What is happening to me?!

OHAAT · Member

What is happening to me?!

toni baloney · Senior Member

Hi Karin,

Well first thing, give yourself a Lot of credit, putting together 6 months in your living envirornment, sounds like something this alke could never have done.

First, do you have a Sponsor, sounds like you really really need one, to help you understand so much about your living situation.

Have you thought about saying to your husband, I am trying to maintain my sobriety, can you drink somewhere else. Remember that "selfish" part of the Program.

I am saying a Prayer for you that this situation changes, for the better and quickly.

A Big Hug to you dear,
Toni

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Taking in a few Alanon meetings might help as well. :)

Hang Tough!!

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

I would change the words "who my husband needs me to be" to "who my husband wants me to be" and see how that changes things.

Other than that, I don't have any words of wisdom for you - I am going through the same general situation with my wife as far as her drinking and me not, but fortunately right now we are not living together and each have a kid of our own, but none together.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Hi OHAAT/Karin. Congrats on working up to 6 months. Amazing accomplishment considering all that's going on at home. I guess there are only a few things I would say: 1. You are not alone even though it seems some things in your life are in serious flux. 2. You know your health is a primary concern and I'm thinking that's a huge motivator for you to stay sober and healthy for your kids. 3. Maybe a small start would be if your husband would read "to the family" in the big book? 4. AA can't fix every problem and counseling could be helpful. 5. A mom may be the most important thing you've ever been, but don't forget there was a Karin before and Karin exists as an individual that deserves to be happy, to love herself and be loved by others.

It's been a painful journey here too. I read posts from many of you trying to get sober with families and children and I just empathize with how hard it must be to focus on your own recovery and the changes that brings about while dealing with such real and pressing family issues. I can afford to be selfish in my program without impacting others that much, but I can really feel for how torn you must feel. I hope your HP and sponsor guide you through this rough period and things get easier. Prayers for your ongoing strength,

Mark

-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 30th of June 2009 10:11:40 PM

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Karen,
congrats on your 6 months, and I think you have grown a lot by not drinking and using the forum to help you stay sober.
We have to remember to "Play the Movie" all the way to end when we entertain picking up a drink, we know the movie will end the same way it always has.

I know for me it was a slow process learning to live and enjoy life sober, but it will happen if you stay the course. We will develop "true friendships" and not just a group of drinking buddies.

To say that your husband and friends need you to be drinking is to say they might like you dead, we are no good to anyone that way.

It sounds like you do have a husband who is helpful raising the family and you have 4 kids that I'm sure you love...this is a start on things to be grateful for.

I would suggest:

Make a list and reflect on the things you have to be greatful for no matter how small they may seem.

Focus on the positive things, do your best one day at a time and truely give the rest to God.

Try to give of yourself by getting to meetings early, helping to set up etc. Lend a hand and a kind word to others as many are hurting just as bad or worse than yourself.

Consider talking to a therapist if you think it might help.

The promises always come true if we work for them!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Karen, good job on the 6 months, keep up with your meetings, sponsor, and step work, and things will get better. Praying for you

Dave Harm · Senior Member

Phil wrote:

Taking in a few Alanon meetings might help as well. :)

Hang Tough!!

That's an excellent suggestion. Things for me didn't really start to come together until I looked at the "whole picture." I had AA and things were moving along, but something still wasn't right.

That's where Alanon helped me a lot...

BeerIsMyPoison · Veteran Member

Hi,

I want to say congrats on 6 months! It's very impressive that you can control yourself while being in that enviornment for so long.

I think you should think of finding more friends that don't drink. Instead of feeling as the outsider, choose something that you do have an interest in, and get out in the world and start doin it! It could be fishing, bike riding, bowling, cooking, making movies, anything! I know it's easier said than done, but it will be fun and it will show others around you that there is funner things to do than drinking.

This is advice I am trying to live by, and I hope it helps you.
Ty