hi again , today is a weird day for me , yesterday i connected with my inner child about some painfull childhood experiences , i was driving home , it was so overwhelming , i almost couldnt drive and the pain was so immense as if i was only 5 again , i got the thought to drinkk and it consumed me, but it wasnt drink i wanted it was complete detachment from my pain , i got home and meditated and asked my higher power for help to find out what triggered this pain , i got some good clarification , and today i feel raw , this disease is so fucked up , just when i think ive "arrived" i fall down but i know this is a chance for amazing growth , and my big old loving god isnt gonna give me more than i can handle ,
i know all that was a bit messed up but i kinda wanted to know has anyone else had any experiences where it felt like your pain might kill you , yet you know theres only one way through it ????
After the second year of continueous sobriety, I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, and looked for someone that could treat this. I was very lucky that I found a woman that was a hypnotised and a Pycholigist and this was her speciality.
Well with attending meetings five evenings a week, I began going to see her too, three afternoons a week, and that therapy lasted almost ten years.
So I am pretty well versed in Childhood memory, (don't know if you are speaking of Childhood trauma). But I do have to say that that inner child work associated with the above was the most difficult work I have ever done.
And I really could relate to what you were saying about the painful part. many times I would talk about just that, and she would say to me, the only way around this, is right thru the middle of it.
Once, I began sobbing so hard in her office, and said, "I Cant Do This"!!!!! and she very lovingly said to me......But you ARE.
So dont know if this helped at all, but sure could identify with your Post. And on the positive side, have to say at times when I would go thru some real gut-wrenching memories, that would come back thru a flash of a horrible memory, I began to notice, a few days later, that the days felt so awesome, like I was just walkied thru a field of bogie men, so to speak, and then they were gone, and out into the Sunlight of the Spirit I would be.
So hope, if you want you can PM anytime, for further discussion on this, if you feel it is related to Trauma.
There are some of here on this Board that have had PTSD.
Hope today is a decent day for you after writing this out.
Take Care, Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Tuesday 30th of June 2009 07:58:56 PM
