Joni,
I can't answer this for you..... Lord only knows the many things that ex and I went round and round and debated over.
What I DO suggest is that you take a DEEP breath (inhale) and slowly release. Close your eyes and ask your HP for enlightenment. That's what he/she's there for......when we need it the most. And look how far HP has carried you through your sobriety. Soooo the way I see it......the ole boy/gal....would probably help you through this one too. Will put in a few of my own comments on your behalf that you'll be given the right answer(s).
Best Wishes,
Wanda

jonijoni1 wrote:

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They want Josh (my husband) to get it up and running out there. They are buying the house next door to the new shop, and want my husband to stay down there full time for a week, and then the boss' son will stay a week, back and forth. UGH!!


We had talked about moving down there, but I love my job, and neither of us really wants to live full time out in the boonies there. Not the greatest area in the world, to say the least. Nothing at all going on down there, just the turnpike and that is about it.

Now.... we have struggled in the past to get through some "issues" with him having done things he should NOT have done with other person, which I could easily have divorced him for. But we have gotten through that. I want to trust him. I do trust him, but this is a real test, him being gone for a week at a time!! He wants me to come down on his weekend there every other weekend, and bring the dog, go out to eat, yada yada.

If you believe that people can change, as you have changed then examine your fears. You already say there's nothing down there and that your husband wants you to come down on his duty weekends - he's not hiding things is he?

I spent years and years living out of a suitcase, how my wife coped I don't know but the money was big and i could hide my drinking. People do this sort of thing. my brothers and brother in law still go off for days or weeks at a time - they're all still married (mind you none of them are alkies) but they communicate with their wives. in the past they all misbehaved, they don't now. I suppose they know which side their bread is buttered.

So pray, talk to your sponsor and talk to your old man about your fears. 

thanks all, for sharing your understanding, and your ES&H as well. I think he already KNOWS I am worried about all this, we have gone down this road (of what I fear). I am usually pretty good about just "leaving it alone" and letting it work itself out. No matter how much worrying or nagging or checking up I could do (which miraculously, I don't), what will (or won't) happen, will (or won't).

I just need to pray. I was fully ready to carry on by myself the last episode, don't know what drew me back, but I was pretty darned calm, and grateful for having MYSELF these days, no matter what anyone else does. I looked at him as a sick person, like the BB talks about. We took this to our HP's (Husband is not an alcoholic but has HP), and that was good stuff.

A lot has changed lately. I have seen the most generous, caring and attentive person I could ever hope for lately in my husband. There is tenderness like there never was before, there is much talk on his part about our future, and what WE are building together in life.

I think my decision for now is just to leave it alone. I am powerless over others. But I CAN prevent myself from trying to control the outcome of our marriage. The best thing I can do is to be myself, support his work ventures, and whatever may come, I have ME, and have treated him the very best that anyone could treat him.

Thanks all, for your love. I think I am through the initial "panic" now. Moving forward, one day at a time.

love and hugs,
Joni

Not this quick, Dean. This is all going to come about October 1st. And then, at some point next year, he will pass it off to another manager.

It is actually farther from my my work than MY HOUSE is!! It would take me way over an hour to get there. Ugh.