I'm thinking, hey. I've already lost my job, will soon be completely broke, I'm going to meetings every day, trying to work the program the best I can, and now this?
What I'm referring to is that I have just developed an unexpected, out of the blue medical condition that is as yet undiagnosed but could be Crohn's disease or colon cancer. I'm only 41 and have just lost my medical insurance.
Nice timing, God.
Fortunately I can still get Cobra and am about to cash out my retirement (which I was hoping would keep me and my daughter going for a few months while I tried to become employable in a new profession since I can no longer drive for a living) but seriously, God, WTF.
I know there are people worse off than I am, and self-pity will get me nowhere. But I'm doing the best I can and this just comes out of the blue. Doesn't make it so easy to believe in a higher power.
I'm sorry to hear about your misfortunes. I do know the feeling, having lost a job recently, and being diagnosed with hep b, but I have to believe that my HP has his own reasons. I once heard someone say "God won't give us more than we can handle, but I really wish He wasn't so fond of me". Made me laugh a little, then I got what this person was trying to tell me. God knows my limits, and if He's giving me more than I think I can deal with, then He must think I'm a pretty strong person. I guess I ought to just trust Him, because my best efforts got me in a whole world of hurt and pain before I got sober this time. When I climb up on my pitty pot and can't seem to find my way down, I always go back to my Big Book, pg 449 in the 3rd edition, or 417 in the 4th. Like my sig says, "Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake", and I do believe that. Keep the faith, and know that I said a little prayer for you.
Apply for state assistance! You can do it quick & fairly easy. I had my medical problem during the year I was uninsured, and my bills are over $20,000. That's what assistance is for....it won't hurt to apply. Good luck and I hope that everthing turns out okay for you.
I don't think they usually give that to adults in the state of Washington. Also they'd probably count me cashing in my retirement as income. I can try applying of course and see what happens.
FS...it's undiagnosed at this time right? All I can say is stay open to the possibility that it could be nothing or something small. If it is something more serious, you are already taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle and are in a position to fight it just like you are doing in your recovery. Easier said than done yes, and I don't know how I would handle the same scenario. Either way, prayers are going out for you. I very much hope things work out for the better/lesser...you know what I mean.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Damn FS! That is tough. I would really wait to see what the actual diagnosis and treatment is before rolling the fire trucks. It is a bad situation, but go to God and pray. I will do the same here for you. Take steps to attack the problem, do not let it drive your life. Research the disease. Get on the web and find forums. Find the latest treatments and ask your doctor about them. Talk to the state and ask advice on the web now and find out if there is assistance available. Please keep us posted. With Prayers, Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
My dear friend, I am so very sorry for all these things happening at the same time.
Slowing the breathing down, and doing some very deep breathing now, might help.
You know that expression: When your ass falls off, don't drink, right. That can be also seen as When your ass falls off, turn to God, with complete Trust.
Glenn, stop for a moment and look back....sounds a little like expectations playing a part? Are we suppose to believe in God only when thing are ok, or good, or great.
My answer might sound a little tough to hear, this morning, but it in the very hard times, just like yours, is this not EXACTLY when we are suppose to acknowledge our own Powerlessness, and Trust God completely. As in the Center of our Pain, is exactly where we will find God.
The only way to ever find help with the things you are going through, tough tough stuff, Ask for help, keep asking until someone hears you. The squeaking wheel get the grease.
I agree, first look for some form of assistance. Try putting these things down on paper so that they are not just rattling around in your mind. Medical stuff, I had a very serious medical condition that I was told I had, with a Blood Test, well after spending a small fortune of some things because of this diagnosis, it turned out that it was a False/Positive, because of a medication I take, and I did not have what was diagnosed. Doctors are really only guessing, they do not have all the answers. That was my own experience anyway. It was not as serious as yours, but Glenn they have some pretty simple tests, or diagnostic stuff that can confirm or rule out. Just little baby steps, you sound so over whelmed, with GOOD Reason.
Saying a Prayer for you, and thinking of you. again so sorry all this is hitting you, all at once.
When life turns over some very difficut cards, we are so very Powerless, and talking about all of this in a Meeting just might help take a good part of the Power out of it.
