Down in the dumps

cramcj01 · Senior Member

Down in the dumps

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Hi Cram. Sorry you are feeling down. Let me ask you something. Are you sober TODAY? Are you doing better than you were when you were drinking? Our roller-coaster ride can't always be on the upswing. It goes downhill at times too, you know. Have you been to many meetings lately? Sometimes, on some days, especially when we are feeling ill, we have to just be OK with not drinking that day, and work on the rest later.

I feel bad for the shingles thing. We treat shingles patients all the time. And even folks who have a HUMONGOUS outbreak, like half their entire trunk, or face, don't always require narcotic pain killers. Just a thought. If your doctor and you feel you need them though, then so be it, I would never get between anyone and his/her doctor. I have no idea what your particular pain is like. I sure hope that it subsides soon though, and that your pain is manageable, medication or not.

Singles is actually created by the chickenpox virus, which is indeed related to herpes, but in the case of shingles, not all the virus is destroyed by the immune system when people had initial chickenpox. The virus continues to live in the nervous system, and attacks at times of stress or illness. When your resistense is down is when it can hit you the hardest. Are you getting your rest and eating well? Are you/can you take large doses of Valtrex anti-retroviral to help you get through this?

I'll tell you what, stop beating yourself up over energy drinks and stuff. You know they don't do any good anyway, just tired again after they wear off. I am planning to take a nap this afternoon, it is much needed. Can you do the same? Sometimes getting caught up on some decent rest can do wonders for our worries.

I am sending you hugs and hoping that you feel better soon, inside and out.

Joni

kj · Veteran Member

Wow- hope you are feeling better and soon-! I'm trying to create new habits --healthy ones in place of old ones....detours for my mind as well as my body and giving myself permission to take a little down time in my head.

Like Joni I took a nap today and am trying to finish the last 30 pages of a book --with your illness right now I can understand the struggle in your head to feel poorly - I think feeling good about your sobriety right NOW is a positive thing.

Take care of you - be good to yourself.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Wishing you well soon, Crystal. You know you share such kindhearted replies with everyone here & I wonder how much you're doing for yourself to help you with your happiness. You haven't mentioned the steps much & the hard work that they take gives such rewards which bring a great deal of happiness with its trials & successes. I'd like to hear more of your ES&H regarding your recovery because I know you're making alot of effort to change & stay sober 1Day@aTime :)

I had shingles back in 98 & I was lucky enough to catch it from the onset. I had the standard prescribed treatment for it at the time & took some additional painkillers which were worse than the illness as they knocked me for six so I didn't bother with them but endured the pain instead. I haven't had any shingles since so there's a good chance that once you're through this & taking care of yourself you'll be fine. Keep your chin up, babe. You know it's all worth it. Thanks for coming back & being here, Danielle x

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

sorry to hear about that Crystal, hope you feel better soon. Be good to yourself.

kkotz401 · Senior Member

Sorry to hear you are sick. Follow doctors orders and I am sure you will be fine. Take care.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Okay Crystal, we have almost the same sobriety time and are pretty much dealing with what sounds like identical issues. I read your post and can say (minus the shingles) I feel pretty much the same way. I have a huge ball of addiction and keep trying to stuff it with things outside myself. All of those things have turned out to be crutches and temporary fixes for the real problem which now I know is within me. All I know to do at this point is ride this out and stay sober another day. I have a therapist, I have a fellowship, I have meetings, I have this website, I have my cat, I have my house....a lot of things could be worse but I'm not really diggin on the whole gratitude thing at the moment. I guess if I look back on how I functioned in the past, I would be getting wasted right now and trying to find a new boyfriend in a bar. I would probably dig myself into a deep hole from new wreckage I would create. I would wind up having to move back home and live with my parents rather than what good things will likely occur if I stay sober. I am slowly and sometimes painfully learning to live life on its own terms. The largest relief for this feeling of emptiness and that I am so broken I can't be fixed what I was taught in the beginning. Meetings, pick up the phone, do stepwork (eek still not as good at that one as the others) and stay connected. If I isolate through this stuff, I'm gonna wind up getting drunk. Otherwise, I'm going to learn and hopefully heal more from the inside out. The good thing about having worked a fairly decent program in most ways to this point is that when this bad crap happened to me, a bunch of people called, expressed concern both on here and in my ordinary support network. So yeah, I'm still chugging coffee, smoking cigarrettes a lot, and I did the relationship bandaid thing too... I dunno, I guess what I'm saying is I feel where you are coming from, but I also know this will pass and God has a plan for both of us which does not involve being needy and unfulfilled. I have learned I was more screwed up than I thought when I came into AA, but that is okay. Most times things have to hurt in order to get better. I have also learned that there is a decent person in me that everyone else sees, but I still don't for whatever reason.

I look at it this way. It says in the big book that our ego has to be smashed and then rebuilt with faith. My ego feels thoroughly smashed and I am rebuilding and undergoing a complete spiritual overhaul. It is raw and I feel MASSIVELY vulnerable. Yes, I want to cling to things to make it less scary and awkward, but I think the fact that I'm going through this means I'm doing things right. I don't have the defenses that I used to which sort of made me a "functional" alcoholic. Most of those defenses were BS anyway because however functional I was, I was an active alcoholic heading downhill. Change is so difficult and slow, but we both need to keep faith. I'm truly identifying with you and just want you to know that the "I'm so broke I can't be fixed feeling" is normal, but it is the disease speaking and like others here stated, it must be worked through with faith (in the program, in your sponsor, in the steps, and in your HP). Keep on truckin cuz that's what I plan to do, besides, we are coming up on a year soon (I hope...cuz you didn't share about any real alcohol relapses). This whole first year was/is supposed to just be about learning to live without alcohol anyhow. Naturally, as alcoholics it sounds like we both made it way more complicated than it needed to be but that's par for the course. Anyhow, feel better both mentally and physically. Believe in learning and believe in healing. We are both recovering sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly right?

Love,

Mark

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Hi Crystal,

Somedays the best thing that happens is that we just dn't drink. It's good that you are writting about this and realize you need to work a harder.

Learning to live and be comfortable in our own skin was a struggle for me in the begining.

I think many alcholics struggle with mental obsessions on other things once alcohol is removed (ask me how I know). We just need to keep striving toward progress knowing we need not be perfect. Moderation and balance are to be strived for.

I don't want this to sound the wrong way, but I have seen a lot more people get drunk because they could not be perfect, than those who worked toward progress.

For me, getting over mental obsession means maitaining my spirtiual condition.

Good spiritual condition means, getting out of me, helping others, RAK, meetings/activity/steps, and prayer and meditation. Meditaion is especially important the 12 and 12 explains it well.

Take Care,