I've had a really maniac couple of weeks what with  (mostly) work and all. I work next week but then I get a week holiday time (with the weekends that makes 9 whole days)

i've been on the road at site meetings for 9 of the last 10 working days and done around 2500 miles since the beginning of the month.

Fortunately I've got a new car from work and it's really comfortable and easy to drive and I've been able to get back home every night, only missing one regular meeting.

I was so tired yeserday that I slept until noon, then shortly after I got up, my (estranged) wife came round. I think this is where I'me going. She wanted to talk about her relationship with our son and daughter. So we talked, hell, we even role played a bit, she was the Mum and i was the son.

My son and daughter, who I love very much and miss to heartbreak, will have no contact with me. my wife wants them to and can't accept that they won't and that I accept that they won't.

She said things like - I hate my life as it is. I hate what you have done to this family, i wish that the kids could see that you've changed and the cruncher - I wish they'd let me live with you!

I wish she would live with me too, but i recognise that she feels the need to make sure that the (adult) children are reasonably secure in their future - but then as she seems to be unable to tell them what she wants, then i suppose they'll continue to blindly live off Mum and mum will continue to support them.

I've done my bit and more. I've tried to ensure that my son and daughter are not materially disadvantaged by my absence, hence I have been able to contribute financially to the running of the family home, i've kept out of the way, i've learnt to mind my own business. I try to let them make their own mistakes.

My Son is 18 and works at an outdoor sports shop, is an adult instructor with the Marine Cadets, is learning to drive and is trying to work up the courage to try something where he might fail (i.e. Join the Royal Marines) - he pays his way as best he can - he pays 20% of his wage as board money to his Mum and is never late. Sure, sometimes he ends up with no money at the end of the week and borrows a few bob from his Mum for bus fares, but this is becoming less frequent. He sure doesn't earn enough money to live independantly just yet, but he's working on it.

my daughter is 23 and is a technical manager at a music venue. She's on a good salary and this is supplemented by cash jobs for rock bands. She has a car, pays a flat £200 a month rent to her Mum and is in debt to around £15k (student loans etc.). Sure she could live independantly, if she was willing to accept a bed sit, rahter than a 4 bedroom centrally heated house and a garden. She spends money like water, but so far as she continues to pay the rent, her debts are her affairs surely - this is what I suggest to my wife anyway.

I haven't spoken to my son in over 3 years - I've written amends to him, but I believe his sister intercepted the mail and tore it up - at least that what she told me. I wrote amends to my daughter and she rang me after a few weeks to firstly wish me an early, painful and prolonged death for all the harm I have caused her. an hour later she called again and was able to tell me just how I have affected her life, how she has no forgiveness in her, how she cannot and will not trust me and to finally close off all communication with me. (oh and also to tell me that she intercepts all my son's mail and tears up anything from me, including that snivelling, grovelling apology). Let's just say that she has closed the door on me, but I'm not going to either lock it or kick it down.

Oh boy, this was a long one. Not sure what it was all about. haven't thought about a drink at all - that won't make any damn thing better - ah yes, just read back and realised that I'm acting as my wife's sponsor / counsellor - that can't be good. But when you love someone as i love my wife and children, surely you want to help them grow and have a better life? that's not wrong is it?