Broke my 10 day sobriety today :-/

BeerIsMyPoison · Veteran Member

Broke my 10 day sobriety today :-/

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Ah, so you had a case of the "fuckits"!

Ya that's a relapse, sorry to say, if you're actually an alcoholic. Maybe you're not sure yet. Tell ya what my sponsor said today, he's had a few guys who weren't sure. Go out and have 2 beers a day, every day for 2 weeks. (That's beers, not 40 oz'ers) If you can do that and not ever have a 3rd drink, you're probably not an alcoholic. (Although it's not a guarantee, and you could be on the path to becoming one). If at some point you take that third drink, despite your attempt to go 2 weeks without doing so, you probably are alcoholic.

Either try that, or maybe read the Big Book if you've gotten yourself one (they're pretty cheap at meetings, maybe $6-7) and see if you recognize yourself in any of the stories in the back. (Your story doesn't have to be exactly like them, but you might recognize some commonalities)

I'll tell ya one more thing that was mentioned to me at the treatment center: Attempts to control your drinking indicates that it's probably already out of control. Non-alcoholics don't obsess over alcohol and try to limit their intake.

The good news is you're still alive and kickin', and you only blew 10 days (some go back out after several months or even years and then have to start all over). Don't beat yourself up over it, it's very common and probably not your fault (if you're an alcoholic, it's definitely not your fault because you have a disease which you do not yet fully understand). We all only have 24 hours, we can only keep this at bay 24 hours at a time by constantly trying to maintain spiritual progress in our lives.

Good luck!

-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Wednesday 15th of July 2009 10:57:43 PM

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

I will say a prayer for you, I believe you truly want to quit and you wouldnt even post here if you didnt feel some regret, but like they say 24hours a time man, you can do it, I have seen alcohol ruin to many lives, I never tried to quit before after years of drinking but today is day 5 for me and sure I have had cravings but I try to do something else then they go away. I still need to find some AA here but its hard as I have a 5 year old son and my gf works days and I work nights and we have no babysitter... Just know we are here for you bro!
Steve

cramcj01 · Senior Member

That's about is clear as a relapse can be, unfortunately. But, the good thing is that you know what happened........and can hopefully get right back onto the path you were taking! You seemed to be doing great. Just get your head on straight, and start again. I hear that sometimes a relapse can be a positive part of our recovery....but not to let us think that we should all go out and do it once in awhile biggrin

.

JEFF_1958 · Newbie

Unfortunately I too went "out" again... It is frustrating and leaves me with a feeling of hopelessness... I've lost my "lust" for AA-again, and feel like i'm on a downward slope. I actually don't care if i lose my job or not - would give me more time to drink. I know, this is loser talk.

eastcoastscott · Senior Member

Hey folks, it's not the end of the world. As addicts, we run to out "perceived solution" whenever things get tough...it's all we know. It is a learned behavior. It doesn't mean however, that there isn't a better way to deal with things. Recovery is our new chosen path but is very difficult, not futile! Always have enough hope to get back into recovery, there is no shame in relapse, "we are not saints". Start over many times, who cares, nobody is keeping count. You got into recovery with a gut feeling that you wanted to live sober.....this is your Higher Power at work.....listen to that little voice, it is subtle but powerful. Keep coming back!

joelo · Senior Member

Sobriety is the journey, it's NEVER a destination. Chalk it up to another lesson on how NOT to do it, and don't drink TODAY.

BeerIs and Jeff, you are in my prayers

BeerIsMyPoison · Veteran Member

Hi all,

@ Squirrel - Thanks man. See, I just don't understand the point to having only 1 beer. People act like beer tastes so great, analyzing the hopps & grains. I don't think beer tastes that great, there are just different types of tastes. So when people have only one beer, I'm thinking why are you even having that beer? I guess in my mind, it's an all or nothing type deal.

@ Steve - Thanks for your advice. 24 hours at a time! Hopefully just 16 hours because I'd like to sleep about 8 hours smile

Go to google.com and search for aa meetings in your state! You'll find a lot of them!

To Everybody:

Looking back at yesterday, I realize that the 2 main obstacles I was unable to mentally defeat were focusing my attention on 1. finding another solution instead of the beer, and 2. finding something to take my mind off being angry

If I'm able to find answers to those two problems, there's a great chance of me not resorting to "Solution Drinking."

Today's a new day!

I'm going to see if I can get financial aid at another college.

See ya guys later!

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Get back in your Sobriety Saddle & keep on riding, BIMP. I relapsed every other week for the first two months which made my average a two week stint. After my fourth relapse I realised I wasn't sober at all, got myself a sponsor & got onto the steps. I haven't had a drink since. Living Sober takes practice & commitment :) Willing you onwards! Danielle x

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP, Jeff. I'd hate to be on the outskirts of A.A. neither in or out so I can feel for your struggle right now. My main difficulty is in hanging onto gratitude at times so I keep my hand in with service & contributing to others as is always given to me. I know I want to stay sober & this helps even through the times my obsession returned. It is a Godsend that I have been helped to stay sober so far though this has been a relatively short time. It is my intention to stay sober a long time 1Day@aTime ;) Your passion will return. I know you love A.A. & our Newcomers, Danielle x

JEFF_1958 · Newbie

Thanks for the encouraging words... it actually helped me feel a little better. I do feel, however that at local meetings that I am looked down at because I slipped. I know it shouldn't matter and that AA's who do actually looked down on me are not working a very good program... still, it bothers me a lot. I also know this is no excuse for not going to a mtg, but I'm hard-headed I guess.

