Saw the wife, or now I say widow, of an old friend of mine from program. We first met in another program for a problem we shared as a result of our drinking. I was able to give him something about his anger that he was very grateful to have and helped him in his family, program and community relations. He came to understand that the emotion that always drives anger and rage is fear...fear first and then the explosion. That was a hard one for him to get but he did get it when I helped him to understand that if he were to take just 3 seconds pause before he acted out and asked himself what is scaring me...what am I afraid of? the chances are he wouldn't get locked up angry and drunk most of the time. He was like us, were we are doing what we have done to take care of his alcoholism. I use to support him in AA and we talked often. He was doing the best he could with what he had and the more time he spent in the program the more he had. There was a relapse or two and personality problems with some of the other members and then....duh have we not also been there done that? One afternoon he waved me down with a smile on his face and just had to tell me that he had etched the lesson of 4 seconds pause on the inside of his head and then asked me to ask him how many fights he had been in lately. I asked him and he said zero!! none!! and then he asked me to ask him how many he had lost and I did then too and he said zero!! none!! cause I haven't been in any since I got the 4 second rule tattooed inside of his head. I laughed and thanked him for his support because he had just taught me that I could add another second anytime I needed. LOL I got in the program...staying in and with it and even allowed himself to go back to his joy of riding a Harley Sportster. He looked cool, relaxed and at peace with the world around him. He died on that Harley a short time ago and now I have the answer to my wondering yesterday where Mike was. He had not returned to drinking. He died sober without another fight on his schedule. May we all be so very fortunate...Rest in peace Mike.
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 23rd of July 2009 07:22:04 PM
Hi Jerry. Your friend died with his boots on and his whits about him. Awesome stuff. I am glad you have such a wealth of support for his family now. Take care and hugs to you and all.
Joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Thanks for this inspiring story. It's sad to hear when a brother dies but heartening to know he died sober. I'll take the 4 second pause and apply that to myself, God knows sometimes I need it. I'll also take the benefit of it - if you're not angry then you don't get into fights then you don't lose the fights.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
