.........I have mostly been pretty chilled. I had a call from a fellow member on friday night to tell me that he was sitting outside the off licence ready to get a drink. So what do you want me to do about it? Talk me out of it he says, as if I could says I. Right Smart*rse I'm coming round. 5 minutes later he rang back - what's your address? 5 minutes later he's knocking on the door, sober and angry. we talked for a couple of hours and it seems I have a new sponsee.
but this meant that i didn't get packed and set off for the Cannock Chase camping Convention that night and went in the morning. 120 alkies and some of their families - bit of music, a wet bonfire, good food, silly games, lot's of talking and sharing and constant meetings, loads of newcomers brave enough to share just how it is and a bloke who was really, really good at snoring - stupid, boring and glum? i don't think so!
Back home Sunday work Monday, meetings Tuesday and Wednesday where I heard someone share they were Jubilant in their sobreity. I feel the same.
I haven't given up drinking, I just don't drink alcohol any more. I've given up chaos, hurting people, lying, cheating and stealing, being ill, being self centred, believing that I am a God and all the rest that kept me drinking to oblivion. I have a disease that tells me I don't have it. The obsession to drink isn't present at present, but if I put the alcohol in my system, the craving will re start. I know this for a fact.
I also know the disease is resting up, watching out for it's oppertunity to be cunning, baffling and powerful - it's also patient. I have a higher power that talks to me and get's me through - if i lose the contact with the higher power I'll be back in the ring. So this is what step 11 is for!
today, life is good. That's all I ever needed. When tomorrow becomes today, that's when I deal with tomorrow. I'll plan for tomorrow and the day after and the day after but I recognise that all my plans may be for naught and try to accept that.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Great post left me with another sober thought for the box. "If I didn't drink today and tooked the opportunity to help another not drink, when tomorrow comes I can repeat...Today." Went to a meeting (3rd step), sat, listened, learned and found another alcoholic to support who had no intention of being there this AM. I suggested that where he woke up and with who was probably not his will but God's.
Got the tune for "Hey Tomorrow" by Neil Diamond and "Tomorrow" by Jim Croce starting up in my head...gonna go listen.
.....thank you for all your kind words and reactions. I write these things because it helps me get things balanced in my head. I'm no spiritual giant, I have my off days when old behaviour comes back to royally mess me up and I'll write about those too.
Which leads me to last night - see separate post.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
