Dear all, I have been going to meetings a lot but yesterday's meeting was not great. one of the attendees managed to roll her eyes when someone was sharing, it made me feel instantly distrustful of the setting and it seemed that the topics were about diets rather than alcohol, I fully realise people have a right to share whatever they need to and will continue to take what I want and leave the rest, I am confused to some extent but am continuing to read the literature and I have downloaded some podcasts instead of going to a meeting today, in addition I know I need to find a sponsor but simply do not trust any in the meeting room as anonymity is constantly an issue, this would be a big problem if mine was broken, I am going to find another meeting today instead and I will continue to go back to the other but will just seek other alternatives for support.
I know exactly what your talking about. I've seen it many times my self. I was once at a meeting where after everyone spoke for an hour about drugs (not alcohol) 1 guy took it upon himself to belittle everyone who spoke. He cussed and carried on. He told everyone how wrong they all were for talking about drugs and not alcohol, after all "this is AA g**damnit". I agree that an AA meeting should be about alcohol, but there was a guy who really needed some experience, strength, and hope, and there were some there who had it to share. I didn't get anything from what was discussed, but realized I got exactly what my HP wanted me to get. I needed to practice acceptance. My HP put me in that meeting at that time to help me learn to accept other people and circumstances for what they are. I've learned that some of the best meetings I've been to have taught me more by learning what not to do or say, and simply accept life on life's terms. I always try to keep an open mind, and take what I can get.
Having now been to probably about 400 meetings or so in the last 10 months, I can say I have seen some go really awry. Of course there are people who come in to AA and constantly share for like 10 minutes every time they open their mouths and that is when eye rolling and sighing starts...yet the person does it anyhow. I've only seen people interrupted 2 times total and the wound up getting up and leaving the meeting. Several meetings have become about quitting smoking, as that is usually the next habit people try and get rid of in AA...those were annoying because I'm not ready to quit smoking yet. Other meetings have been about sex, which is certainly an addiction as well and often a substitute one for (especially in this town for gay men)...but that was not really a helpful topic. There have been many on the topic of service, but I feel like I have basically heard everything about why you should do service and I already am engaged in service committments. I guess it's what Reffner said, not all of them hit on exactly what I need to hear, but it does hit on that I need patience and acceptance. I need that for my job and my personal life. I can't go rolling my eyes at my clients when I'm bored and I can't just roll my eyes and dismiss friends when they aren't talking about things I am interested in. In terms of Anonymity, there is very little in the fellowship I am in, but I don't worry about it seeing as before I was acting a total fool in every bar in town so I figure being in AA is a better rep than that.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I really like the yellow card as it is at one of our meetings - the chair of the meeting reads it twice, at the beginning of the meeting and at the end - and remember, 'Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here - let it stay here.'
Followed by Gossip Kills Alkies!
then again i wqs talking to a friend about trust in meetings and in sponsors.
we agreed that some information about past behaviour can be alluded to but is perhaps best not put openly across the table - I don't share anything I wouldn't want repeating in the Market Tavern on a Friday Night.
but with sponsors it's different - you have to open up, but there is always the chance that a sponsor might go back out and flap his jaws - but then again, who pays any attention to what a drinking drunk is saying?
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
New...what you have decided in "seeking alternatives" has always worked for me and was probably the major suggestion from a former sponsor in "gaining and maintaining" my sobriety.
We need the traditions for our unity always. When the traditions are forgotten I've seen a meeting disolve into personalities and egos quickly. After all "our self centeredness" is a major hurdle. When this happens I resort to the basics. Trust God, use compassion and forgiveness and share my experiences without fear and with serenity.
Some meetings are better than others. Some have a deep character of recovery while others need support to get there. Love anyway. I hope you find the sort of sponsors I have been allowed. Anonymity might have been a part of the price I had to spend to "get the program" however I can't remember having to pay it reluctantly.
The first thing that popped into my head when reading this, was We are not there because we are WELL.
Have been to so many meetings, where the topic get off track, once onto Pain Management for alcoholics, that one was sort of ok, until a few people wanted to describe in great detail what they were dealing with. And I still think that subject should remain with the Patient and the Doctor.
So off to greener Pastures, and always find another improved version. But there are also Lorna, some wonderful meetings that stay very close to all the Traditions, but then once in a blue moon, get sort of squirrley.
I do try, to take what I want and try so so hard, to just throw out that "what I dont want into the round file" (figuratively) on my way out the door.
But in the first year is can get to you with the Trust issue, and that Trust issue is all we have if we are to have a healthy group of recoverying drunks anywhere.