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

JEFF_1958 wrote:

Thanks for the encouraging words... it actually helped me feel a little better. I do feel, however that at local meetings that I am looked down at because I slipped. I know it shouldn't matter and that AA's who do actually looked down on me are not working a very good program... still, it bothers me a lot. I also know this is no excuse for not going to a mtg, but I'm hard-headed I guess.

Hmmm I can tell you for myself, I know a few who have slipped and I haven't looked down on them. Next time it might be me, after all. I've been grateful for the opportunity to learn from their slips without slipping myself.

It could be in your head, or maybe they're being harder on ya because you slipped as some kind of tough love to try and keep you sober, I don't know. Hope you keep coming back though!

-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Thursday 16th of July 2009 05:11:32 PM

BeerIsMyPoison · Veteran Member

I agree, I don't think anyone is ashamed of you. they are hoping you stay sober.

Got my Financial Aid at a college 3 cities away! :D

School starts august 31! I'll be taking classes monday - thursday @ 6pm-10p! No more time for drinking!

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Poison, whatever this is "called" is not as important as getting up, getting your AA boots pulled back on, getting back up on the horse, and giddyapp, let's ride em'!!! Hold your head back up, today is another day!! Learn what you can from this experience, talk about it with other alkies (thereby helping THEM to stay sober), and ONWARD!!!

Been there, done that, and rolling around in a pile of poop over this is not helpful, so stay away from puddles of self-pity. If you're still suckin' air, you are blessed, and today is another day!

Hugs,
Joni

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

BIMP - I am not trying to sound high handed at all, however...this is why they do recommend the 90/90 at the start. You replace that "solution drinking" with meeting problem solving. If not to share your problem at the meeting and let it go....it's to just sit there, hear others, take your mind off of it, or calm down and make a better decision later because the meeting was there to interrupt your behavior. Gradually, it gets easier and easier to stay sober between meetings because the intervals between them are short, you develop a network of sober friends and then eventually, coping skills for dealing with situations that used to make you drink. With most of the problems that people are talking about on here, the immediate thought for me would be "I need to go to a meeting." If I am lonely, sad, stressed...whatever, my current thought is "I need to go to a meeting." I am a newcomer and highly meeting dependent...that is okay though because I think that's how it works. I also know that we don't get "undependent" on meetings because it's our medicine...this gets to Jeff...

I never thought I would reach the point where I felt like going to meetings was a drag or a waste of time. I have found myself thinking that way several times now, but I remembered that it was told to me that when I don't feel like going to a meeting, it is probably the time when I need to go most. There are times now when I am like "Crap! I wasn't even thinking about drinking until that meeting." There are also times when I am like "I'm having fun, why do I have to stop doing whatever to go to a meeting?" Also, I gained the scary ability to isolate now and I sometimes think "I could just lay here all day and not drink..no big deal." I turn that to gratitude by looking back and remembering that in those first 90 days, there was not a day that I didn't think about drinking in some capacity, I also had no fun without drinking for so so long, and lastly I used to drink whenever I felt lazy, depressed, happy, tired (whatever) so this is progress. I am pretty sure now that I could go quite a while without meetings before getting drunk, but eventually, it would happen so I'm not going to gamble. AA is a way of life and life isn't always fun. For this alcoholic, it's better than the alternative though and I deeply know that, even when I'm not feeling grateful for AA, it's still saving my life. Also, when I'm "not feelin" AA so much, that's time to take a committment because I know me and my brain will find a way out if I let it.

P.S. I also know I'm becoming the "approaching 1 year Mr. AA guy" who blabs a lot about how AA works and how great it is because it's working for me. While annoying to others at times, it is also something I will pass through I think and just be satisfied and have more quiet serenity if I don't drink. I might come off sounding like I think I know a lot...but I am totally stupid about my own drinking. In that aspect, I hope to always be dumb so I can remain teachable.

DrJohn · Newbie

Yes you relapsed. Whenever you get possessed by the notion that drinking is the answer to making you feel better or otherwise coping with emotional distress, your alcoholism is attacking you & constructing your relapse. When you act on this impulse and drink to cope with butthurt (which BTW why let the FAO rent quality space in your head anyway?) then your relapse is complete. My current favorite medicine (my former medicine being alcohol/drugs) is a paraphrased quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Nobody can make you feel bad unless you let them". My advice is to examine the truth of this quote, go to a meeting today, get/contact a sponsor that will help you maintain your sobriety in the face of such "incidents", and don't drink/use. Good luck with your recovery's recovery!

carlasober · Senior Member

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