How does one calmly and without criticizing, convey to someone else that since theyve quit going to their program meetings, and doing readings, etc. that they are going backwards, and do so with love?
Or does one just Let Go And Let God--and hope that they will get through it all.?
At one point in my sobriety, I had a great freind of mine point out to me, that I was doing the same thing, and I realized that they did so with love and concern. Im grateful they did that.
-- Edited by Phil at 08:39, 2005-05-06
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Thanks Rick. And yup-some things piss me off too buddy. The big thing is that we dont hafta pick up a drink over it. :) And thanku for being here. There are some days I just do NOT have all the answers.:)
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hey Phil, I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm going through the same thing with someone in my life right now.
I have had program people point out when I was maybe not working my program like I had been, or not in a productive way, and listened and accepted their advice. Then again at other times I got really upset and angry at the person.But I respect the fact they felt they could tell me their opinion.
Now when it's someone in my family, as my husband, I just have to let go and let God deal with it. I pray God will put someone in their path or that person will read something that will enlighten them.I pray they will hear something in a meeting that is one of those Ahhhh moments that I've been blessed to be hit over the head with sooooo many times.
I just have to remind myself to say things in love and not out of anger with a judgemental attitude.Not easy for me to do.
I'm sure you will figure out the best approach for this situation. You are such a wise guy, in more ways than one...LOL.
I hear ya...i have a friend who just won't take the easier , softer way, he called the other night while i was at work, my daughter took the call, she said he was right out of it...sigh
I really fear he could die...i can't save him...carry the message not the alcoholic, or drug addict ......but its so hard...tough love. I think sometimes...there must be SOMETHING i could say....but they just have to get it themselves...
I'm considering telling this person to not call...it's really bothering me...i MUST put my recovery first!!!
The first thing I would say is look after your own serenity first and foremost.
The dilema of such a situation for me is that I want for my friend to be free to see the world how they wish to see it, and for them to find their own happiness. The last thing I want to do to a friend is interfere with their freedom. However, it is my responsibility as a friend to share my concerns about their future happiness. I have found two approaches that have made an impression.
To sit them down and describe my own feelings on the matter, and ask them to help me get rid of these negative emotions by calmly explaining why they have taken their current course of action.
Another approach I took with another friend was to tell them how I valued my own recovery and how grateful I am for my new life. Talk of the problems I have faced and explain that the problems faced were not problems at all, but challenges. Challenges that have enabled me to be stronger, wiser and more secure with my ability to handle life in sobriety.
I would also remind them that if they relapse they are on their own until they start on step one again. Then and only then are we are all here for them.
