My wife went to visit her Mum in the old folks home at the weekend, taking my son and daughter with her. Son and daughter were dreadfully upset at the state of their Nan and were very withdrawn after the visit.
My wife got talking to the daughter on Wednesday - explaining her Mum's condition and asking what the daughter felt. Daughter explained that she finds it really upsetting and doesn't really want to see her Nan again as she's scared that Nan will turn into a crazy old lady. My wife then said it was good for her to have the company and she'd like it if she and daughter could go down together again. Daiughter then said she couldn't do this until November due to pressure of work and suggested to wife that she ask me to go. (her actual words were apparantly why don't you ask Dad to go with you).
This is the first time that my daughter has used the word Dad in over 3 years!
My wife then said she'd wanted to ask me but thought that it would be too upsetting for my daughter to know that. Daughter's response apparantly was ' if it was my Mum, I wouldn't let that get in the way, 'cos nothing would keep me from my Mum'
I take this to be a very good sign, albeit a little baby step in the right direction.
Anyway, off on holiday tomorrow, a week in North Wales, in a cottage by a trout lake, got my meetings list printed off and my wife is coming too. (and she's told the kids!)
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
When you talk about your daughter, I always think inside, little girls ALWAYS LOVE and need their Daddys. I see her anger as related to how much she Loves you underneath the veil of Anger.
Hope you have a great little Holiday with your Wife.
Hugs, Toni
Yes, she is an "adult" now, but inside we are always, Adult, with a little girl still there inside.
-- Edited by toni baloney on Friday 24th of July 2009 02:46:10 PM
BB!! Awesome stuff!!! And I feel in a way, proud of your daughter for expressing her feelings about Nan, and her true desire to not be seeing her all the time, if it upsets her. It is hard to be honest about stuff like that, as it is "socially unacceptable" in some folks' minds. But we do have to take care of ourselves emotionally, and it sounds like she is doing that for herself.
Yes, I will totally agree with what was said (Toni) about girls and their daddies. I lost contact with my dad for many years while I was out using and slumming it on the streets. My dad just couldn't emotionally take it anymore after seeing my mom die at 29 in an alcoholic car accident, so he detached. I hated him. (Or so I thought). I blamed him for my own misery, as my childhood was, as I saw it, "militant".
Now we have the BEST relationship one could ever imagine, years later. We go FISHING a lot too. I am heading back down to Florida this winter to see him (he goes for a few months every winter), and I will fish for speckled perch, bass and crappies for a week or so, every single day. It is such an awesome and beautiful, peaceful time together, and at 37 years old, I still become his "little girl" again when we are hanging out together.
You and your daughter are eligible for this kind of reparation too. Just keep staying sober, praying, and trying to do the next right thing. Be patient with her. I truly believe she will come around. Little girls don't stay mad forever!!
(((hugs))) Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
