Hey this is Jeannie Haven't been on for awhile but I do check in once and again. Lots of great stuff and new comers- welcome. Let's get to it - I have a great problem with my partners sons girlfriend. It is obvious that she is using him and expects him to wait on her hand and foot. She just turns my stomach every time I see her, she is also very lazy - there are only three things that she cares about and they are getting stoned, getting drunk and of coarse getting laid. I just can't stand her. There is a family reunion coming up in a couple months and my partner told me that when she is her I am not. Any help or suggestions would be graetly apperciated. Thank-you in advance
Later Jeannie
__________________
You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Hi Jeanie, nice to see you posting. The son's girlfriend would come under "accept the things that I cannot change". That's the easy way of looking at it. The other way is that when we take great exception to someones character defects, guess what? My sponsor calls it "You spot, you got it"
Hi Jeannie. Nice to meet you. People have to go through what they have to go through to get to wherever they need to be. I know that sounds cryptic also, but my line of thinking is that your stepson is probably not going to stay in this relationship forever. It is sad that he is putting up with getting treated like crap, but one day it will probably dawn on him that she isn't for him. With any child (even an adult one), voicing your disapproval will likely just cause a rift and he will find all the more reason to think she is the perfect person for him. I guess one way to make the situation tolerable for you is to just think that she is the one who is going to eventually make him see he deserves better. Like sobriety for alcoholics, it won't happen in your time though...it might never happen but he's got to go through it to figure out who he is and hopefully someday that he deserves better (only he's gonna figure this out though). Also, remember enabling is a disease too and he isn't going to own up to it until he is ready (just like all of us did when we finally took that step 1 ourselves).
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
When she is here I am not - means that if she is in the vicinity of the farm house, I can not be.
StPeteDean - I am the opposite of her - I went to school and stayed there until I graduated then I got a job. I also do not expect anyone to wait on me hand and foot. I volunteer at the Salvation Army Thrift Store plus I am working a part time job - so please explain to me how her defects are also mine? She is not acceptable to me and I can not/ will not/ nor will I ever accept her. I know that my step-son can do much much better. Please do not take offence with my reply - I am very apppreciative of your reply and thank-you for it.
I would like to thank everyone who responded - you have helped a great deal.
Later Jeannie
__________________
You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
jeannie, I was just suggesting not implying. You sound very functional, and that's a good thing. Sometimes we get unnerved by others behavior as it reminds us of things that we May have done in the past, but have not resolved to accept. I know that this happens to me, and I accept my hypocritical view when I fail to realize that I once acted the same. Last Sunday, my son (and only child) who is 22, didn't even call me for Father's day. I began to get a resentment, but tempered it with the memories of years that I neglected to contact my father. I was able to resolve both issues, vicariously, forgive him and heal myself. Hope that this is helpful. My son has also had a few girlfriends that I didn't care for, but I realized that if I displayed my dislike for them, they would likely be around longer.
StPeteDean Yes I understand that you were suggesting not implying and when I was her age (18) I at least had some manners and offer to help but I was not as ignorant, rude and lazy as she is . You have given me something to think about and ponder for a while. Thank you for all your help. I totally agree that if we display our dislike and hatred for her then they will be around alot longer. I would like to take stepson by the shoulders and shake him until he comes to his senses but that will just cause more rift between my partner and myself. It's tense enough as it is - what else I can't get off my mind is that when she's around my stuff goes missing and never to be returned or replaced. I would like to thank everyone on this board for listening to my rant and raving - it feels good to finally get it all off of my chest. I may start posting more often. Thank-you again
Later Jeannie
__________________
You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
It's nice to see you posting again Jeanie, you joined and did most of your posting here before I got here. I'm hoping that a bunch of you older members and original members will come back and add to our growing community.
