How do you find a sponsor? I am going to a newcomers AA tomorrow and was suggested to find a sponsor, I am naturally shy and my biggest fear is asking someone and being rejected, any tips? Thanks Steve
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Wouldn't necessarily rush it too much, although if you end up choosing someone who doesn't work out for you (like I did with my first two) you still will learn a lot from the experience and from them.
Sometimes at meetings, they'll ask anyone who is available to sponsor to raise their hands. I'll bet if you are asked to talk and mention that you don't have a sponsor yet but would like one, then hang around after the meeting, someone will come up to you and either offer or point you in the right direction. (It may take a couple tries)
Good luck!
P.S. If you are rejected, it will probably be because the person either is not yet ready to sponsor someone or has a sponsee or sponsees at that time and doesn't feel they can handle another. No big deal, and I'm sure they'll try to help you find one.
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Thursday 16th of July 2009 05:08:02 PM
Just to let you know that it rook me almost a year to find someone who connected with. Yes I was shy too as well until I got to know a few people and that meant I had to allow people in to get to know me.
Yes its suggested to find a sponser, let time take it course and your hp will guide you need to go. And don't be sorry about questions, it does not hurt to ask no matter how stupid u think the question is.
If you know, it doesn't hurt to ask... It works both ways, a 50/50 it's who you connect with.
hugs
tina
-- Edited by Tina on Thursday 16th of July 2009 05:45:08 PM
First things first, and so happy you found that Newcomers Meetings for yourself. GREAT NEWS.
A Sponsor, is a Guide through the 12 steps of Recovery, the way out of the Disease. No need to rush to grab a Sponsor, at this time, my opinion, just sitting and listening is what I did for a long long time. Just letting things unfold as they will.
But as to meeting other men in the Program, go early to to the meetings, and stay for a while after the meeting, just standing there, someone will notice and strike up a conversation with you, especially if you have raised your hand as a Newcomber, and many many people in AA are shy as well.
Get yourself a AA Big Book, and read the first 164 pages, and you will be amazed at how so much of those pages jump right out as "wow, that sounds like Me" We do this AA Program together dear, and you dont ever have to feel that way you did when you were downing those 20 shots of Vodka, chased with Beer, Again.....
And just speaking figuratively now, but if you were about to go on a Journey to a Place you had never been too, would you not prefer to have a guide take you through all that unknown territory. That is how I see a Sponsor. Many times people with a lot of sobriety go specifically to the Newcomers Meeings. for the Newcomber, just in case they might be able to lend a hand, and help anyone interested in beginning the Steps, get through the Steps, just one step at a time, and in order. And that they will be able to provide for you.
The rooms of AA are full of people from every nationality, every profession, every non-profession, facinates me always, how Eclectic we are, and we come together and share a very strong bond like no other groups of people that I know of do.
So happy for you..about your going, please tell us all about it, ok???
Hugs and congratulations on just being here, you have a wonderful attitude, and it shines brightly.
Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Thursday 16th of July 2009 06:20:37 PM
A sponsor is somebody in AA who WANTS to help you and show you how this thing works. (and it really DOES work!!!!!) This is a person who is so happy he has found recovery and happiness, that he desperately wants to share it with a new person, so they can be relieved of all this craziness too. Just go to the meeting, and ask them there what you should do to get a sponsor. It would not surprise me if someone there did not ask you if you want them to help you (sponsor you), or point you to the person who would be happy to do so.
You would be surprised at how folks at the meetings will FLOCK to help you, if you just go and say, "Hey, I'm new, and I need help with this AA Program thing!" That's about the only button you have to push, is the "help button".
So glad to see you here!!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
This a '' we program ' we need each other wen i first sober up i needed that guidence of a sponcer ,,,then i need to pass on what was givin to me ..cannot keep it ..that is a way that it works ,,,so dont be shy a sponcer needs you just as much you need him
What i look for is sombody who goes to meetings ,,,and is in service ...and has others he is working with ,,,and has a sponcer himself .
