Sorry if this is redundant but I think I'm an alcoholic

Darquan223 · Newbie

Sorry if this is redundant but I think I'm an alcoholic

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Darquan and welcome.   Alcoholism isn't biased toward any of it's victims
and the program of AA isn't either. Regardless on how you judge your drinking
and how it runs thru your life you are welcome to all open AA meetings around
the world. This is no selective disease you'll find AA everywhere.

So might it be of no risk to you to go and sit in AA meetings without having a
drink for the next 90days, one day at a time and then make a decision if like
many of us you belong also.   Keep and open mind, listen and learn, practice
what is suggested and then Keep coming back. What helped me lots was
not trying to wrestle with all of the questions and the new program all by
myself. It was suggested that I find a power greater than alcohol and myself
and then start working it.    Others here will offer their experiences, strenghts
and hopes too... smile

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

HI Peter,

Welcome to the forum. Alcohlism is a progresive illnes that will continue to get worse over periods of time never better.

It's like a elevator, if you are alcoholic you can get off whatever floor you want to, but the elevator keeps going down.

Most of us surrender to Alcohol before we are under the bridge and turning yellow from liver failure.
Hopefully you will rid yourself of the alcoholic denial, many of us had the same "If I get this bad I will get help", type thinking. We keep lowering our standards until we hit our unbearable bottom or a horrible thing happens.

Jerry above has some good advise.

You can also do a google search of "AA Who me?" you can then download the pamplet and answer the questions to help determine if you are an Alcoholic.

I hope this helps. Take care and get to some meetings!

cramcj01 · Senior Member

Can you stop drinking....without help? Would you be willing to stop? Answer those to yourself, and that might help you to understand if you have a problem.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Darquan,

Most people wait till there are really in a hopeless situation physically, mentally, emotional, financially... to address their problem with alcohol. You're heading in that direction but obviously somewhat in denial about the consequences that you've already faced (lost relationships, hospitals, and jail). A sane person would've headed to these warning signs. This is the only disease that tells you that you don't have a disease. It's like that old TV commercial about the brakes making noises on your car where the mechanic says- "you can pay me now, or you can pay me more later..." Only you can decide how much you're willing to lose in order to keep alcohol your constant companion.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 11th of August 2009 06:06:35 AM

Reffner · Senior Member

Welcom to the board. I've been exactly where your at right now. The first time I walked through the doors of an AA meeting I already knew I wasn't as bad as all the others (or so I thought). I had a wife and 2 kids, a very good job, a nice house, and life was good for me. I never ended up in the hospital or jail, and I was making my life work. "I wasn't an alcoholic" I thought, just a functional drunk. Then what everyone said would start to happen did. I lost my job. Life at home was getting worse, and so were my relashonships with the wife and kids. I got so low as to 'atempt' suicide (a cry for help really). Then we lost our house, because I didn't want to work, I wanted to drink and use drugs. I got thrown in jail. I tried rehab, but after 2 weeks deciced I was better, and went back out. I got a new job and house. Lost that job too. still had the house (no thanks to my efforts) and got another job. Keep in mind I was still in and out (mostly out) of AA through all of this, and still wasn't "getting it". I lost my 3rd job, and that's when I surrenderd~but not to my HP, to alcohol. I climbed inside a bottle, and didn't come out for 3 months. There was no night or day for me, It was simply life between black outs and pass outs. I quit eating, and started getting really messed up in heavy drugs as well. after 3 failed serious attempts at suicide in 1 month (all with hospitalization and me walking out the front door so they couldn't admit me) I found my bottom. I can only thank my HP that I'm here now typing this, because I should be dead. All this happend 5 months ago. Today I have put together a little over 4 months, and Love my life. I've discovered that there is nothing in my life worth losing because I want to drink again. For me it's a choice. I choose not to drink, and do what my sponsor and everyone else in the program tells me, and it works. I can't tell you why or how, but it does work. If your afraid of not being able to drink again, I would say you may have the disease. If you can't imagine life without drinking, you may have a problem. If you want to quit but can't do it on your own, you may have a problem, but remember, there is a solution. Check out a meeting or 2. I'll bet you'll hear someone tell your story. Keep coming back my friend, life gets so much better!

Brian

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Ditto what everyone else said. By the way Reffner, that was indeed a very powerful message and will make you a very inspirational speaker...it really captured the process of the disease pretty clearly, as well as recovery. Peter, speaking for myself, I had my own line to cross as well. It was, "If I ever crash my car drunk or get a DUI" It happened. You don't want to wait for all the "not yets" because they probably will happen and ultimately there is a "not yet" that all of us will have to face and that may be the biggest reason to be sober. Who wants to live life drunk until they die? That thought wouldn't have resonated with me before AA, but it does now. There is so much else out there to live for and experience and when you are literally coveting alcohol so much that it's your buddy, you save up for it, cherish it despite it hurting you...you are not living the life that you could be otherwise. It was told to me early on that when you drink, your world gets smaller and smaller and smaller until it's just you and the bottle basically (whether you have family, job, or friends...none of them matter as much as that alcohol and you start neglecting all of them). I walked into AA after a pattern of pushing away friends, family and almost having zero support network. I had a job, a place to live, family that would have been there....but I was headed in that direction of things getting worse and worse and worse. That's just a bit of how I wrestled with the decision to come into AA. It has helped quite a bit. It is better to go at a point where you want it (and probably need it) as opposed to being at a point where you need it and don't want it.

carlasober · Senior Member

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a lot of information and directions for any problems that you are having. I did'nt believe that I was a alcoholic. My track record proved it, but because I suffered from this disease, i could not see it at the time. I was so unique(so i thought) that I almost killed myself trying "to prove myself exceptions to the rule"(31). The Big Book also talks about diagnosing yourself (if necessary). " We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself"(31). I kept coming back until i gradually believe and accepted Step 1. One day at a time, I got a sponsor and started studying the Big Book. The more I studied, the more I saw myself. My sponsor walked me through the 12 Steps and my life has not been the same since. "The problem has been removed"(85). I live in a new world that i didn't know existed.

