One of my friends shared their story tonight after having just crossed over the 1 year mark 6 days ago. At the end he got choked up and was just saying how grateful he was for the program. This person has always had about 50 days more sobriety time than me. When he got choked up, I was right there because it's been a really challenging year and it did hit me that I am really almost at that year also. I did not get what I expected from AA, but I do think I have gotten a lot of what I needed. Plus, I know I need to keep coming back. Despite what anyone might say about me, the facts are I am living in my own condo, paying my own bills, taking care of my cat, and surviving day to day. While typing this, I ponder what was me just 10 and a half months ago. My friend shared about the shame of hiding bottles, about panic attacks and trembling hands, about winding up places where he didn't know how he got there, basically about screaming for help in every way but not being able to see the light out of that utter hell until stepping into the rooms of AA and being ready and willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. I knew his story was similar to mine and I'd heard it 2 times before but it hit me way different this time as both of us seem to be getting healthier in recovery. In the end, he said he was proud of himself. That was what really got me thinking. I have been still wrecking myself at times over my choices, my codependency issues, that I still don't practice the best self-care...But hell, when I boil it down to the simple issue of what I used to be like and what I am like now...I do feel proud because I used to be that same exact wreck of a person he was talking about. So I guess the one thing I'd like to spread in this message is that we should all feel proud of our sobriety. AA teaches us to be humble, and also that God is doing what we could not do for ourselves, but staying sober is an accomplishment and we should pat ourselves on the back every day we remain sober because, for us, simply not drinking is doing the biggest "next right thing" most of us have ever done. It is okay to feel proud of your sobriety time even if it's just a day. I agree the higher power keeps me sober, but I also have to remain open to it and work at it constantly as all of us do. So...raising the ice water to toast the fellowship of MIP and the sobriety of us all!
Love,
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I believe our soberity is a gift from God that we should be grateful for, respect and be proud of. The only thing asked is that we freely give it away to others;
I think you just did, the best way you know how at this moment.
Thanks,
Rob
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Obviously still learning but I haven't really let myself feel proud of it because I was first caught up in cleaning up the mess that was all around me. Then I my "issues" sprung up just surrounding the gaping hole that was left in my life after alcohol was removed. (some of both those are left, but less than before) Yesterday was one of the first moments I actually had some objectivity about what I've done...Granted, I am still newer in sobriety than most of you and I know I don't graduate AA at 1 year, 2, 3...whatever. It was a strange feeling and I wanted to share it. I couldn't even begin to fathom how you go about giving away 20 years of sobriety. My guess would be it's similar, but with just more wisdom, serenity, and humility...hopefully I will be blessed enough to find out.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Wow Mark, what a powerful message for me. I often find myself beating my brains out wondering why I did or said a certain thing that wasn't "the exactly right thing to do or say". As you said, for me, just getting and staying sober is a huge thing. I was once told that if I didn't do anything wrong, and didn't drink then It was a good day. Even knowing that I may have done something wrong, I can give it up to my HP, and do the next thing right. Feeling proud of myself is something I've tried to burry, because I really have to keep my ego in check, and be humble. After reading this, I realize that it's ok to be proud of the sobriety I've accomplished, as long as I remember that I did not do it by myself. I too will raise my coffee cup in a toast to life as a sober person!
I read this Post about an hour ago, had some breakfast and was pondering that word "proud".
I recall clearly that my own Sobriety journey began with a simple question. It was to GOD, and I simply asked HIM if He would show me a different way. That was the turning point in my life, after being in the Basement for a long time with the Disease in control. What today seems insignificant is that I was on my knees searching on a deck, in an old dirty bathrobe, where some broken glass had been left, I was deperately looking for a large piece to end my life, and when I could not find that glass, I had seen the glass the day before, and now it was not there, I turned to the Thought of GOD.
And my experience with my 1st year Birthday, was the first profoundly Spiritual moment of my Life, for I realized that yes there was God in my life, doing for me what I could not do.
Yes I had been to an AA meeting every day of that first year, and yes, I was following instructions, and mostly I was just listening for almost all of that first year.
"I can't, He CAN, and I let HIM" resonates so deeply in me that to this day, don't know why I still would never take the credit for my Sobriety, just following HIS WILL, HIS Way. Yes I do the footwork and offer my hand to anyone that is reaching.
Perhaps I am confusing the word Proud, with the word Pride, who knows.
But Mark I can say from my prospective, I can say YES, I am so very proud of you, and your contributions here on this Board, and I am sure too, in Meetings is always so full of compassion, love and articulation for the newer person, as well as the not new person. We have talked about this in PMs. But today, and with ONLY the Grace of GOD, I have a 19th AA Birthday coming up. I try always to give to the best of my own ability my ES &H, but never really know how I am preceived, something that is just part of the human condition. We can hope that others hear what it is that we are trying to say , and see me as someone with something to give, but we never really know that answer do we?
As the years have gone by, I am finding that I am becoming even more humble, I am still in Awe that I made it, and then with each passing year, still amazes me that this Wonderful Gift of a relatively happy and free Sober life was given so freely to me.
But have to say that I agree with Rob too, with his words, "I believe our soberity is a gift from God that we should be grateful for, respect and be proud of."
Think this Post just choked me up too.
Thank you for this Wonderful Post Mark!
Toni
PS. Semantics at times..... always, then make me then make then then.....
Obviously now just went from feeling choked up to utterly silly, sorry... sort of..
-- Edited by toni baloney on Wednesday 12th of August 2009 12:43:35 PM
always, then make me 
then make 
then 
then.....