allowed a bad day...tis life...but if something repeats itself three times, there's a good chance we should have listened the first time.