Hopefully my last experience with alcohol...

Tipsy McStagger · Senior Member

Hopefully my last experience with alcohol...

carlasober · Senior Member

Keep coming back

toni baloney · Senior Member

Wow,

The most powerful Post ever by you my friend, so many thoughts running through my head.

1. You were 12th Stepping YOU
2. The Program IS NOW working....in YOUR Life
3. Feeling compassion and caring for your Fellow drunk alcoholic friend..
4. That old saying of AA will complete ruin your drinking...Happening in your life
5. The Miracle is happening right NOW
6. Maybe you see your self as you said, not right...in the Head
7. My interrpretation.. no one is here 'cause there... Well

8. Working a 12th step....my take....is the Heartbeat of the Program of AA

OK, not going to do my usual windy messages to you, only want to share how this Post made me feel for you my sweet friend:

And the biggest BOON to this, you calling your Sponsor, wow you sound just like all of us here, in RECOVERY from Alcohol!

Toodles, see I did not make it a 7 paragraph response, well hope not, will have to go back and count them.

Kidding

Baloneycakes

-- Edited by toni baloney on Tuesday 25th of August 2009 10:14:03 AM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey TM, there is no "music" to face. It's natural for an Alcoholic to drink, very unnatural (at first) for us not to. My last drunk was planned (to be my last drink) but never the less mild and I had a good time. So yes you can go out on a high note instead of God awful drearily destructive bottom with endless consequences. It's the only "smart" thing that I did, not that I can claim I did it myself, but at whatever point we surrender, we can claim that. "We made a decision..."

kj · Veteran Member

Maybe your friend was your "Man in the mirror"?

Keep coming back!

Phil · MIP Old Timer

To keep it? We have to give it away.

To get out of ourselves? We help others.

One hangs in, around here long enough? It rubs off. :)

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Yo Tipsy,
What Toni Baloni said. Some people are just able to stop. Others seem to need to "feel for the bottom." Thats just what I did. Your Bud is you and me and the others on this board when you add alcohol. I am just glad the two of you did not end up seeing Michael Jackson.
Tom

learning · MIP Old Timer

Miracles will not cease....with sobriety....that is a promise you can bet on!!! You are awakening to that fact. Keep at it and you will become aware of this more and more!
That was a very inspirational and honest share, Tipsy!!!

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

It sucks you missed most of the concert because of that drunk LOL.

I have a few Elvis Costello CD's he was big in the Cleveland / Pittsburg area back in the day.

Glad you where able to tr yand help your friend, and in doing so hopefully helped yourself.

The Message is perfect, the messengers are not.

Keep the faith and go to meetings, only one guy can take the drink and put to your lips.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha TM!! There's power in shame and you can use it to get in and stay in the
program. You let yourself down while helping another drunk up...I don't think one
of us can do that if we haven't come to believe. Now its "do it for yourself time"
and you've got lots of supporters. I've heard variations of your last drunk and
drunk on drunk event before in program. Might it be a guided tour by your HP.

I like the "man in the mirror" metaphor. Keep coming back and reaching out.

smile

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This would be the insanity part they hint at in step 2. Paying good money for the concert ticket and then thinking it will be so much fun if you experience none of it and wind up so wasted that you have to be carried home and a burden to others. Glad it wasn't you and that you were able to see the lesson in it. As for the first part of step 2...only a higher power can free you from that. I've now read 2 posts of yours which involved what could be interpreted as God reaching out to show you lessons you could benefit from. The first being that trip you took in which you achieved a high level of serenity were 1 with a higher power (to come home and have the insanity come back once the contact with nature and the spiritual scenery was gone) and now perhaps God literally showing you the insanity of drunken behavior in a way that made you the strong one and not the person who was ready to write themselves off completely a day earlier. There is something to the saying "came to believe"...Call it what you want Tipsy, but I would "come to believe" there is something larger than you providing you with these lessons...but also providing them in a way that you are really starting to be open minded to and see the meaning. A higher power has been there for you all along and you only "come to believe" through experiencing it and not fighting it. Anyhow Tipsy, you really seem to be moving forward, even though you might not think so. It's in your daily attitude and interpretation of how events are unfolding for you. Don't stop believing in this process, keep surrendering, and keep letting the lessons your HP has for you occur without wanting to run from them (because they are scary and it's a new way of thinking that involves changing in a way we BOTH scoffed at previously).

Mark

Dodsworth · Senior Member

Its always good to hear a drunken evening was spoiled by conscience/God/AA/etc. I agree with StPeteDean, your last drunk doesn't have to be this great disaster-we all have plenty of those to draw from. And like Dean said, nothing to "face" in calling your sponsor or fessing up to an AA group except understanding.

cramcj01 · Senior Member

I'm not right in the head either hmm

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

None of us are right in the head...If we were, we wouldn't need AA. I have sort of went from "Boohoo I'm crazy and I need AA" to "Yay I'm crazy and I get to go to AA to be around all the other crazies like me!" Clearly some of us are less destructively crazy though and that's what I strive for.

LinaJo76 · Member

StPeteDean wrote:

Hey TM, there is no "music" to face. It's natural for an Alcoholic to drink, very unnatural (at first) for us not to. My last drunk was planned (to be my last drink) but never the less mild and I had a good time. So yes you can go out on a high note instead of God awful drearily destructive bottom with endless consequences. It's the only "smart" thing that I did, not that I can claim I did it myself, but at whatever point we surrender, we can claim that. "We made a decision..."

That's how I did it too, on my last drink. I had only 4 drinks and just walked away. I didn't even say goodbye to anyone. I just took off. I was worried that somebody was going to stop and say, "Hey, stick around longer. I'll buy your next one".

