I got a sponsor and am happy about that, a long-term member of AA and I have identified with her shares but really respected the honesty at meetings when sharing. Unfortunately I am getting the most horrible tension headaches over the last two days, I know its worry and anxiety but can't seem to stop fretting over things I will be able to do nothing about until the working week,
That letting go thing takes practice. I'm only getting remotely good at it. Having been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder....I truly thought there was no way in hell I would ever be able to stop worrying about things all the time. Also my first 6 months or so were pretty full of just constant runaway thoughts that I couldn't stop. What I was able to do was shift my thoughts onto more positive things and practice some basic relaxation that I know from having been trained in it. My job has the potential to be so stressful it would trip off panic attacks...I would feel walls closing in on me, start feeling like I was in a prison (then realize I really was in a prison because I work um....in a prison literally)... Anyhow, there are some sayings that helped a little bit too. "Worry is wasted imagination" "90 percent of the things we worry about never happen anyhow" and of course as you alluded to, the serenity prayer. Also, I had to start repeating things like "I am driving to work and I am okay...(deep breath), I am at work and I am okay (deep breath)...I am at home and nothing is wrong, I am okay (deep breath)...My brain wanted to flip out over stuff bad and it did, but I limited it with some success. I can only speak from my experience with the first 3 steps because I haven't really "officially" worked beyond that but for where you are at this might help...and I wish it didn't take me like 2 months to get this...step 1 does not just mean powerless over alcohol, it means powerless over pretty much everything...people, places, and things. When we try to control all those things, elements of unmanageability come into our minds and our lives. Hence, when you really really realize you are powerless over pretty much all these things, what's the point of worrying about it? But yeah...alcohol would be the #1 offender of trying to control the world by totally changing our reality and completely checking out on a constant basis. Certainly prayer and working on developing a stronger faith is probably the best source of contant ease from anxiety/fear. I'm really just starting to feel that now. It is awesome that you got a sponsor and that it is someone with lots of time in the program. You are really taking this seriously and that speaks volumes about the kind of recovery you are likely to have. Keep up the great work!
Mark
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 16th of August 2009 09:02:28 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I Remember once being told that "the worry about the problem is always worse that the problem". After a few unfortunate events, I came to believe that it's true. I've learned to stop planning the out come of situations and conversations, because they never went as planned. Try and take a little time for yourself, and try to find some balance in your life. I know that keeping it simple and taking it easy help me when I feel walls of life closing in on me.
Great to hear you got a sponsor. Best thing I can tell you to do is do EVERYTHING she tells you and have faith that it's for your own sobriety. I couldn't be happier with my sponsor. He is becoming the true friend I never thought it possible to have.
Great news, and by any chance is it that woman that you admired after talking with her in a Parking Lot, and did not get her number.
Early recovery is a collidiscope of so many emotions, as all the other responses have implied. Just so happy that you now have a solid guide, and someone that can ride the waves with you.
Big Hugs and congratulations on getting to that important personal contact that will give you a sense of more strength as you walk, one day at a time through the Steps of our Beloved Program.
One of the things I've learned is to acknowledge the reality of the situation but not fear it. After that I can continue to bring the reality into focus which usually reduces it. (((((hugs)))))
Lorna, Good to hear you got a sponsor. I don't know what I would do without mine..... This AA program is just terrific... if you work it..... I'm reminded here of the serenity prayer but also a quote I learned in the fellowship: Worry is caused by excessive self will and if we're worry obessively about something that we haven't fully surrendered to our high power. (Step 3) This is easier for me when I work my full program on a consistent basis: prayer, meetings, sponsor, steps and fellowship. My sponsor also reminds me that feelings don't necessarily equal facts... they're just feelings and it depends on what we do with them..............