Anonymity is my major one. What i share in a meeting, I dont wait to talk to my Sponsor, right now dont have one, but the meeting is there, and the chair that I have my butt in belongs to me. And if I need to share something personal, I try to keep the little details out, but fine tune it so my burning problems resolves itself before i leave.
Hope so much that you keep looking, find a couple or three or four that you really like. like a good 12 Step meeting, and a BB Meeting, personally I feel that if the meeting is set up to read from the 12 x 12. not too many of those meetings get off topic.
Also, I have lived in a few cities over the years, and I have found that any Alano Club, they are usually found close to or in any city, that those meetings seem to stay very close to the Traditions. But if I recall correctly, you said you live in a smaller community than a city, but you might want to check out how far any Alano Club would be to where you are.
Saying a little Prayer for you to get some good meetings in. and not have to bother with all this parifial stuff. Also share what others have written, find a woman with some time, and even making a connection to a "temporary" Sponsor might help you.
Without a personal connection to a person that you can call to vent this stuff too, is harder on you than it has to be. Just my opinion.
I formed some negative feelings like yours early in my early attempts to stop drinking, and got so turned off that I left and stayed away from AA. I just did not look at my options at the time, and that was a very big mistake, for I returned to drinking, and you can fill in the blanks to that one.
I am thinking of your one of your original Post about one of your first meetings, I think it was the first, and you were "Thrilled" 90% of all Meetings are just like that. just go find some other meetings to be "thrilled" with.
A Big Hug,
Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Wednesday 12th of August 2009 09:59:36 AM
Dear all, I have been going to meetings a lot but yesterday's meeting was not great. one of the attendees managed to roll her eyes when someone was sharing, it made me feel instantly distrustful of the setting and it seemed that the topics were about diets rather than alcohol, I fully realise people have a right to share whatever they need to and will continue to take what I want and leave the rest, I am confused to some extent but am continuing to read the literature and I have downloaded some podcasts instead of going to a meeting today, in addition I know I need to find a sponsor but simply do not trust any in the meeting room as anonymity is constantly an issue, this would be a big problem if mine was broken, I am going to find another meeting today instead and I will continue to go back to the other but will just seek other alternatives for support.
You said quite a lot of things and answered some of your own questions -- taking what you like and leaving the rest-- we also have choices -- this may help in finding a sponsor as well -- are there other meetings on the same nights in different locations?
Trust is huge -- but a sponsor is also very important -- please know that you do not have to tell your sponsor EVERYTHING about you -until you are comfortable and trust develops -- it is a relationship. Right now look for someone who has SOMETHING you want--- strong sobriety - you need the fundamentals on how to stay sober and to keep coming back. Sometimes we change sponsors - or you may not need to as you develop a relationship and other friends and confidants as well.
Keep up the pursuit, every meeting is not our pinnacle of truth -but it could be someone elses -we may pick up our pearl from that meeting in our conversations with some one in the room, or in the comments etc. or in the literature.
Second post -- this one is about me...:) Podcasts? Please do tell how to do that!! I travel a lot and that would be awesome to know how to access and have available.
Great share, Lorna. I hear you doing whatever it takes for you to stay sober today including outing your reservations & doubts about issues you meet inside & outside of meetings. I'm as sick as the rest of our dear fellowship in that I have to be ever vigilant of my own conduct & reactions to what is going on inside & around me. I have to stay responsible for my recovery & continue to follow as suggested in regards to the program. I want to be as well as I possibly can today & that means staying honest & watching my own intentions. It is written particularly clearly in our literature what God's will is for me & that's for me to do whatever it is that grants me serenity, peace, happiness, joy & freedom. Love & tolerance is usually a good default if I'm not certain.
Remembering I am powerless over others & that I do not know what is best for another human being who may be getting what they're needing for that moment without my sticking my oar in. It can be a difficult one when a meeting 'isn't going my way' or not giving me 'what I think I need' lol I do have that at times & after a chat with an other *unresentful* soul I realise maybe there was something else at work that was nothing to do with me. I lead my home group step meeting & beyond a healthy detachment (where I'm not trying to control) I am mindful of the traditions & will foster an attitude towards those. At the same time Live & Let Live can come into its own when I'm aware there is a process at work, I'm not in charge & God is doing His best in all our willingnesses.
I hear a lot of positivity in your attitude & I'm chuffed to see you doing whatever it takes to keep & grow with what you're having already. Blessings for your Sobriety, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Great to hear you are staying sober and getting to a lot of meetings.
God and the AA program are perfect, the people and meetings sometimes are not.
From the not prefect we can learn love and tolerance.
At this point keep trying different meetings until you find the ones you prefer.
I hope your trust level improves, you could maybe ask someone to be your "temporary" sponsor, that way it is not a big deal if you thik things are not working out.
Hope this helps,
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
