Today is father's day. A made-up day that seems to cause me to feel a variety of emotions. I have two children, my Dad died when I was 21, (39 now.) I was holding my Dad's hand in the hospital when he died...I was drunk.
Every year, my kids give gifts and spend time with me. After a while, my wife and them will go to her dad's. I'll spend time wondering what my Dad would think of the way I turned out. He never met my wife or kids. He never saw me "grown-up." I guess in many/most ways, I'm still not.
Same again this year. My wife and kids took me out to lunch and shopping...I hate shopping. My son made me go to "Abercrombie& Fitch." He said I dress "too old." Now I have new "young" clothes. I had a great time, but I still have this sense of loss. I miss the advise that he would have give me over the past 18 years. If he was here, who would I be now? I don't know if this is because he died when I was that young, I guess others feel the same.
This year is ending different. I'm going to bed sober. I'll get up tomorrow, without a hangover, without feeling guilty for not being sober while my kids were giving my gifts ect. Being sober makes the bad feelings and emotions so much worse...The good feelings more than offset that.
Its your day you should enjoy it. Put on some of those new cloths tomorrow and spend some times with your family. Think of not getting drunk today as an accoplishment.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Hey Mark, congrats on you first sober father's day! I remember feeling a bit odd or strange on special occasions in my first year. It is odd or strange for a drunk to be sober and it just feels that way, but mostly for that reason and nothing else. Feel your feelings, but don't try and figure them out. Feelings aren't facts, they are just reactions based on prior experiences and emotions. I too thought about my late father a bunch yesterday. He had a severe stroke when I was 31 (and only two years sober) that left him without speech and really left him a different person. The dad that I knew died that day. I took care of him for 4 years while his drunken x-girlfriend sued me in two states, with the help of my dad's brother. She wound up getting a hold of my father and wouldn't allow me to see him for the last 6 years of his life. That's the short version. So my father has missed out on most of my sober life, accomplishments, my son growing up ect.... I know how you feel. I did, however enjoy the 4 years that I got to spend with him for a variety of reasons. My father was away at sea much of the time I was a child, and divorced my Mother when I was 9. He was rarely around after that, and emotionally unavailable, due to his alcoholism, when he was. So I was able to tell him how I felt about all that, while I was taking care of him. He didn't like that too much but oh well . I made my peace so to speak.
I had a great time yesterday with my wife. We went out to lunch on our jetski, rode it down the beach and up the intracoastal waterway, did some sunbathing on a barrier island, went home and took a nap. My only son never called, and I didn't expect him to. I'm preventing myself from getting an attitude about it, I did the same thing a couple times to my dad. Karma is absolute.
Try and focus on the positive and ignore the negatives, especially in your first year of sobriety. Next year, and the following years, if you stay sober, it will feel much better for you, as you will have expereinced these things sober. It's a learning proccess, and every one of these new experiences has the ability to make us want to drink. It's also a opportunity to have a wonderful time sober and be available to feel your good feelings, which are right there for you if you can push aside the negative ones. It's a decision that gets easier to make over time.
Dean
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 22nd of June 2009 05:25:39 AM
Congrats Mark for getting through the Fathers' Day experience sober. Also, great attitude with seeing the positives instead of just the negatives. This first year seems to be filled with intense feelings and "freak out" moments. I think it's to be expected and just don't drink when one of those really really intense emotional moments hits. Every holiday has been strange this year. Coming up on my birthday next week and 4th of July. That one used to be a big bender week/weekend. Last year someone gave me a bottle of absolut at work for my birthday because this is all anyone could tell them that I liked. Pretty sad huh? Anyhow, keep that AA seatbelt on and keep riding.
Mark
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Hey Mark. I am only 17 months sober and took my first sober road trip with my son last year to visit family in P.C. it was strange and felt odd to me because I was not drinking but my son and I had the best time every, we stopped at the beach at little shops acting like tourists. LOL. Now we are going again this year and we will do all the same things once again. What I wanted to tell you was that I asked him some months later "So how long are you gonna want to go on this road trip with me" and he said every year! I loved that and that to me was worth millions. Fathers day is your day and being sober just makes it so much better; you wait till next year!
Thanks for the post.
Carla
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
. I made my peace so to speak.
