Someone I care a great deal about is getting ready to do something I would normally advise against... she's going to marry an alcoholic... me!!
I was married before. 5 years drinking, then 5 years sober. Then 15 years sober and single, over 12 without being in any kind of real relationship. We've been together now more than two years and will tie the knot very soon. It will be my second marriage but my first wedding. First time was court with a couple family members including her alcoholic mother, who showed up at 10 am already drunk. This time will be with 80 friends and family and no alcohol will be served. I invited some of my closest friends from AA - wish I could afford a bigger party because I could invite 100 friends from AA, because without my sobriety there would be no wedding and no friends and certainly not much of a life if life at all.
It sure is different. I've heard it said that a man marries a woman hoping she won't change, and a woman marries a man hoping he will change. That describes my first marriage perfectly... she changed, I didn't - even though I made the most significant change in my life - getting sober - in the middle of that marriage. It wasn't the right change or enough change for her. This time, I think we're both too old to change... LOL. We've been around each other to have seen the worst (or at least my sober worst) and still want to be together.
I hope that she has the good sense to walk away should I ever drink again. And I hope that I never have to find out what her response would be to a relapse on my part. And that's the advice I'd give anyone who wants to marry a sober alcholic.
Congrats Barri, here's to a life of bliss and contentment. I'm 12 years into marriage #2 (16 year relationship) and life is very good. Where's the honeymoon?
Congratulations for you both, Barisax. May your Higher Power guide & look after you for as long as you're listening & loving. I'm overjoyed you've found one another & have the commitment, conviction & confidence to pledge yourselves to each other's happiness & sharing in life as two souls united. I love it! Have an Amazing Day & a Beautiful Marriage. Love Sweet Love & Sobriety, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Congrats! That post made me feel a warm and gooey inside...thankfully in a sober way. I was engaged once. Turns out she was a lesbian and I was gay. Go figure. Sure am glad I called that one off...had the reception hall booked and everything. Best wishes for a truly wonderful wedding and a continuing fabulous companionship!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I got married SOBER, to a "normie". Thank God I did not get married during/before drinking. (Waited until age 32 to tie the knot with someone) BUT..... I did relapse after getting married. Yikes. It was pretty bad too. However, it showed me what I really wanted in life, and that I already had it. It also showed me that he is either a really loyal person, and loves me a whole lot, or that he is real sick too. LOL One of those stories, like, "It was a good thing, no a bad thing, but a good thing, but a bad thing too.......")
Anyhoo, here's hoping you have a long, happy sober marriage. In my opinion, one alcoholic per relationship is plenty enough. (Although countless folks out there have proved me wrong.... as usual...)
Take care and enjoy the ride!!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
If your sober marriage was like mine, it will be a great event with people who your really like and care for and vice versa.
No remorseful or embarrassing acts from anyone, just a lot of positive memories.
I never really dated any AA women till I met my wife 14 years into soberiety, but it has been a great blessing, we have a lot of AA social friends and go to some meetings and events together.
It's been over 10 years and still going strong!
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Thank you everybody for the kind words and wishes. I should also mention that I will be playing the bari sax at the reception. It will be my first performance before an audience larger than a handful since my high school days (and that was a different instrument). I'm planning to do one tune, if it goes well enough maybe another. The sax - as well as a couple of the guys in the *pro* band that are doing the gig - were an important part of my recovery-to-singleness years. We aren't doing karaoke, just bari-oke....
awesome!!! I hope your day is the very best it could ever be!!
My cousin is having a wedding reception tomorrow that consists of all of us heading out to a fishing club to fish together, all family and friends!! So excited!! I love weddings, and it seems that the "later in life" weddings (i.e. second weddings, etc.) are the most fun, because you don't have to "follow the rules". LOL Enjoy your new bride too, Bari!!
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
