Was doing some reading, and a lot of writings on the emotion of Fear.
Well there is of course healthy fear, if you see a car coming at you and you are in the middle of a cross-walk, healthy fear tells us to run, to avoid an injury, or worse.
One of our members here, talks about this emotion as being the undercurrent of all active alcoholism, and when we start to begin the Journey of one day at a time, and not drinking, no matter what, that very dominant emotion is still just sitting there, it has become an intrisic part of us.
Two things I wanted to share on the subject. the first is the Chapter dedicated to Managing our Emotions from Scott Peck, M.D. Book, "The Road Less Travelled" in this chapter he talks about how we need to Manage our emotions, or they will just be in control, if we don't. He mentions that our Emotions can just run around causing chaos, and raiding the Liquor Cabinet, (I sure could relate to that one). And if managing our emotions, with the Fear as the dominent one, then I translated that to mean, Managing mostly our Fears.
The second thought was about a Meeting I was in, in Portland, where I raised my hand when asked if anyone would like to pick a Topic. I chose the topic of FEAR, as I was just about to leave my husband and return to California, and these plans brought up so much chaotic feelings of being so fearful about this that I could barely get it together. This was my first year in Recovery. Well this young man, with some good years behind him, described how he would handle his fears: He said he had a Bookcase, (figuratively) and on the shelves were his inventory of Black Tar Balls, (his fears), and if he was not very careful, how something might just get close to one tar ball, and ignite, and it would blaze away until he could get it under control, and when one of the tar ball was on Fire, Fear controled his every thought and action. with a lot of work, using his HP, and the Steps, then slowly the emotion of FEAR would be put out and a sense of Faith replaced it, and back up on his bookcase, it would go. I always believed that this young man was saying is that Fear will really never be completely removed from the arena of emotions, but with time and a lot of work on this subject or emotion, we can learn to simply manage them, like the about quote from "The Road Less Travelled". Seeking God's Help when a new one raises it's head, asking that it be removed, seems to be the best way to "nip it in the bud"
As an example, in the last two or three weeks, I am due to get paperwork to renew my Drivers License, and instead of putting things in the real prospective. I live in an area that does not have a DMV office close by, so what would run through my head almost daily, is I really DONT want to drive all the way down to the City, with the Races going on, it will take half a day, and the automatic DMV renewal, well I had changed addresses, thought I had sent in a Change of Address years ago, but really could not know that for sure, so if I did not watch it, my head would go to, have to spend 3 hours on the Road, and probably have to do a driving test, (the fact that I have a flawless driving recond did not enter the equation.) So to finish this long and boring story, let me say that yesterday, I received in the mail, a notice saying Congratualtions! you are entitled to renew your Licence via the Internet.
My point of course is I thought about the little worry habit I have. and really we are not talking about worry, that was fear of.....whatever. And it made it so clear to me yesterday that Fear really does have a life of its own, nothing to do with reality, only what I choose to do with it.
Someone shared with me a few days ago that her Sponsor has a question she asks herself a Lot, Am I where I am suppose to be? (in this Recovery process) and all I can say to that, is I SURE Could relate to what her Sponsor asks herself.
Hugs, and if you still have your eye open and have not fallen asleep, good to see you here, and Hope you have a very good Friday. Toodles.
Long winded again, oh well.... or Toni
hahaha, had to come back and change the date to Friday, not Thurday. More coffee needed. toodles
-- Edited by toni baloney on Friday 10th of July 2009 12:18:47 PM
Toni, I enjoyed reading your post. It hits home for sure.
I like what you said about Fear having a life of it's own. This is so true!! This IS our disease, Fear. Alcoholism is a disease of Fear. Fear of things not going our way, fear of having to face certain things with the full emotional circle involved (thus, we drank), and ultimately, fear that God is really NOT in control, or has some plans in mind that we are not going to care too much for.
"Life is not going to go the way I want it to!!" and therefore I drank..... and lived in a fantasy world, and avoided all the yucky things called "emotions" that go along with everyday life. As an alcoholic, I want and have wanted to live a completely effortless life, free of monkey-wrenches being thrown into my plans, free of any uncomfortable emotions, free of aggravations of any kind, even free of having to make choices. In all this, I wanted to avoid and run from reality. (my GOD, how selfish!! LOL)
That is how I see fear today. The fears I have now branch out from the insane fear of EVERYTHING which I suffered from (and brought upon myself), for most of my life. And the only way to overcome these is to deal with stuff today, not run from anything anymore. To BELIEVE that anything I experience now is not going to be nearly as bad as what I experienced living with addiction. KNOWING that God is in control, and that I have ZERO to fear. Reminding myself over and over and over again. I even sometimes have to look myself in the mirror, and say, "Grow up!!!" LOL It sure is a lifelong proccess. But definitely getting better. Especially, for me, since taking advantage of every available form of help that is out there, in order to keep my "sane thinking" muscles in shape.
Thanks for this post, it really got me thinking hard about a really important topic!
Happy Weekend, Joni
-- Edited by jonijoni1 on Saturday 11th of July 2009 12:07:58 AM
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
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