i don't have to live in that past...easier said than done..but trying to live in the here and now...i'm getting better at it.

I do not wish to shut the door on it either. If i forget the fear of going back there even for one minute...THAT:S when i have be CONCERNED. I fear!!! Believe me!!!

My name is Wendy,, I'm a drug addicted alcoholic in recovery....i say this too myself every morning...sometimes in the mirror.  I love right into my eyes...they are the windows to the soul.....and say

Wendy, you are beautiful

Wendy, you are precious

Wendy, you are worthwhile

Wendy, i love you

Sometimes i cry when i do this...most times i don't believe it...but practice makes correction.

thought=feeling=action=thought=feeling=action....by changing my thoughts i change how i feel which changes my action which changes my thoughts...a cycle. I never used to think!!! everything seemed guided by hating how i felt..which led to sh!tty actions...a cycle.When i think bad,i feel bad,,i do bad..when i think good ,,i feel good,i do good.

Thanks, Wendy...peace and love

The Daffodil Principle
>
>Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come see
>the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour
>drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead.
>
>"I will come next Tuesday", I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third
>call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I
>drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and
>greeted my grandchildren, I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road
>is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except
>you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!"
>
>
>My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother."
>"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm
>heading for home!" I assured her.
>
>"I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car."
>"How far will we have to drive?"
>
>
>"Just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."
>
>
>After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going? This isn't the way
>to the garage!" "We're going to my garage the long way,"
>
>
>
>Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils."
>
>"Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around."
>
>
>"It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you
>miss this experience."
>
>After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a
>small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign that
>read, "Daffodil Garden."
>
>We got out of the car and each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn
>down the path. Then, we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and
>gasped.
>
>Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken
>a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes.
>The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns-great ribbons and
>swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter
>yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted as a group so that it
>swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were
>five acres of flowers.
>
>"But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn.
>"It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property.
>That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well kept A-frame house that looked
>small and modest in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.
>
>On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You are
>asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one "50,000 bulbs,"
>it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two
>feet, and very little brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958."
>There it was, The Daffodil Principle.
>
>For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman
>whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun-one bulb
>at a time-to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop.
>Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the
>world. This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.
>She had created something of ineffable (indescribable) magnificence, beauty,
>and inspiration.
>
>The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles
>of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one
>step at a time--often just one baby-step at a time--and learning to love the
>doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny
>pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we
>can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.
>
>"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have
>accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years
>ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years?
>Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"
>
>My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start
>tomorrow," she said.
>
>It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make
>learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only
>ask, "How can I put this to use today?"
>
>So, stop waiting..........
>
>Until your car or home is paid off....... Until you get a new car or
>home..... Until your kids leave the house .... Until you go back to school
>..... Until you finish school ...... Until you lose 10 lbs......Until you
>gain 10 lbs..... Until you get married ....... Until you get a
>divorce....... Until you have kids............ Until you retire............
>Until summer......... Until spring........... Until winter.......... Until
>fall........ Until you die....... There is no better time than right now to
>be happy.
>
>Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need
>money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.
>