I joined AA 9 months ago, I have never felt so depressed, I go through each day feeling abosolutely terrified. I have lots of support but I cannot sleep at night and spend most of my time crying and afraid. I have been to the doctors several times and months of anti-depressents haven't helped. My doctor has tried changing my medication but they have no effect. My confidence is at an all time low, trying to get myself out of this seems impossible and I don't know what to do. Fellow AA members have tried to help and after I talk to them I feel better for a couple of hours. Each night I awake around 3am and it all starts again. Each day is just something I try to get through, this awful feeling is never ending. What can I do? I want my life back and now I just exist. The constant black cloud hanging over me pulls me right down.
sounds like a relationship ended. You know that you're really thinking too much and shouldn't pay much attention to your perception of what's going around you. Daily meetings and gratitude lists would be recommendation and keep your eyes on the prize of a year of sobriety and years to follow. We all went through this. I don't think that I had a "good day" in the first 9 months. I cried, couldn't sleep, wished that I was still with my wife and 2 year old son. Wanted my great job back. I was living alone for the first time and I was very lonely. It was exactly what I needed. I needed to learn how to live by myself, take care of myself, love myself, and enjoy being by myself, all which happened over the first 2 years. After that it was awesome dating again from a position of strength. Women had to prove to me that they fit into my life, convince me to make time for them. I had a life now and didn't have to go around trying fill in this hole that was no life. Hang in there it gets better but you have to work for it and buy time.
