Can I ask if there is anyone who stopped the alcohol, but became addicted to something else? I stopped drinking on September 11th, 2008. Though I have never done illegal drugs, it seems like I still search for a high. Even if it's something farely normal.....example, I love garage sales.....they give me a kind of rush (I guess the way that shopping does for some). But other things too, some that aren't so honest and harmless.
I feel like I'm going down another bad road....and quick. What should I do?
I've never had illegal drugs around me (besides marijuana a little). Heck, I don't know what I would do right now if I did. I'm just thankful right now that I don't. I just don't understand why I can't be happy with the way I feel when I'm 'normal.' And why does it take me to near death, before I do stop? I'm hating my life right now.
-- Edited by cramcj01 on Monday 6th of July 2009 06:01:57 AM
Yes many people switch addictions. Here's John Bradshaw's definition of addiciton- "An addiction is a pathological relationship to a mood altering substance or event, that has life damaging consequences".
The addictions are just a symptom of our problem, which is low self esteem/self worth. Instead of working to increase our self esteem and self worth (an inside job) many of us seek to create "outer esteem" though the acquisition of people places and things, but they never last. Many of us confuse pleasure for happiness, and seek to pleasure ourselves continuously (which is not possible). Pleasure comes from events, activities, time spent with others, while happiness is a state of BEING not of doing. Happiness is a direct result of gratitude for what we have right now, accepting ourselves and our circumstances as they are. Most of us postpone happiness by making statements like "I'll be happy when I get this, or when this is over..." telling ourselves that we aren't and can't be happy today. And when those days come happiness doesn't come with it, and if they don't come, a huge disappointment comes instead.
We must learn to love ourselves and life itself "as is" on a daily basis while developing a relationship with our higher power. This takes time, work, self disapline, and using the tools of the program.
"We are granted a daily reprieve based on our spiritual condition"
I understand that compulsion/feeling. I think we have about the same sobriety time and I still have a hard time just accepting any feeling that isn't a good one. I don't crave alcohol, but I have thought "If only there were something that could make me feel....." It sucks but I have seen many many people in just 9 months go out from AA due to drug seeking and "new" drug addictions. A few people on meth, a few on cocaine, and the most being painkillers. For me, I will admit I have on and off again, clung to a new relationship to try and make me happy and that doesn't work either. What does work is staying very active in AA and going to my own therapy. I try and really focus on those sayings like this too shall pass and one day at a time... I also try and look backwards a little bit and recognize how much more busted I was 9 months ago even if I feel like total dog doo today. My actual actions and the way I treat others is much improved. I guess, the feeling/thought of "Ok, I stopped drinking...why am I not happy yet?" is a hard one to deal with. I'm still working on that one too. A day at a time. I'm hoping, and I know things will get better for you Crystal. AA is a good safety net to fall back on and drugs, alcohol, and relationships are not. I've been struggling with my moods for the last 9 months and it has been really really hard. You can do this and emerge stronger on the other side. We are both still new at making sober choices and seeing where they lead us. We will make mistakes. We will feel like crap after or during and we will learn from them if we stay sober. AA, the fellowship, and my developing sense of a higher power are constants and they are there for me as I bumble my way through early sobriety. They are there for you too.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"We are granted a daily reprieve based on our spiritual condition"
This is something I can relate to.
If you feel yourself getting pulled into any unhealthful new habit or something, prayer can help but the spirit is greatly helped by being in accompany with others of like minds. And in dyer situations there will be a higher concentration of spiritual assist when you are feeling quite low.
Don't hold yourself back from growing in the spirit!
You have a very good sensibility about you Crystal. Please listen to that good part and follow that through, You do have all you need to move on through the low feeling. Always keep in mind, that it will pass . Work on the physical putting yourself in a place of people, where goodness is a kindred spirit and not where there are those that will lead you to harm in any way shape or form.
I think when we are taking the wrong path, we wish to believe it wasn't a decision. The desires of our heart can be confusing. But what is good for the heart, spirit and soul will be fulfilling in the most deepest of ways when we begin to truly own our decisions.
It is a lifelong process.
be forgiving be kind be truthful
and that is meaning to yourself as well as to others. And patience is sometimes the littlest word but it means a lot in making the goodness really pull into all aspects of your life.