Dave Harm · Senior Member

The best definition I ever heard for whether I was an alcoholic or not came from a college professor, who is a recovering alcoholic.

He said, "If anyone has ever shed a tear because of your drinking then you are an alcoholic." His point was that "normal" people can drink and then walk away from it. Alcoholics drink until they hurt not only themselves, but others as well.

Me personally, I have filled many five gallon buckets with tears...

kkotz401 · Senior Member

It is good that you admit you have a problem. Try going to some meetings. I am sure you will find this board to be a great source of support. I will keep you in my prayers.

kj · Veteran Member

We like hearing the redundancy of people coming in for a heart/hand. I will not impart any wisdom - but please re-read everything above again- lots of good stuff.

Welcome -- we would love for you to stay.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP, Peter. Nothing redundant there from what I can see. You have a valid concern. If alcohol is costing you more than money there comes a time to stop & it's as soon as you say enough though if you are alcoholic that won't be enough. You may discover in your experience that you cannot do it alone. It was so with me so I attended as many A.A. meetings as I could & began to learn about the program. Today I know it is the only thing to keep me sober. Firstly finding the fellowship of A.A. is a great support in the right direction.

It is vouched by the experience of those alcoholics who went before us who wrote in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol for an alcoholic means Jails, Institutions or Death. This because it is a progressive disease. Whether you believe yourself to be alcoholic at this point does not matter as you will find at meetings that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Like here@MIP you will be welcomed warmly & given the opportunity to identify with other drinkers whether less than, as bad as or worse than you, this is irrelevent too.

I got an early dart but I know if I continued to drink where it would eventually take me. The sober alcoholics you meet there will tell you how their drinking was, what happened & what their lives are like today. I hope you find the inspiration & determination to stay sober too. Life is beautiful without those problems that inevitably come with alcohol for problem drinkers, twisted relationships, loss of potential & self-respect. Waste of life. I wish you the best. Keep coming back here too. We will share our experience, strength & hope with you anyway we can. Goodluck in your journey & seeking that you wish to find, Danielle x

MDC · Senior Member

You say that you are not as bad as others??? Are you waiting for until you are? Stop now. If you aren't an alki, it won't be that hard. If you are, atleast youwil know BEFORE you are as bad as others. BTW, I've never been homeless, I've never sold my body for a fix, I am not as bad as others, I AM an alcoholic!

Everybody's "bottom" is different. You want to wait until you hit yours? Haev you already? You came here right?

Just thinking out loud. I hope you aren't, but if you are, better to stop now.

Mark

toni baloney · Senior Member

Hello Peter,

There are some of us here that took your philosophy....and kept going, I did for one.

2 Cars in the driveway, a home, a husband and 2 boys that all adored me.

And what did I do with all that, my take then, well with my from hell childhood, inside I thought I deserved all of it.

Then slowly lost everyone's trust, and watched it turn to confusion and pity for the sick person.

What I dont think you are getting is the Progression of the Disease, and take it from someone that knows it is there, IT IS THERE, AND JUST WAITING FOR YOU!!

So maybe you will wait until you have no choice left, the grip of Alcoholism is waiting also, think it is one of the later stages, a sense of incomprehensible demoralization that you can NEVER shake, then the Shame, it all just gets worse and then there are the end stages.

So with that, I will say I wish you the best, You can get off on any floor you choose, for you have a Disease that will tell you, insist, that you do not have a Disease, but with AA, and throwing yourself into a Program, that can keep the evevator from going into the Basement, that is a good option, while you still have a tremendous amount to Lose, the Disease wants you to lose it all and wants you to let the Disease take you all the way into the Basement, where your own life will hang in the balance. That was my choice, and it takes a lot longer to get a new life at that point.

The decision is yours, your disease will tell you, the decision is NOT yours, but that is where you begin the fight..........

Pray that you will join in that fight for your Life. If you were diagnosed with an early to intermediate form of Cancer by a Doctor, would you choose to fight and do all that was required to stay alive and well, or just say, I don't have Cancer, they are all full of s--t! and go around in complete denial until the stage of Cancer was now in the Final Stages....................Always Just your Decision.............

I Pray that you look at the Denial you are speaking from.....and join the Battle to save your own life.

And one last thing Peter, people that do not have a Problem with Alcohol, never really question whether they do or they don't.

Don't have a clue as to whether you believe in God or you don't, and that does not matter either. Either way, you can simply ask God to help you with your compulsion to drink, and see what happens.

A Big Hug to You,

Toni

LoveAlways · Newbie

Hugs to you!