Yesterday I went up to North Yorkshire to see my Mum and take her out for a dinner. On the way up I realised I'd forgotten to take the plain loaf for my Mum (any scots out there will know what that is!). I decided to ring a friend from the fellowship, to see how she was doing and to offer her the loaf.

Her neighbour answered the phone and was very guarded about what she had to say. As I know this lady had been sober for a very long time and had returned to the drink, then I had previously decided to respect her wishes and keep the f*** away for some 6 months or so, but I loved this old bird, she was one of the first to welcome me in the fellowship and as we say round here, she was never backward in coming forward.

She got me to buy my first big book by shoving one into my hands and telling me to bring the money next week. Well she's been suffering with a broken heart due to her husband, the love of her life, succumbing to dementia.

This morning another fellowship member called me to say that this lady died yesterday and she was found by her neighbours. I'm saddened at the death of a friend but in a strange way I'm relieved for her as her suffering is over. Of course many people in the fellowship point to the 25 years of sobriety and the 6 months of boozing, but concentrate on the last 6 months. I feel this is unfair and corrupts the memory of this lady. Mind if that's how some people choose to view it, then they have that right.

This lady was a forerunner of AA in Barnsley, helped to set up numerous meetings, helped to set up the local 24 hour helpline, helped many people, me included, through those first rocky 6 months. But hey, when the chips were down and she couldn't or wouldn't accept life on lifes terms, when she left the fellowship and stopped the meetings and the programme, when she pushed everyone away and isolated, when her heart was broken and she couldn't cope, she defaulted to the bottle. Sadly she had just started to turn around and try for sobriety, but maybe she just battered her body too much, heart bypass and all.

Well anyway, the contrast is I went to a meeting this afternoon, I didn't want to be alone with this knowledge, and the meeting I went to, I met my sponsor (who lives in Belgium and comes back home every 5 weeks or so) quite unexpected. Well it was his 21st soberversary. Great to see. Also at the meeting was a newcomer. Also great to see. I told the chair of the meeting of the sad news and the chair decided that as there were so many people there who knew the old bird that it would be best if she told the meeting. I think she was right in that.

Without taking away from my sponsor or the newcomer, I bathed in the love and warmth of the meeting, most of whom knew the lady who died. I bathed in the glow of my sponsors sobriety, I witnessed and participated in a message of hope for the newcomer.

Hey, thank God for this fellowship, thank God for the friendship and support I find there, thank God for the ability to ride the problems without a drink.

Thank you for listening. I feel better now.