Today someone in a meeting I went to said she was 2 years old. That got me reflecting once again on my AA birthday (see "Gack!" thread for more)
On the coin we receive in commemoration of our AA birthday, are the following words:
"To Thine Own Self Be True"
I believe those words are there for a very specific purpose. It is important that we each know what our birthday is - there should be no external pressure, no rules enforced by another which determine what our birthday is. As long as we are true to ourselves, and attempt to discover that truth, continue to meditate on it and when we feel that truth has changed, acknowledge the change - this is what matters.
I've posted before on this and heard many different opinions. That is fine. As long as I am seeking the truth for myself, I need not be afraid of those opinions - even if they differ from my own (or perhaps especially when they differ from my own) they help me to finally discover my own truth. And as the message on the coin states, that is what matters. If I am still rationalizing, I need to know that and I may discover it while meditating on the responses I receive from others.
Here is my current truth, my current belief, my current opinion which has descended upon me as a result of attending the meeting I was at today:
I feel that my AA birthday is a regeneration of my soul. I feel that my soul can die, while my body and mind live on. By the grace of God my soul may be reborn - or it may not.
The death of my soul can occur when I drink alcohol. The death of my soul can also occur even if I am not drinking alcohol.
My physical body can withstand a certain amount of poison without dying. It does not matter whether I intended to drink that poison or not - the effect upon my body is the same. My soul is different. It makes a difference whether I intended to drink the poison or not. If I unintentionally take a drink of alcohol, my soul goes into shock. It is then in very critical condition. If I then take another drink, my soul dies. Or if my first drink out of the bottle had been intentional, my soul would die.
I first stopped drinking on 2/16/09, after getting a DUI. My soul, however, was not reborn on that day. For nearly 8 weeks I did not drink, but my soul was not reborn.
Then, by the grace of God, I attended my first AA meeting on 4/11/09. On that day my eyes were opened and my soul reborn.
Though I took an unintentional drink on 6/10/09, I feel that my soul did not die. It was however sickened. It is still recovering from that incident, but my feeling is that it did not die that night. I feel that my AA birthday is in fact 4/11/09. I feel that my "sobriety time" is not something to be dissected or analyzed to death for the purpose of me being able to proudly proclaim it to others - because it's not something for me to be proud of. I don't want to announce "proud time" at meetings. Others may do that and it's perfectly fine - whatever works for each individual is great. But that's not what I want for myself. My AA birthday is the day my soul was reborn by the grace of God. Like my real birthday, it's something to be celebrated but not something for me to be proud of.
So as of today, I consider my AA birthday to be 4/11/09. When I announce it at meetings, I will announce that I am __ months (or years) old.
That decision is for now, and may change upon further reflection and meditation, taking into consideration any responses I receive here or elsewhere. For today, that is my truth for myself. "To thine own self be true" - as true as I possibly can, for this day, and letting go of my ego's control over this truth, I will continue to think and pray that either more will be revealed to me or that this truth will be affirmed for me.
Good for you! Luckily, i made a meeting the same day i quit drinking, so they are one in the same. My birthday is June 4, 2009. This is my second go 'round on this AA roller coaster. i'm strapped in and ready to ride!
It is whatever has the meaning to you. I didn't hit a meeting until my 3rd day sober. Either way, the time there is so small...I had admitted I was an alcoholic and was headed in that direction. I was still detoxing when I was going to my first meetings. I couldn't make full sense out of what was going on. I cried every meeting for about a week or so. I carried the big book into every meeting with me for like 3 weeks until someone told me "you can leave that in the car...there's not going to be a quiz." I didn't know how to program numbers in my phone so I was writing them down on the where and when. Now, I have about 50 numbers in my phone and that is a direct result of my putting myself out there and working that part of the program. Also, I don't think my soul was completely gone. If that was the case, I wouln't have made it to that first meeting at all. My soul was poisoned and damaged like you said. Death of my body and soul would have occurred at the same time, when I actually did die...which is where I was headed "persuing insanity to the gates of hell" as it states more or less in how it works. I agree that my soul has been given rebirth in AA though.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 28th of June 2009 09:52:52 PM
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I have a completely different view of the "Soul Death" you are referring to.
I have always believed the opposite, that the body can and will die one day, but that the Soul will live on forever.
When I spent too many years being saturated with Alcohol, I believe it could have taken my body, ended my life, but my (our) souls are there, Waiting to be Freed.
And the moment we turn to God, begging and asking for help, and then being led to AA, by our Higher Power, that was how I experienced this , that is when the Swinging door of AA remained open and stayed open, in Fellowship.
And with our Higher Power in our Lives, and the Fellowship, then the restoration of the waiting soul is released and freed.
Having been raised Catholic, (though no longer one), I know about the concept of the immortal soul. I'm not sure about it anymore - as far as the individual soul goes. I know that the souls of others who have died live on in my memory so in that regard, as long as there is a single human alive, the souls of all those who have gone before will live on in some way.
As far as the "soul death" of which I was speaking, I don't really know how to explain better what I'm thinking. It actually feels dead. It feels like I'm living without a soul. But maybe it goes into a state of instant hibernation, waiting to be woken up by the sunlight. In the meantime my mind and body continue to live on in torture.
