I have struggled for a long time with trying to rationalize to everyone why I still have problems seeing my son (access being slow to come on her part, and not willing to co-operate). Everyone is so puzzled as to how it can get that bad. Easy, you aren't a recovering alcoholic.
I also fought so hard with the idea that I was never involved before how am I going to do it now ? I see him less than ever. Inevitably, and by October 15 I am supposed to have him for a visit, it's in the court order. She has had since Aug 31 to get comfortable with it. I just realized she isn't comfortable and it is getting under her skin. Instead of trying to work with the situation, she is fighting it, and not getting used to the idea sooner, but later. She is just complicating it for herself, if I do get him it's a bonus. And whatever we get to do together, it's ours. OUR TIME TOGETHER, not anyone else's, it's up to my son and I as to what we do. And nobody gets to pass judgement anymore. Took me a long time to figure that one out. God, I'm so immature in this program
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
Aloha mstrmsn...We all growup in this program "sometimes quicker, sometimes slower". I relate to your situation and came to a deeper understanding thru the 4th step...Seeing me as they had seen me. I started to understand why they resisted at times and was able to broaden my acceptance and alter my approach and behaviors rather than just justify with "being in recovery". I caused a bunch of bruises and bad feelings when I was just "being me" then.
Hey Scott, been there done that. Time can smooth those things out but you have to refrain from engaging in the mud slinging. It took my x-wife about 2 years to realize that she the only one talking ****, when I'd just say "have a nice day, talk to later..." and hang up. Eventually I guess she felt stupid and quit acting out. We even became friends somewhat. Whatever helps you to get more time with your son, think about like that.
Hope that you keep going in that state of Mind, as in your Post Title.
Just Like our first Step, we are also so very very POWERLESS over PEOPLE, PLACES and THINGS.
Custody issues can be such a Red Hot issue, but NOT IF WE DON'T ALLOW it TOO, right. And as you said, your time with your Son is YOUR precious time, between you and him. No one can take that away.
But as Dean Suggest, spouses, after a divorce, and divorce can be very unpleasant indeed, some can choose to play their antagonistic Games. But it comes to a screcting halt, If you can simply detach, lovingly detach. I would practice that, and we can get to the point of being "non-reactive to any and all of it.
October 15th is just around the corner, what are your plans, hope you have some fun and happy stuff planned.
Little Boys Love their Daddies ssooo much.
if we do not see you before that time, hope you two have one fantastic Time together as Father and Son. Nothing could sound sweeter. You have been throught the wringer with all of this, and this is NOW YOU TIME!!!!
Hope to see you back and telling us what a wonderful time you two shared.
It sounds like you have a healthy view of things. It does suck that wreckage of the past is so intense in terms of families/custody/marriage...I guess I am lucky in that regard to not have children. On the other hand, you have a deeper purpose in staying sober which involves being the father you were meant to be and that is intensely spiritual and hugely motivating. Regardless of time spent together, you can and are a caring father and just letting your son know that you love him as much as you can is a wonderful thing....so much better than having a drunk dad, abusive dad, absent dad, or noncaring dad. I applaud what you are doing and like everyone else, just support the notion of having patience and courage to keep doing it without letting it create havoc in your mind.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