It is not that easy and it isn't really all that hard, day by day!
Can I ask if there is anyone who stopped the alcohol, but became addicted to something else?
Oh boy my friend! My list is too long. What I learned is that I had a hole in my sole that I felt the need to fill since I didn't have alcohol to numb that feeling any more. That comes as I practice Step 3. Talking about those things, like you have here, with my AA friends is what helped the most, at first. They helped to think things all the way through. They helped me see the possible consequences of what I thought I wanted. Did this always work? No, because I didn't let it. I sometimes have to feel the pain before I'm willing to do anything about it.
I'm finding if I put more of myself into working The Program, my thoughts are, often, less on me. Being alone in my head is a dangerous place to be. I heard others say they've gotten mugged doing that.
Take it easy, and try using the tools in every area of your life. It works, it really does!!
Thank you for sharing!!
-- Edited by Jane05 on Monday 6th of July 2009 10:12:22 AM
My replacement for alcohol was/is food which has created health problems now it's time to do the less food more excercise - so right now I am walking/biking in the vicious health circle.
Later - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
And just like Jane, boy could I relate to this Post. In early recovery, (as an example) I had an new apartment that needed to be furnished, and I used the Garage Sales to complete that process, and was so proud of myself for all the wonderful things I had found, and enjoyed all the compliments of how I did this task. But then the Garage Sales became sort of a "fix" for me, I no longer needed one thing, and I would sort of joke about my obsession to go find a real treasure, and I would laugh and tell my friends, I need a 12 Step Program now for I have become a Garage Sale Junkie. Well it really was of course not funny. So what I started doing when I had visited with my friends after a noon meeting on Saturdays, is still drive to one or two Garage Sales, sit really still, and ask myself "what and moreso, why am I here.
The answer was simple, I had become obsessive about finding treasures, or to put it in planner terms, I was chasing a "High" A "high that was not going to come, So I would drive away and go home, and sit with the feeling of "what do I do now." Like i was sitting in a big vacuous space, it did not feel good to say the least.
What changed this pattern was that I began using the 11th Step, "Sought through Meditation and Prayer to improve our Conscience Contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and the power to carry that out"
I had heard and believe that it is true that the Steps should be done in order, and I had not finished my Steps up to Step 11, but I would use a fantastic tape that I had called "the Healing Journey" by Emmit Miller, MD. And from then on when after leaving that noon meeting, I would drive by maybe 10 or 12 Garage Sale signs that were always around my apartment building, and just drive home and began looking forward to the silence and meditation.
I just used your first example, for even to me, the most innocent appearing obsession is still and obsession. And I began to start tuning into sayings, such as Happiness is NOT outside your own skin. Just as peace is there inside us.
Gerald Jampolsky's (famous writer in California and now worldwide) anyway, his Significant other, Diane Cicaranio, ( sorry that is not how you spell the name, and I cannot remember) wrote a book called "Love is the Answer" and in that book she set up a mindset or montra for herself that went like this "Peace of Mind is my ONLY goal" and when she would, for example, see that her car just got towed away, she would resist her first natural reaction of being extremely upset, and would use her mantra over and over and over, until she calmed completely down. think maybe this part of my response was a little off topic, but just wanted to mention it.It does relate a little.
Hope you are feeling a little better today,
"Trust God, clean house, and Help another" That mindset works many times too.
A big hug to you Crystal, Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Monday 6th of July 2009 12:13:36 PM
Sorry to hear your are struggling. Maybe you could try exercising. That will make you feel good and help take your mind off your problems. Also, joining some sort of organization might help you get involved and keep you occupied.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
I can relate! For me, change was necessary. I decided to introduce some rather big changes just to throw myself out of my normal routine. Stuff to really "mix it up". Took up meditation, volunteer at an Emerg Dept., chair at meetings, took up P90X and running just to name a few. This absolutely took my mind off drinking and elevated my mood significantly too. Now I can try to incorporate all of it into some sort of lifestyle. I'm jumping out of a plane next month...wooohooo, definitely need my HP along for that one! I may even decide to wear a parachute!
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
