When I was reading here this morning I was thinking of how that Power of the Compulsion to drink was still there, in my first year, laying dormant, I did not have an active compulsion.
But once in a while the Power of this Disease would feel like it had to tap me on the shoulder and have some say in the Recovery Process I was beginning.
I had a very long relapse history, and when AA finally was going to be, with the help of my Higher Power, I recall once, like it was yesterday, the disease having a say, and it went something like this. Yada Yada Yada, ok, one day at a time, but does this mean Forever, can you go on....and never or forever not pick up a drink.
And to that nagging voice that would sometime bug me about the NEVER part, I said back, of course we are talking about some internal dialogue....I dont hear voices :)
"Here is the deal, if ever I find myself in Communist China, and am about to be sentenced to lifetime of being in a Chinese Prison Camp, then yes, and only then, I will allow myself to have a drink, or a hundred drinks," bla bla bla.
And the very good news is that in the nagging voice of the Disease was finally quieted down, never bugged me again, and I could comfortable go on with my One Day at a Time Program of Recovery.
After writing this, thought about edited out and not Posting. I read it back and thought "too weird" haha.
Oh well, weird or not, I am Posting it.
Hope everyone has a great Sober day. Just for today.
Not weird at all. Yesterday at day 32, compulsion reared it's ugly head full force, and I have had plenty of internal dialogue. Happy to report that the non-drinking me is battle worn but victorious. I hope we never make it to Chinese prison.
