Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> A humbling step nine miracle
Post Info TOPIC: A humbling step nine miracle
Aquaman


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1201
Date:
A humbling step nine miracle
Permalink  
 

Okay, so my wife put up wit not only MY bulls*** for fourteen years, but her Dad's before that. He's staying at our house for a week or so to take some stuff off of my "honey-do" list because he's retired and if he doesn't stay busy he'll wither away. He's an alkie who has cut down a lot since my wife went off on him, but he still drinks.

So, Wednesday during the day he goes off to the bar, ties on on, goes to our basement, shores up his buzz ( i know sneaky drinkin' when I see the same toolbox go back & forth to his truck six times in two hours) and then sits down to watch "Law & Order:SVU" with me. Fine. I can smell it on him and then he starts babbling to me about crap I care nothing about and interupting my new selfish pleasure - TV.

I started to seethe. He knows damned well that I'm in The Program, but he still comes into MY house smelling like a bar and spewing drunk talk. First time in 90 days I've been truly angry.

Next day I ask my wife if she noticed and she said "yeah, I noticed." So I say "I'm coming home to tell him to pack his sh** and get out.

She says "It won't do any good for him, and just make family life worse. Think about the kids. He's their only Grandpa and even though he's a douchebag, he's the only one they have. So no, you're not going to say anything to him about it."

WHAT I said! So she says this...
"You're angry, frustrated, dissapointed and powerless to do anything about his self-destruction and it's effect on you, huh."
HE** Yeah!
"That's one day of what you've both put me through all my life. Suck it up, soldier. You just started making amends to me."

Whoa. Very humbling and truth that making amends is about more than apologizing until we feel better, if we truly want to right the wrong we've done, except when it would harm them or others.

Rob

__________________

I alone can do it...but I can't do it alone.
StPeteDean


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 6464
Date:
Permalink  
 

Rob, you don't want to sink down to the old man's level. You've got to be more sly than that. Suppose, when he opens his tool box for a cold one, his beer is gone and there was some AA literature in it's place?  biggrin


__________________

 Gratitude = Happiness!





Jerry F


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3278
Date:
Permalink  
 



And you went thru all of that without wanting to go run for a drink yourself...Maybe
you really do want what we have.  Your wife paints a mean picture of how it was
and how it is right now.   Bless her and tell your HP your grateful for her support.
She would have had me walking on the ceiling looking for a corner to slink into and
she still would have been helping me on the journey.   God I loved my sponsor
more than I loved my wife back then even though she was more invested. 

God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves and has all the tools...LOL

smile


__________________
Aquaman


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1201
Date:
Permalink  
 

Oh Jerry - I wanted to. That nasty brain parasite said stuff like "he'll give you one if you ask and then you two can be pals again, just like old times.", but like The Sponsor says - "that parasite will never die, but you gotta starve it to keep it weak."
Yup. I'm very grateful to my HP for my no-nonsense wife.

Of course I want what we have. I could be using this time looking for crap on e-bay that I can't afford, or looking up trout recipes, or researching why my dog eats snack treats from the litter-box, or looking at cute pictures of cats with funny captions, or trying to settle once-and-for-all who was the first artist to record "crossroads", or listening to theme songs from 70's TV shows (I really do that...it's kind of pathetic). 

But no, I'm hanging around a bunch of alkies...right where I belong. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hankering for the "Welcome Back Kotter" theme song....

 http://www.televisiontunes.com/Welcome_Back_Kotter.html

or Rawhide...
http://www.televisiontunes.com/Rawhide.html

Peace,
Rob


__________________

I alone can do it...but I can't do it alone.
bikerbill


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1497
Date:
Permalink  
 

Aquaman wrote:


WHAT I said! So she says this...
"You're angry, frustrated, dissapointed and powerless to do anything about his self-destruction and it's effect on you, huh."

"That's one day of what you've both put me through all my life. Suck it up, soldier. You just started making amends to me."


Ooooh that smarts!  But she's got a point. Soon though will come a time when she doesn't feel the need to slap you like that.


 



__________________

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
BB

When all else fails - RTFM
pinkchip


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3809
Date:
Permalink  
 

It sounds like you have a very healthy take on this Rob...But...just in case you get to feeling too guilty (like in a real destructive low self-esteem way) remember that she didn't choose to have an alcoholic dad, but she did choose to be with and stay with you while you were drinking. That was her choice. Saying that now would blow up into a huge fight though more than likely, but it helps to sort of know that I think.

__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
jonijoni1


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1683
Date:
Permalink  
 

"I'm grateful for a no nonsense wife"....................

Amazing how quickly wives get "no nonsense" on husbands who have become alcoholics.... LOL

Great share, Rob!

__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do
that which you have no ability to do.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> A humbling step nine miracle