OK. I KNOW that you can get to my myspace account from here, but that is MY choice. Still more or less anonymous. And I'm not "ashamed" of my situation, but IF I want to share my story, it's my decision, right?? A guy from my mtgs, for the 2nd time has "outed"me. I was dealing with work associates, and a potential customer, he comes up and says, "I didn't see you at the last AA meeting." I was in a panic, what do I say?? I don't want to discourage him from his sobriety, but , to me, this is out of line.
I'm not sure how to approach him. Help? I do have a few "accoutability partners," as well as sponser. If I miss more than 2 mtgs in a row, I WILL get atleast 1 call, and I do appreciate his "concern." In my opinion, it's AA, has a secon "A" for a reason. How do I approach him, without being an ass, (which is a role, I'm VERY good at?)
-- Edited by MDC on Sunday 30th of August 2009 06:38:01 PM
Hey Mark, just tell him straight up like you did us. I'd say thanks for the aknowlegement and concern but I have business associates that drink and don't understand "not drinking". He should get it right away and hopefully be apologetic.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 30th of August 2009 06:56:49 PM
He's also new to this (like me,) I'm just afraid or "running him off." I've heard his story, and he isn't as "thick shinned" as most. In the past, I'd take him out for a drink and talk to him, not really an option now. I do plan to speak with him, but, don't want to scare him away...then again, I have to put ME first.
Thanks, I just hope he will accept this, I'll be as gentle as I can, but not a strong point for me.
-- Edited by MDC on Sunday 30th of August 2009 07:06:35 PM
I only speak for myself but i have found out that i have real communication problems, That is to say that more times than not i speak without saying what i really mean, waiting until i get fully aggitated then letting my full anger out on someone because before i didn't want to hurt their feelings. Stand up for yourself and explain your thoughts in a gentle and clear manner. I feel you brother,
hI MD, it does sound like you need to make this guy aware of the traditions, remaining anonymous and such. Let him know where you are coming from, and don't get codependent about whether he will run off from the program or not. We need to take care of ourselves and learn how to be assertive in a kind and loving way, and to NOT hold back on important matters. Better you tell him than for him to do this again with someone who will relaly rip him a new one.
SO glad you seem to have a group of guy for support now!! Gosh it's been awhile since I was here posting... so glad to see you doing well!!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Mark, I could suggest something more in the middle...though being assertive and saying what you feel is usually best. It could be something along the lines of taking him aside privately and saying "Hey, I really appreciate the concern regarding missing the meeting, but I'm just not into talking about AA at work. Call it church if you really need me to get into that role here because it is important and I want to have conversations about it wherever I am, just that I would prefer a heads up so we can talk in private if I'm at work." If you don't want to talk about it at all at work...then that's not going to fly. Either way, is it not good that this is one of your bigger problems today? Compare to a few months ago... You have come a long way.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Well sounds like you have already some good advice.
What I would do, if it was me, was, without any upset at all, just say to him, "when and if you feel a need to discuss anything to do with Alcoholics Anonymous, that it is really important that you tell me PRIVATELY. I really do like you, and we are both new to this. My anonymity, just like yours, is a very private matter"'.
Always do the loving thing, is what I learned long ago.
No need to be upset, well not anymore.
Hugs my friend, we sure miss you around here, and sounds like you are really doing well.
Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Monday 31st of August 2009 01:19:33 PM
He's also new to this (like me,) I'm just afraid or "running him off." I've heard his story, and he isn't as "thick shinned" as most. In the past, I'd take him out for a drink and talk to him, not really an option now. I do plan to speak with him, but, don't want to scare him away...then again, I have to put ME first.
So who says you can't take this guy for a drink - so long as it's coffee or soda or something, or maybe an ice cream, somehow this is less threatening and then you can explain that you aren't telling all and sundry about attending AA because and that it would be best if he could think about it, after all you want to preserve his anonymity too.
In early days I used to wonder if we were allowed to acknowledge each other in the street - it's OK provided you don't state where you meet. A good friend of mine will be getting married soon and his prospective in laws still 'have a thing' about AA in that you only need to go for 3 to 6 months then your fixed. I'll check out with this guy how close his anonymity is with these people to save him and me any embarrasment.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Next time you see him with some friends go up and say "Hey Bill hows that gonorrhea clearing up? Still burning when you pee?" And when he gets pissed at you and freaks out tell him that's what he gets for being an inconsiderate jerkoff and not respecting your anonymity.