As to what they do, I guess it would depend on the sponsor. I've heard that some will make you call them every day - none of mine have done that. You just do as your sponsor suggests and hopefully get better. I call (or usually text) my sponsor once in awhile, otherwise so far I just go to his house 45 minutes a week and we read through the BB and sometimes he gives me an assignment.
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Thursday 16th of July 2009 11:02:05 PM
All very good advice so far. Something I was told when I was looking for a sonosor is find one who has the kind of sobriety you want. As far as them saying no, that happend to me the first 2 times I asked, and it made me feel pretty bad. I later came to realize that they said no because of personal problems in their lives, and wouldn't have been able to give me the help and support that they needed to at the time. They were not only looking out for their own sobriety, but mine as well. When I was going through rehab, it was suggested I get a "temporary" sponsor; just someone that would help me be accountable for me and my own actions. Now that I'm out I've got a sponsor and we have started working the steps all over again. Way to go finding and getting to a meeting, I think you'll enjoy it. Good luck, and keep us updated.
hey steve! it's good to ask questions: it is a demonstration of the third tradition (the desire to stop drinking) and it's the easiest wat to get answers. it was suggested to me to ask questions when looking for a sponsor: has that person worked the twelve steps with a sponsor? do they have a sponsor? do they have more time than you? the questions you ask are yours. i started off in treatment so i was TOLD what questions to ask. LOL it was necessary for me to have someone (several someones actually) to tell me what to do for the first 18months. glad to see you keep coming back...
Until you find that Sponsor, use the wisdom from the oldtimers here and let them guide you through your steps. i recommend, in the absence of a sponsor for now, find a good workbook and let it guide you through your journey. My books are a blessing, and each night i spend at least an hour in them.
Personally, I would be in favor of finding a sponsor fast knowing that you are just coming out of detox. You are taking this seriously and that should attract a sponsor pretty quickly because it shows in your attitude. There are several different types of sponsors because sponsors are people, sponsors are alcoholics, and sponsors all have different ideas. There are commonalities, but mainly the person is there as a guide and a support. I have seen a full range of different things sponsors suggest, but none of it is bad. Asking for a temporary sponsor is a good thing because that way you are making it clear on both ends it's a trial basis thing. Don't feel bad if they say no and/or if they emphasize "temporary." The first person I asked said no, but I was so messed up then and crying about everything that I just kept looking for another one. I have 9 and a half months sober and my sponsor's role has shifted over that time. At the start, he laid out my meeting schedule for me. He answered my callls and had ME call HIM every day...not the other way around. He held me accountable for making all 7 meetings a week and not only that...but not being late. He gave some assignments early on like writing gratitude lists, journaling, and writing my "last drunk" in detail. He also had me go up to like 2 people after every meeting and ask for their phone numbers. He asked me if I was calling them. He wanted me to share at beginners meetings every meeting. Basically, in retrospect it all worked out perfectly and I am really grateful for what he did for me. I needed all of that then...as to what I need now...probably a kick in the ass to do my steps and reminders not to fall into self pity mode. Anyhow, hope that helps. If you don't find a sponsor right away, you need to set your own 7 day a week meeting schedule (my suggestion - as you are coming out of detox and you know you are ready and want this) and try and do those things I mentioned. Listening is great, but you are there for help and letting others in is critical to building a sober support network. It will greatly lessen your chances of relapse. Again, my suggestions only based on my experience...which was not that long ago so...take it for what it's worth.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I was anxious about the whole sponsor thing, very shy with new people and came here first. Well I found the best sponsor for me right now either by accident or as I believe, the universe was watching out for me in this case. Any how, at the meetings I go to they always ask who is willing to sponsor even if no one raises a hand as new to AA. I find it hard to remember who's who during the meetings but I was given contact lists at the first few meetings, and made little notes. I ended up emailing the wrong person, but we both decided it was meant to be and went with it.
Also, I thought the AA pamphlet on Sponsorship was very helpful. They're usually available at meetings. I've read and reread it even after connecting with my sponsor.