Mine was planned and I had a great time. But I know I can't do it again and I won't. I don't want no more heartache in the house (every time I came home drunk every weekend) and I don't like that sick feeling the next day either....And yes, I had made that decision.

LinaJo76 · Member

Tipsy McStagger wrote:

Last night I was invited to go watch Elvis Costello by a friend, a severe alcoholic, but a friend nonetheless. I had never heard an Elvis Costello song in my life but it was an outdoor concert and the weather was great so I agreed to go. It didn't take a whole lot of convincing for me to drink and in no time we were in the liquor store buying vodka to shove down our pants and smuggle into the concert. The funny thing is that I knew I would drink if I went and even though I'm trying not to drink I went anyway.

So we get past the security and head off to the porta-potties to mix our vodka with the Gatorade we purchased inside. Then we sit down on the grass to wait for the concert to begin. It was such an amazing day, sunny but not too hot, the crowd was really mellow and happy and there was such a great vibe. I started drinking my orange colored vodka but for some reason I just couldn't get drunk, it was having no effect on me and it was frustrating. Next thing I know my alcoholic friend was literally falling over drooling. He started begging me to help him get home. We had been there for a bout an hour but Elvis was only two songs into his set so I was not happy. I helped him up because he couldn't even walk and practically had to carry him out. He was in such bad shape that security was considering calling an ambulance for him. I got him outside and poured him into a taxi and took him home. We went inside and of course he got beer out of the fridge and started drinking. The cab ride had sobered him a little, so that he could at least communicate, and I found myself 12 stepping him. Sounds a little weird since I had just consumed a fair amount of vodka and I havent been able to stay sober for any respectable length of time but I just felt this desperation to help him. He listend to me for about 20 minutes and then passed out. I left and as I walked home it occurred to me that even though I was saying the words to him I was really saying them to myself.

I feel really ashamed that I drank, and that I put myself in a situation where I knew I would drink, but for some reason I don't feel that horrible hopelessness that I usually feel the next day. In fact I feel kind of elated, focused and hopeful. I'm going to call my sponsor (a day too late but better late than never) and face the music. I'm going to go to a meeting or two, or three and admit my slip. I'm going to keep trying.

I'm not right...in the head

...

-- Edited by Tipsy McStagger on Tuesday 25th of August 2009 08:51:41 AM

But you know now, that you have to change your playgrounds now (where you go have fun and hangout at). You do have to change that.

But like it says in the "Living Sober" book (I can't remember what page it's on), but it says, "if you do have to go to a bar or nightclub, make sure there is a really good reason to go (like a work thing with co-workers or a birthday you decided to attend)". Personally, if you have to go, don't sit near the bar. Sit at a distant table or out on the bar patio. But try not to go too often anymore.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

*I don't feel that horrible hopelessness that I usually feel the next day. In fact I feel kind of elated, focused and hopeful.*

Thank you for your honesty & sharing here about your last drunk, James. I know & appreciate what a great sense of humour you have & I know that & many others of your great qualities won't be lost in your earnest attempt at this program. I've wondered if sometimes you may fear that you'll become 'stupid, boring & glum like some of these righteous folk you see'! but even by my own experience I know this doesn't have to be true for you either. I did & have had to change some very deep things about myself e.g. in regards to my innate selfishness & self-centredness & in all this effort I was afraid I would lose some of the better aspects of myself that I liked but I've found that these parts are irrepressible & if I'm meant to have them they've simply come through in other ways but without the negative aspects attached.

This program does clean us all over from the inside out, when we allow it & what we get back is so much better along with learning how we can have the parts we like but from a right place that is good for us. There is a serious period of reconstruction ahead for you, if you want it & you're willing to go to any lengths. I guess what I could say is that at a certain point I got over my pride & arrogance that certain things had not happened to me yet & realised that indeed I was so lucky even to have this chance at sobriety. Some of us die drunk having never known anything different. We are the lucky ones that are reaching out to each other because, all jokes & complacency aside, we want to live & we want to help each other stay alive not only doing so but to enjoy life sober too.

There is so much more for you ahead in your life when you're ready to put yourself forward for help & to share in this recovery love for life & sobriety. I love your humour & I love your sharing. I also love it when you show us your heart & I see how deeply feeling & sensitive you are. I'm excited & looking forward to witnessing how you show yourself through your growing & willingness. I hope your talk with your sponsor goes well & I know many in your meeting will get so much from your honest sharing regarding your last drunk.

It didn't have to get any worse than it did for me & I hope you're happy that it doesn't have to for you too. Seeing your friend like that & being able to offer a message must have felt so diiferent & powerful for you, James. It is this message that you tried to give that has lit you up with the words you expressed above. This message has hopefully helped you to stay sober for today. I hope you'll keep working these steps so that you gain new messages everyday. As a newcomer it is so important that we take these to our heart for ourselves in the beginning.

It is also important to learn how to work the full expanse of the 12steps so that we have & can work for ourselves all these tools. Just For Today be your best example of Step 1 & work each step thoroughly before reaching the next. I'm sure your sponsor will help you. I mention this because at such early doors I know that realistically I could not help others that much until I had something to give & that has taken so long for me. It may be different for you but just to share that 12 steps are better than 2 (1 & 12! ;) It looks like this experience has helped you with today though so I'm not meaning to decry it in offering a caution to concentrate on you & do whatever it takes to get your next day.

Congratulations on your new Day1 I hope it will lead to many 1Day@aTime. Thanks for being here, James. I love your story, Danielle x

progress · Member

I don't know why it still amazes me and fills my heart to hear how ones HP works in their lives. Shame never did anything for me except want to drink more to forget about what i had done. Your spirit of going back and admitting what happened is totally the first step in understanding what those words trully mean. Thanks for your experience,strength and hope in your post.