I've really been struggling these past few weeks. But was able to get rid of my boyfriend....which was very much needed. Would like to talk a little more about it, but not ready quite yet. Thanks for listening. I'll write more soon.
congrats on ending the relationship instead of your sobriety. since you took on the relationship in early sobriety it's likely that it became a diversion to your program, namely getting in touch with how you feel about yourself. it's time to buckle down and redouble your efforts with the steps and meetings to catch up. how many meetings a week are you attending currently?
Relationships come and go...I should have learned that from my history. Your sobriety can be constant. Through your struggles you grow stronger. I might be facing the same or similar struggles soon...I don't know. I shared that I started a relationship early on in sobriety too despite advice against it from those with time. Remember, you've probably been through worse than this in your drinking days so you will be okay. Prayers for you. Even though the focus is supposed to be on you and all of that...It does help sometimes to remember that there are other fish in the sea and there will be a better boyfriend out there for you in time. One that respects your sobriety, who you are becoming, appreciates you, and all that you are. You deserve it and it will happen eventually. Of course it's possible to be content and happy as a single person, but I do believe everyone desires companionship to an extent. I dunno..still learning here too. We just have to make wiser and wiser decisions as our boundaries improve and we get to know ourselves better i guess. It's a complicated journey, but sounds like you are making it a day at a time. Relationships/break ups are no reason to drink though. I need to remind myself of that all the time because I've been there and done that so many times. I know if mine ends, I have AA to help me through it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
You took a big step in the right direction. I've been married for 14 years (on the 23 of this month) and have come to realize that after 3 months sober, things just aren't what I thought they would be with my wife. I struggle each day with the thought that my marriage just might be over, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep my sobriety. I've placed it in the hands of my HP and trusted that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will. It's a hard thing to do, but I believe you have made the right decision. Keep trusting, working the steps, and going to meetings and you'll be amazed at what God can do for you.
I know change is tough, but you seem relieved about the relationship. I'm thinking this will give you time to focus on you and your program and sobriety.
Be assured God has a plan for your greater than you can imagine if you stay the course and learn to love yourself and get your own house in order!
We need to be heathy to have healthy relationships.
Take care.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Thank you all so much for the kind words, and I am relieved about ending the relalationship. I'd like to get into all of that one of these days, but not quite yet.
Pink Chip, this line has really stuck in my......."Remember, you've probably been through worse than this in your drinking days so you will be okay." That is the TRUTH. Getting over this will never compare to the way I felt waking up in the hospital, or being scared to fall asleep at night. That just made me realize how minimal this relationship is in my life.
And I know that every realtionship won't feel like this, Hopefully one day I will meet someone that isn't worth giving up. But right now, it's just not him.
Crystal, I am rooting for you too, to feel better and more content with this soon. I have found that I always felt like I "needed" whomever I was with at the time. When I eventually met someone I didn't "need", (i.e. I could survive and be very happy on my own, sober), and he didn't "need" me either, which meant that we were together NOT because of some codependency or financial issue, but because we truly wanted to be. We both had something to bring to the table, where in those old relationships, neither one of us seemed to have anything worthwhile to give in the first place.
I did, for a time, worry about things like my looks and the kind of job/car/finances etc. I had, and wondered if any decent man would want to get involved with me. But what I have since found, is that the right kind of man respected me for being exactly where I was at, on my own, improving my own life, and also that we are ALL, as women, Beautiful in most mens' eyes. We are women! Female, soft, strong, loving, temperamental, creative, soothing and funny on some level. It is WHO we are, and it has been going on since the beginning of time, this magnetism from man to woman (or partner... but for the sake of this argument/issue, just celebrating WOMAN-hood in a hetero kind of way).
Don't ever forget who and what you are. You truly DESERVE someone who will be mesmerized and into all that you are as a woman!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
P.S.... "Codependent No More", by Melody Beatty....... best book I could ever have read while going through relationship issues/leaving bad ones behind. Whether you think you're codependent or not, it is the most freeing book, realizing and practicing the things that will make you feel secure and whole, set good boundaries, and celebrate taking care of YOU.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
