Last night, my oldest Son took me out to celebrate my Belly Button birthday, and we were in his car on the way back to my house to unwrap some presents, there were two other peole with us..
Out of the Blue, in his car, he asks me....Tell me Mom, do you think I might have a possible problem....he went on to say that he does at times have one or two, tops, glasses of wine with his dinners. Then continued with no, not every night. Just some nights.
Going back aways, I will say thank goodness he was not living with me when my disease really got very bad, but he did visit a lot, he lived right down the street with his father. But it was a well known fact that I was an alcoholic, and he had seen me in some really horrible shape at times.
So going back to that question. I was sort of at a loss for words, for I had firmly believed that he had escaped the genetic marker. I just calmly said, well you know my history, and most, if not all the men, on my Fathers side, (there were 7 brothers) all together, and my own Father had died a very tragic death when he was very young, (26) so dont know if he would have become a heavy Drinker, but I did know that most of my uncles probably qualified to be called Alcoholics, but never did go to AA.
I think I got off topic, but I said, "well you know that on my father's side of the family they were very very heavy drinkers". And because this was a private matter, with the others being there, really did not want to keep going in this conversation.
But today, I think I might ask him to simply answer the 20 questions. I do believe that any time my Son has ever drank anything with Alcohol in it, like when he has been on a vacation, it scares him a lot, and with good reason, me and my history.
Being only 90 days into this program, i can't offer much in the way of "advice", but i do think the 20 questions should answer what is troubling him.
The good news is, IMHO, that he RECOGNIZES the potential he has for trouble with alcohol and he is being ever watchful. At this juncture, i don't think you could ask for more than that!
Aloha Toni...I've made it a practice to (without preaching or making it the only thing I can and will talk about) let the grandkids know a part of my story. I let them know that if they ever find themselves questioning their relationship with alcohol or troubled by it that they can come and talk about it or go where I went to that saved my life. One grandson has already hooked up with it in the past and I don't know how it is with him today; maybe...maybe not. His father is clean and sober and not in the same program as I and that doesn't matter a ton with me as HP has more than one solution. I use to tell the kids I use to work with as a counselor that from the fact that they even asked the question it mean't that it was a concern to the most important person...them and they needed to investigate it deeply and with help so that they would know the "next best thing" to do. I only suggest what worked for me. That he's still using a glass and can count to two would, for me, mean he's got a good chance...LOL. Not forgetting dinner is there is another. I remember...... (lol)
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 31st of August 2009 06:42:39 PM
I feel for your son. I came from a family with a long history an alcoholism and growing up I constantly worried about becoming a alcoholic. It was always there in the back of my mind even when I was a teenager and first experimenting with alcohol with friends. I believed that if I remained conscious of it and kept it in check that I would be fine. I used to gauge how much I drank by watching the amount my friends consumed and drinking less. I worried and fretted and kept a eye on myself all the way into full-blown alcoholism. All the caution, insight and knowledge that I had about my genetic predisposition to alcoholism didn't help me avoid it one bit. I have an allergy and it's no different than any other kind of allergy. If my cousin Justin eats peanuts his throat swells up and he dies...all the understanding of his condition in the world wont save him if he decides to eat them anyway.
Hopefully your son will be smarter than I was and realize that if he's thinking about it there's probably a good reason. I've never met a normal drinker, one who can take it or leave it, whose been concerned that they might be an alcoholic...not one.
-- Edited by Tipsy McStagger on Tuesday 1st of September 2009 07:47:27 PM
Just like you, those thoughts went running through my head, and even though I was at a loss for words, granted, possible more likely because there were others there, and I did not want to get into it. Racing thoughts in my head, I could feel my heart pounding so hard, like a big amount of fear for him came crawling in.
I got home, and when alone, i had to calm myself down, and not let my head start doing that running to the "What ifs"!!!
Calmed myself down with some very deep breathing, and allowed myself to become completely silent.
I did not have a mother that was an alcoholic, but my big fear was that I would also become mentally ill, like she was, well I did miss that genetic link, but saw it blossom in my beloved younger son. I have always been a little crazy, but it keeps me from going insane, Just like the song states. haha. That had to be, for personal reason one of my favorite songs ever....with good reason.
I will say about my son that he is in his mid thirties, have had dinner at his house and he has had dinner at my house a zillion time, 100 % alcohol free, he has alway been sort of a tea totler or whatever that is called, and when he would come back from some exotic cruz, he would mention that he and his friends let their hair down. so to speak, and have a couple of strong drinks. and then talk about feeling like crud the next day, so he would come back, go back to work, he works non stop, a lot of pressure in what he does, and he never drinks, that is my understanding, anyway, thanks for responding.
How are you doing my friend, so quiet over there. We all miss you so much when you stay so quiet, but that is you perogative. that is for damn sure.
So good to see you and I appeciate very much your feedback on this.
