So the last few days I've been in a fight with myself because of things I have no control over. "Wait a minute" you say, "that's self getting in the way, and trying to take back control from your HP". These things I know, but just seemed to be stuck in my head~a very scary place for me to be without adult supervision. I tried once again to win an argument with a 4 year old (my son), and let some *&%# bill collector rent space in my head. I just felt spiritually disconnected. We talked about it last night in the meeting, and I got so much love and support it was amazing. Then a woman shared and said one simple phrase..."don't give up, the miracle is usually right around the corner". Suddenly like a bolt from a bright blue sky, all seemed well, and I FELT the return of the connection with my HP. Chalk up one more spiritual experience for me as proof that this program of recovery truly works. I had to share, and hope that if there's someone else out there going through some hard times... don't give up, the miracle really IS right around the corner.
Brian
-- Edited by Reffner on Thursday 1st of October 2009 04:46:47 AM
That's awesome Brian. And yeah the things that piss me off (or that I react badly too ) the most are "the things that I can not change" because I have no control over them. That's my disease trying to set me up to have a drink. When I look at it that way I can usually "oh no you don't" and turn it over. At that point I need something else to focus on. Either a task that I can do today or gratitude.
My son was 2 when I got sober and he has an IQ of 143. It's amazing how smart they really are at 4,5,6... I found that my best weapon with him was humor and distraction. He was only acting up (doing something that he knew he wasn't supposed to) in order to get my attention (love). If I responded to him negatively he would be getting into a pattern of seeking negative attention. I explained to him this theory (at 3 yo and he got it). I told him that when he wanted my attention or love to walk over and grab my pant leg or tap me on the arm and say "do you have a minute for me?". And he began doing that, and I stopped what I was doing, out of respect, got down on one knee (or lifted him up) and asked "what can I do for you little man?". He would tell me that he was a boy not a little man lol.
Most times, when he was into something that he shouldn't I'd distract him with a joke. I used to rub my hands together and ask him if he knew what I was doing. He'd ask and I'd tell him that I was warming them up so that they wouldn't be so cold when I spanked his butt. He laughed and started warming his hands and telling me the same thing. That was our little joke and it worked well especially in public situations. I could call his name from across the room, smile and rub my hands together. Instead of feeling humiliated he felt the love, laughed and promptly forgot what he was doing when I distracted with a loving gesture. I had already decided when he was a 2yo that I was never going to spank him. We had a discussion about it and I told him that I was going to need his help in order to not have to spank him (getting him involved). What happened after that was a lot of discussion. I had to explain everything (why this and why not that...) Imagine that, I had to learn how to communicate lol.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 1st of October 2009 06:14:33 AM
Of course Reffner, you will never stop having those moments of "Dang...why did I act like that?" but they will get further apart and you won't worry so much about having done it. Both incidents you described sounded kind of like daily life experiences in which you get annoyed like most people would and kinda get side tracked....nothing worth making concerted ammends for. And yes, a large part of the miracle is going to meetings, letting positive energy in, and letting go of stuff that just doesn't matter that much.
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Awwww...Brian....Mahalo Nui (Thanks much) for that post. I needed more for my hope chest and there it was. Letting go and letting God and not getting in the way.
Reffner, Thanks for using the phrase "rent space in my head". I've seen it on this forum before and now, thanks to your context, I know what it means. Anyway... I had a short fuse the other morning because I slet a bit too late and didn't say my morning prayers before getting out of bed. I dropped my razor. I got hot-headed and started to say "GOD DA..." and stopped short and said "GOD GRANT me the serenity.....". It worked.
) the most are "the things that I can not change" because I have no control over them. That's my disease trying to set me up to have a drink. When I look at it that way I can usually "oh no you don't" and turn it over. At that point I need something else to focus on. Either a task that I can do today or gratitude. 