I hope you all had a good weekend. I had a really nice weekend myself. Although, I'm sure I'll get some disapproving replies, I'll let you in on my small victory. For about 6 weeks I had plans to attend a birthday bash for my best friend's wife. They have both been true friends of mine for as long as I can remember. They are currently in law school around an hour from home and I don't see them often. They also had invited several others to join the festivities. (some close friends and some aquaintances) Well, long story short, I decided alcohol was not going to take that event from me although a big part of the night would be spent in bars watching people drink. I know I know..it's dangerous to be around bars when you suffer from alcoholism, but this weekend was different. Maybe it was because I was with true friends and not drinking aquaintances, but I didn't feel that compulsive urge to join in on the boozing. I actually had a really nice time just making sure everyone was okay and making it home safely and didn't mind drinking water all night. It was a good experience to watch the late night bar scene from a sober set of eyes. I say people that undoubtedly acted the way I had for the last several years and I just felt that sense of disapproval running through my mind again. I realized what I perceived to be sooooo fun was actually embarrassing and no way to live. Also, I remembered how lonely a bar can be, which is ironic because I generally went to bars to meet people. And I also realized that nothing I want in life can ever be found in some dingy bar at 2am. Anyways, I'm still comitted to working the steps and attending meetings and taken the proven approach to my alcoholism, but I was glad to know I could enjoy time with friends minus the booze and that it didn't appeal to me to live the bar life anymore. I will just continue to pray that my mind stays in the place it was/is now.
Well OK, well done for attending this event and staying safe. as you say the difference is that these are friends, not drinking buddies.
Way i see it, it's OK to go to a wet place if.......... you got a good reason to be there, like a meal, a celebration, a business meeting... you are prepared to walk out if you get the itch..... you have talked to another alkie beforehand... you have your contact numbers with you..... you have examined your motives.....
remember that if you go to the barbers often enough, you will end up with a haircut.
I used to try to go drinking with the boys at work when we met up for team meetings, me on soda, them on beer. I soon found that watching my mates get drunk and talk trash holds no value for me. I tortured myself by seeing the new staff drunk and realising it used to be me and I used to be like that.
Now when team meetings roll around (very rare these days) I'll do the business thing, I'll do the social event like the clay pigeon shooting or the go karting, I'll do the meal. I won't do the pre dinner drinks and I won't do the post dinner boozing. i was recently taken to task by a senior manager in my company at an all hands event, because I didn't turn up for pre dinner drinks and made to leave shortly after dinner. I wasn't being a team player, I was being miserable and devisive. He was in his cups so i didn't bother trying to explain, just walked away. One of his coleagues caught me up and asked what was wrong with me. This guy was sober and trustworthy, so i explained that I don't drink any more and I'm not comfortable with being around people getting drunk and that there was nothing wrong with me.
Sometimes I think I should have a variation of the No fear T shirt.
Front side: Doesn't play well with others.
Back side: others have a problem with my sobriety! (was others have a problem with losing.)
Anyway - well done for attending this event, enjoying it and staying sober. Just don't let it go to your head.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Very well put Bill. I agree 100%. I always liked the old "if you go to a barber shop often enough you will eventually end up getting a haircut". I know for me I wouldn't even want to be in that situation. The way I see it I have 2 choices to make. I have to decide if I'm going to go to a dangerous place for me, and if I do go, I have to choose if I'm going to drink or not. I always pick the easier choice, and that's choosing not to put myself in a bad place. It's easy for me to decide not to go, and harder than hell for me to choose not to drink. I remember a time (not too long ago) when I would have been absolutely fine going to a bar or social event, but today is not like that for me. Maybe it's because I just celebrated my first ever 6 months sober yesterday, but I still have allot of growing and learning to do, and I don't have 100% faith that I can look at that glass and say no. It's awesome that you made it through, and I give you allot of credit for hanging in there. There may come a day in my sobriety that I can do the same, but right now I just can't. Besides, all my true friends wouldn't want me to be in that situation, and would respect my decisions (because the only TRUE friends I have were the ones who scraped me up off the sidewalk and took me to the hospital when I was in a bad way, so they know what I'm like). It's good to hear your experience and see your strength. Brian
First please let me say this, and hope you will take this really "in". ok. : I am definitely NOT coming from a place of dissaproval, but when reading your Post, on how you made your decisions before hand, and then were able to follow through, that turned out just as you thought.
