I have a new sponsor(my first) whom I really like. She didn't raise her hand, but when I went over the member list for this one meeting I go to, I was looking for someone who listed an e-mail as I am phone shy. I remembered her for her strength in many ways, long-term sobriety, and knowledge of big book and AA materials. We connected and our final thoughts were in sync that there was a reason for the connection, at least for now, and to go with it.
My message question is about this: I am sponsee number 6 or 7. Though we talked about it and it was mutually OK when we talked one on one, before and after meetings there's kind of a line to talk to her. Her spirit touches many people, and she has a lot to share. Well I have trouble reaching out to others, and this week I needed to call, as I had my first major compulsion to drink. In the back of my mind, I thought well, she has so many others to help, blah blah blah. I plan to bring it up at our meeting regarding step work this week.
Per our original disscussion I've been listening to others I might be able to work with as well. So I could just continue to search out another who doesn't have so many sponsees.
My dilema is that I really like working with her. It feels natural that I chose her. But I see the benefit of having another sponsor as well. Has anyone ever had more than one at a time? I'd kind of been sitting back and not worrying about the whole sponsor thing, and yet, here it happened, a big reason to stay close to a sponsor and I didn't. I want to be prepared in this way, as well as with the other options to reach out that are available in AA.
As I'm writing I'm starting to second guess the writing of my writing, so I'll leave it here. Maybe others can see and hear with their experience what I don't and then I can listen.
I can identify with wanting to be the only one your sponsor is working with - the first guy I asked told me to show up at his house at a certain time and that there would be several other guys there. I didn't go. My current sponsor was working with more than one (I think he had like 3 or 4 guys ask him at the same time, and he was unemployed so he said yes to all of them) but this time I decided to just go with it. Turned out the other guys all didn't show up and I think I'm the only one he's working with - I didn't actually ask him, 'cause like he said, when I'm there meeting with him it's just me and him. In reality I should not want to deprive anyone else of his help if he is willing and able to help more than one at the same time.
Angela I can identify with what you wrote. I'm on my 3rd sponsor.
The first was to hard to reach, the second reached me too much. But, I need them both. I can just now see that today. If you want to get right down to it, I have a sponsor today and several mini sponsors. Women who know me and some of my history and I them. This took time and work on my part. I trust these women and they have helped me like you would not believe. But, if I'm getting ready to make a move, (decision) Sponsor #1 is a must.
Sponsor one is a busy, working women, who also sponsors several others. I call and leave her a message and if I feel I can't wait I start calling these other ladies. Oh, and these other ladies are connected to my sponsor. They don't so much care about where I live or what I drive, but they do care about my sobriety!! Thank God.
My sponsor has 5 other sponsees, and somehow, being a professional with a home and 2 daughters and a husband and grandkids, she still has time for all of us. Some use her more than others. Not every one of the 6 of us is always calling upon her 24-7. The cool thing about it too, is that we help eachother out with stuff now too. We help pick the other up if one of us falls down. It was a great way for me to get "thrown into" a nice support group of women, and not have to rely solely on one person. I get ample personal time with her too. When I asked her, a lot of her sponsees had some years behind them, and were not as "high maintenance" as I was when first starting out in recovery.
Up to you, and some can handle more sponsees than others, but after being with my sponsor for 8 years, I can tell you that your worries should not be a reason for you not to move forward with her.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Well it was day 32 that you had a difficult compulsion to drink, and you made it through, worn out, but you did it.
Dont have an answer for you on number of Sponsor, if you had 20 sponsors and one was not available for you on that day, at that moment......
Early recovery means we need someone to be there, to help us walk thru those times. Availability is the key. well that is my opinion.
Gathering some phone numbers, you said you were an email person, not a phone person, but on that 32nd day, would you have just picked up that 100 lb. telephone?.
This is a WE Program because we Need each other, in many ways, the most Important is when a compulsion gets very strong.
Let us know how your Sponsorship question or resolution improves, ok?
thank you everyone, I'll think on it some more and talk to my sponsor about my concerns when we meet on Wed. Of course, she continually reiterates that I can call/e-mail her any time.
Angela, there's a lot of trust issues that come up when it comes to working with a sponsor. I have come to understand that literally drinking alcohol is really a symptom of the disease of alcoholism. The real problem lies in our thoughts. There are old thoughts that no longer work for us. One of my major ones is "I'm not important enough" and "I don't deserve to have other people that really care for me and want to help me." I can't say this is what is going on in your head...but it certainly hits me and does cause me to isolate at times when I shouldn't. It is possible that the "old angela" didn't use the phone much and wouldn't ask for help (having the mentality that her "problems" would burden someone else). Angela in recovery can do this because you are changing. You already questioned your reaction so you can see this change in motion even at just over 30 days. You are doing great!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Early on I had a sponsor who I asked to sponsor me, and I had another guy who basically made me his sponcee without me asking him, they both helped me, but the second probably helped me more, God just puts people in your path I guess.
In Ohio, it was ok to have a sponsor and a co-sponsor.
Here in GA you only have one sponsor, the reason being you could get confilcting opinions and suggestions and the new person could become confused etc. and play one person off the other (Mom vs. Dad type thing).
I think the one sponsor ideal is the best.
It is important that we all help each other, there are a lot people that I help and help me and we are not in a sponsor relationship. I always try to help and give advise and offer support but I will tell them to talk to their sponsor when they get into certain topics where they need to ask a sponsor who knows best what they are ready for.
I sponsor a few guys, and I know it is tough to give everyone time especially after meetings when everyone wants to talk.
It sounds to me like you just need to get some phone numbers/ email from some women who you admire and can connect with to help you build a support network.
This is my opinion....maybe ask your sponsor.
It's great that you are using a lot of tools including this forum for help, keep showing up and I'm certain God will put people in your path as he has done for us all!!
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
