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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> My HP still doing for me what I can't do for myself
Post Info TOPIC: My HP still doing for me what I can't do for myself
Reffner


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My HP still doing for me what I can't do for myself
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I've been in a bit of a slump for the last day or so, and have been doing alot of soul searching to try and figure out why.  It then occured to me that there's still a part of me (moral issues more or less) that I'm holding on to, telling myself "I'll let them go when I get to that step".  Very messed up thinking on my part, letting my old ways of thinking back into my head.  I've been praying alot obout it, and asked God to help me do what is right.  I glanced beside me and saw my 24 hours a day book, and asked God for direction before randomly opening the pages.  I happend to turn directly to the Aug 26 reading...

 

A.A. Thought for the Day

"If we are still clinging to something that we will not let go, we must sincerely ask God to help us to be willing to let even that go, too.  We cannot divide our lives into compartments and keep some for ourselves.  We must give all the compartments to God.  We must say: 'My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.  I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my friends"'.  Am I still clinging to something that I will not let go?

 

Meditation for the day

The laws of nature cannot be changed and must be obeyed if you are to stay healthy.  No exceptions will be made in your case.  Submit to the laws of nature or they will finally break you.  And in the realm of the spirit, in all human relashonships, submit to the moral laws and to the will of God.  If you continue to break the laws of honesty, purity, and unselfishness, and love, you will be broken to some extent yourself.  The moral and spiritual laws of God, like the laws of nature, are unbreakable without some disaster.  If you are dishonest, impure, selfish, and unloving, you will not be living according to the laws of the spirit and you will suffer the consequences.

 

Prayer for the day

I pray that I may submit to the laws of nature and to the laws of God.  I pray that I may live in harmony with all the laws of life.

 

I was instantly blown away.  I got down on my knees, and asked God to help me submit to his laws, and to remove these defects from me.  Within a moment, I felt on top of the world again~you know, that happy, joyous and free feeling that comes only from complete surrender.  I'm sure I'll never know exactly how this program works, and I really don't need to.  I have to keep reminding myself it's about the journey, not the destination.  Today I made a conscious decision to give God my will and my life, and to simply not pick up a drink.  I felt I had to share this with my friends here, and hope that if there's anyone else out there today feeling like I did, they might read this and get the same little Spiritual awakening I did.  Thanks for letting me share!!!

 

Brian



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Ruadh gu brath
kj


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Wow! That is very powerful! Sounds like you were right where you needed to be when you needed to be there!

Awesome - thanks for sharing.

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turninggrey


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Hey Reffner,
I have had that experience as well and it is humbling.

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Sobrietyspell


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My Gosh, Thank you, Brian! Your post has blown me away too. It is the principles of the program in a nutshell & the steps are the specific instructions on how we can practice them. I have found as my recovery deepens, becoming a little bit easier 1Day@aTime when I'm surrendering into a willingness, that happiness comes 'as a result'. It is not something to be chased like some kind of quantity but achieved by doing the next right things & allowing ourselves to adjust our attitudes towards our assets in replacement of our defects. I know I allow God to help in the decisions I make as my energy heightens when I am practicing God's will. This entry that you found puts it so well & I'm pleased you posted it. Thanks alot, Danielle x

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pinkchip


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Aaah step 3 in action...Made a decision...   Just remember Reffner, not all of your old ways were bad...the only part about people's moral self-inventories that I see them constantly getting hung up on (myself included) is that they forget that there was/is good in them and they don't need to wash that away too.  Like you wrote, you give God the good and the bad.  On top of all your character defects is an asset, so when you ask to remove the defect, what you are really asking for is to move more in the direction of the asset that goes along with that defect.  For example, perfectionism is a defect, but the asset that goes along with that is a striving to work hard and do better.  I want to have the unreasonable perfectionism taken away, but not my drive to succeed and work hard.  People pleasing is a defect, but enjoying being able to contribute to other's laughing, smiling, and complimenting others is an asset.  Yada yada.  I came to understand all these steps are about dimensions of spirituality and personality and they are not as rigid as I thought.  Fore example, I used to think step 2 meant that once I came to believe in God I would be totally sane and never have depression or crazy thoughts.  No...I come to find out that all it really means is that the more spiritual I am and the more I go to my HP, the less insane I will be and vice versa when I feel insane, I can go to my HP and take solace (It's a process and not a finite thing where God appears and casts a magic wand over my head and my insanity is *poof* gone). Only step 1 is rigid and set in stone and that is why they say it's the only one we do have to get perfect.  Glad this is making sense to you, and your step 3 worked out so beautifully.  Just wanted you to get a take on it that might alleviate some of the pressure of having to get these other steps so perfectly right that you might beat yourself up over it.  We both have that defect...(beating self up...and the asset that would probably go along with it is humility).  Keep up the great work and remember there really are no stumbling blocks other than drinking.  What you think is a stumbling block is just something for you to learn from.  Periods of depression are just little or large obstacles for you to grow from.  This is some of what I have picked up on in my time in AA.  Hope it helps.

Mark

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