I'm not really drunk and naked. I'm just an attention whore and I knew my thread would get more hits with that as the subject
I just thought I'd check in and say hello. I got a temporary sponsor and I'm taking another stab at not being a stumblebumpisspot. Obviously I'm fearful and worried about failing, but who knows, maybe coming in and out so many times was the way it was supposed to happen for me. Maybe this time will be different...maybe this time I'll be different...maybe I won't take such delight in frustrating anyone who tries to help me. I might even try listening.
Aloha TM...Like a lot of people I met in program that got sober for real I heard one of my earliest concerns, "Where did all of my friends and family go?" Loosing the crowd and audience was one of the cost. Loosing the fear of loosing the crowd and audience came first and then after I was sober and they stayed gone I could be more of who I really was.
I remember a third person story (lesson really) that was given to me (on purpose after I got it) when another recovering member of the Family Groups "just happened" get from her sponsor. My sponsor told me she said, "That unless I got humble I would never attain recovery" (close enough)
20 feet from her closed door I turned and swore back at it. I got her sponsor's message. My own sponsor taught me that if I wasn't recoverying on all levels; mind, body, spirit and emotions all at the same time...I wasn't recovering at all. Humility is being teachable; another truth for me.
I have in the past been asked to leave meetings because of my attitude. I have had AA meetings stop until I left and also stop until I identified myself as alcoholic. It took about 5 years of meetings before I changed my attitude inspite of the fear of loosing my identity. I wasn't who I thought I was and I would never find out until he surrendered.
Tipsy, you wouldn't keep coming back if you weren't meant for this to work. God/the universe...whatever has a plan for you and it's not being a drunk. I would give the maybes a rest and just let the 1 day at a times stack up.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
That fear of failing and going back to drinking was what I did for the first year, it seemed to act like the "fuel" to get my ass back the next day, every single day, just scared that it was too good to be true, that I was staying sober. Just like you, I had the memory of being a complete failure. But just one day at a time, taking that Fear with me, and just listening, now with the cotton out of my ears. I look back at that underlying fear as a very Healthy Fear, so I would hold onto to it, and use it. Just my opinion.
So sound so SOBER, and feels so good to hear you coming from a humble place.
One day at a time, Tipsy, that's all any of us need to be concerned with. Just don't drink today. Good to see you making a good effort! And I knew darned well that if you had a naked pic up, Dean woudl save us all from that hell and edit it. LOL
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
