Many of you have seen me post in the past about my relationship issues with my wife. Briefly- During the last 12 mos my wife had an affair with a friend of mine and the husband of her friend. She said it was just an emotional affair, who knows, she's lied each time after being caught several times.
I gave her several opportunities to end the relationship if she wanted to continue ours. She said she would and continued to communicate with him. She eventually learned/admitted it was an obession, compulsion and a need(temp fix). Sound familiar? Then she would be self absorbed, decietful(sp) and lie. Spiritual loss of values???
Well, I went for legal advise and set some boundaries. Divorce is not a fear for me. I do have 2 kids (12 & 10) and been married for 13 years. Financially I'm solid and could provide for me and my kids.
After the latest episode; I told her I was pursuing a divorce and she went into a melt down and told me it was over for good. She needed help. She ended the relationship and she's going to a therapist and started Alanon.
I've continued to work on me and my program. Worked with others and came to believe that my HP put the wait flag up. She's making changes in her life and now I'm an observer.
With help I asked myself the following questions: do you think this relationship can be healthy for you and the kids if she gets help? Do you think she really will get help? If she was healthy would you want to be with her? The answer to these are yes at the moment.
I'm going to do a 4 step on my part and wait to see if the actions she's taken continue. I'll work my program and turn the results over to my HP.
Mike, that's a beautiful working of your program. My heart feels a soft melting care for your humility & willingness to love her & care for yourself & your children at the same time. That is a hard balance to achieve but I feel you're asking the right questions & giving the right space. God bless you in your difficulty. I am feeling for you & willing you strength through these days. I feel your HP strong in you too. With you in this spirit, Mike. Goodluck & Godblessings for you all, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Aloha Mike...Those are some very good recovery assets for you. Your spouse has to make her own inventory and amends for sure. I came into AA from the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups and continue to attend both sides of recovery. There are huge similarities and huge differences in the program and what I have to focus on in my life. Of most important in my relationships is the one I have with my HP because if I don't have that one I don't get to have the others. I have always learned much from recovering Alcoholics who have had to deal with a spouses infidelity (only one of the issues) with AA alone. Your response to the situation is very sober. Thanks
I went through a similar situation a little over a year ago Mike and am impressed by your outlook on this. It is hard to think strait in that situation especially when you are working on your sobriety. For me it has worked out very well and we have a healthier, more honest relationship. You are doing what needs to be done, I wish you the best.
Yes, I think you are doing well with this one and I think a lot of your wife for realising she needed alanon. I admire your ability to set these boundaries and the fact that you are a responsible person who can forgive. This means a lot.
Mike, what impressed me was your lack of fear. Fear is at the heart of my step 4 list and the first thing I tell my HP that I'm willing to have sequestered away from me in step 7. I don't know who said it, but I read something that goes a like this...
The one who is ruled by fear is a coward. The one who feels no fear is a fool. The one who feels fear and overcomes it to do what's right has courage.
Sequestering my fears and putting First Things First opens my will up for my HP to stand by me as I do what's right. You sound like a good man.