So if you take away the dissappoval out of this, and see it as a concern, plain and simple concern, there is a saying around here, that has proven to be the case for many many Alcoholics.
"That every Alcoholic will experience a moment where they will not have any human defense against that first drink"
My take is that you are very new to this, and might lack the experience and knowledge that you will gain in the next year or two, to deal with that above said "moment".
"We are Powerless over Alcohol, and that our Lives have become unmanagable". Right? our very first Step.
My own understanding, is that we cannot simply "think" our way into sobriety, it is based on a very direct connection to a Higher Power, that I choose to call God.
I am so very happy you are choosing to use the AA Program, and find a Sponsor and working the 12 Steps. That is in sum, the first Step.
So I feel you were blessed with not drinking. And when you find yourself in the Program, and working the Steps that lead us up and out of the Disease of Alcoholism, believe you will discover that the tried and true Rx for the Disease is: a stong Spiritual life that will keep you safe when those "moments", should they raise their heads, as in "I can't, HE can, and I let HIM!"
You might feel like I just tried to rain on your Parade, but I do feel, at least for myself that I tried that "thinking" my way into sobriety only proved for me anyway, a deeper, more destrustive bottom in the Disease.
I really don't know you dear, and do not assume that I know anything about your relationship to your Higher Power, but sure hope that he was there with you when you took that big step in attending this event.
Hope you have a great day, and thank you for Posting this morning.
Toni
Another AA saying is this: "My best thinking got me here".
-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 5th of October 2009 12:58:40 PM
Aloha Braggheim...Wow the responses...Double WOW the caring, experience, strength and hope. Should I ever contemplate standing just off the edge of the cliff myself I would want these people to talk to before I tried that.
When I learned and fully accepted that I was powerless over alcohol I left all doubt on the table when I walked away. I left my excuses and justifications and I left my pride and ego too. I had finally found something I would say "Uncle" to without fear of any consequences. I know alcoholism and I know me with my only problem being me (the only solution being God).
I had the drinking friends and others who got angry at me and finger pointed my resistence to drinking in anger. Why where they angry that I said no? I know why and I also know that at times I would drink because of it. I have the family that use to stammer..."You're not an alcoholic!!" and then I know me and I don't hang with them. "I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanag -able" means to me that I don't place myself in harms way...ever. There are no justifications to place myself in harms way again. I have done that voluntarily and participated in the progress of the disease of alcoholism up to experiencing toxic shock...overdose. I did that with my very best thinking and my very best excuses to do it and my very best lack of experience on progressiveness and/or the disease of alcoholism.
Against my approval, planning, awareness and unwillingness Alcohol still knocks; in my thoughts and in my dreams. I don't have a "just don't" mind set when it comes to this mood, mind, behavioral altering chemical and my addiction to it. I know it and it knows me intimately. Today I network with relapsers more than the old timers because I need that information to stay on top of my sobriety and do my part while God is doing God's part. I've seen tooo many prior sober members of this fellowship secumb to the fatal nature of what we currently carry with us. I want to die sober and sane. The most serious part of my insanity was arriving at the mindset that I was "immortal" when it came to drinking.
Thank you God for every recovering member of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous who has led me to the rooms of reality and taught me that the definition of humility was "being teachable".
Hi Braggheim. I too am so glad that you made it home safely. Just remember to stay vigilant. It is indeed good to realize that there is NOTHING for us in bars, that drinking can't get us where we want to be in life, and that we are not going to meet anyone who will truly stay special in our lives, in a filthy stinky bar, no matter how "glamorous" the surroundings.
Good for you, and just keep the warnings here close to your heart. Also, thank you for reminding the rest of us how crappy and boring bars really are!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