Wish I could just give you a big hug, this morning, well, I can send one, and sending......
It is easy to say have faith and this and that ' but it is not '
My first 2 years of sobriety was very hard 'lost my my job ,,my wife -divorce ..kid ran away from home ,,,all i could do was focus on my sobriety i could not do anything about what was going on at the time and the more i focus on the Problems the worce it got '' my problem was keeping in today ,,,every time i think about what is coming up the road ,,,the fear would set in ..
My problem seem to work out ... my kid came to live with me ,,she turn out Great ,
There are Solutions out there ,,,the thing that help me was Talking about it letting other no what going on with me ,,,sponcer ,,,here ,,,that helps
I have had alot of illness since i sober up ,,, just went threw 1 month of testing ,, i find out tommorow the results '' i am scared to death ''
Keep your head up man. You've gotta go through the storm to enjoy the rainbow! There will me much better times ahead, this is just what of those WTF storms..
Aloha Glenn...I remember going thru a real rough time in early recovery and was "taking it to God" when with an open mind I heard this reply, "Why are you blaming me?" Was that what I was trying to do? After further thought I had to agree with HP that it was what I was doing. "Things are not supposed to be so scarey for me, what are you doing or not doing?" There are so many people, places and things including myself that are responsible for the current world conditions. I do care less when these situations hit others and care more when they arrive at my doorstep. God doesn't answer my expectations...God answers my prayers and that is the reason for me to get out of my expectations or I'll miss the answers to my prayers. I have gotten answers to my prayers that only were attached to my emotional, mental, spiritual balance and serenity and that was the exact answer I needed. The finance and job answers came after I quieted down and got the fear out. The first miracle of sobriety for me was the loss of fear and everytime I re-experienced that I made more growth in trust and faith and awareness that it doesn't last forever, never gets as bad as I feared it would, and I have multitudes of support and help in the process of change.
This is a learning curve the top of a mountain and hard climb. When my sponsor asked me what did I see when I got to the top, I told him...other mountains in the distance; some taller some not. Pray for solurtions and work on some yourself. Better having both you and HP working on it; less chance for blame and resentment.
"Sometimes God breaks our spirit to save our soul Sometimes our heart to make us whole Sometimes He allows pain so we can be stronger Sometimes sends us failure so we can be humble Sometimes He allows illness so we can take care of ourselves Sometimes takes everything away so we can learn value of all given to us Plan your life; Plan ahead but understand we only live by God's Grace & the Will of God won't take you where the Grace of God won't protect you"
Prayers with you, Glenn x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I am sorry about what happened. All I can say is that you have to take the good with the bad. I am sure something good will happen to you soon. Your higher power will work things out for you.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
FS...... stop projecting. Stop diagnosing yourself, dooming yourself to continue to be unemployed, and negating in advance what your options may or may not be. Time to stay in TODAY. As of today, you are not terminally ill. As of TODAY, you are not totally broke. As of TODAY, you are not out on the street.
It is time for faith to work. God has not promised us that life would be easy when sober, but he has promised, and never gone back on the fact that He takes care of us, and has our best interest in mind.
God's Will always turns out for good. Always. You have to believe that. That doesn't mean no pain or worries. But I am willing to bet that God has something wonderful planned for you, growth and blessings in the future, if you can hang on through this uncertain time.
I know, easily said, but I speak from experience. We all do. The situation may have been a little different, but the theme is the same. If we got through our drinking, we will get though this, our HP by our side.
Now, if someone would kindly repeat this to me next time I go through a major crisis!!! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Your responses and thoughts helped me a lot, and I'm feeling better today. Still don't know if anything major is wrong and still worried but not quite so down in the dumps about it.
Resiliency rules. Good job taking care of yourself FS. You, and all my peers in AA teach me how to walk through things sober. Thanks for being a good example and for sharing on here.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
GOD doen't make things happen to you good or bad. But if you listen GOD will tell you how to deal with everything. GOD'S voice is the little voice behind your ego, pride, resentments. When you can let all them go it is easier to listen.
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The smallest of good deeds is greater than the best of intentions.
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