So there I was, lap top to hand, searching for a property to rent in the highlands of scotland for a short break. My estranged wife is coming with me, which is great.
we had talked about what we wanted from this trip, materially, and she had mentioned that she'd like to see a sea eagle.
So I was bearing this in mind while looking for properties but everyone I saw was met with the same question - will we see a sea eagle from there, how far will we have to travel to see one, that sort of stuff.
I was starting to feel under pressure and dropped right into people pleasing behaviour, forgetting that I have wants too. Did i recognise this before I sarcastically said that there was no guarantee of seeing a sea eagle or would you like me to book a sighting for you! Well no.
Big shouty tearful 10 minutes, stomping about the house before I calmed myself down and explained that I felt under pressure to perform a miracle and that I felt that Eileen was overcomplicating things, changing the Schedule of requirements minute by minute. Her response was she was just trying to please me!
So it's a cuppa and a smoke and a chat with the HP and a calm down and a decision to leave this to tonight when we will write down what we materially want out of this trip.
For me it's an open fire, a double bed, walking, fishing, not too isolated, within 2 hours drive of the coast (where you might see sea eagles) and within a 2 hour drive of a meeting.. Oh and less than £700 for a fortnight.
hopefully eileen will have her schedule of requirements, one of which I know is not a wooden lodge and not in a compound, then we'll put them together and get something sorted.
Open and honest communication is sometimes hard for me but pays dividends.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Well Bill...from an outsider's standpoint, sounds like the good news is that your wife is becoming less and less estranged. It also sounds like you are enjoying this slow change a lot and that is a good thing. Yeah, you want to make her happy, but I guess we all tend to forget that certain people wouldn't be hanging around us in the first place if they didn't derive happiness from doing so. Also, some amount of mild arguing is healthy because, if you didn't give a crap about the other person, you wouldn't care enough to argue and you wouldn't give a crap what they thought. It is a fine line between what they say in the promises about "becoming concerned with our fellows" and people pleasing. People pleasing is something I struggle with too, but if I really objectively look at things, my efforts to do nice things that might make others happy are different now. I guess trying to please people we care about is not so unhealthy as long as we remember we aren't in control of whether our attempts work or not. Hoping you have an awesome vacation and things keep getting better for you as a result of all you are doing to be a better person.
Mark
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Well we talked again by telephone tonight. Now I have her SOR - all she really wants is to be back home by wednesday 16th september and no wooden lodges. And no camping. And no B&B, And no hotels, and no caravans. So off we go to search t'internet once again for a cottage between 7th and 15th September. Here goes.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
My bad Bill...I read it like you were already on vacation. Either way, sounds good what you are doing. Especially the new sponsee thing. A vacation to a cottage in Canada sounds might appealing at the moment. At this time of year, I would send a message to all non-Floridians to be grateful you aren't baking in 90 plus degree weather and wondering if hurricanes are coming your way. A message to fellow Floridians, be grateful we aren't in the midst of one right now :)
Oh yeah...edit....a vacation in Canada would be nice if you lived there and not England...Have fun Bill. Highlands of Scotland... Equally nice I'm sure, though never been there. Only London and Oxford. I probably missed some of the best the country has to offer.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 22nd of August 2009 03:43:09 PM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks for sharing and I hope you a nice vacation!
A often uses saying in the AA rooms of NE Ohio was "Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans". Glad you recognized the people pleasing behavour, while it's great to try to do things for others we can't be responsible for the happiness of others, happiness can only come from within.
One thing for sure, wherever you end up staying, God will give you some interesting things to view, what we make of them is up to us.
We can only plan our plans, not the results.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
