It would have been even more difficult if this had happened after I already had officially taken the Deferred Prosecution route with the courts for my DUI, (I can still change my mind before the hearing tomorrow), but still it was tough for me. I went to the treatment center and gave my counselor the following letter this morning:
Date:June 16, 2009
To:Robert
From:Glenn
As you may know, I still host Karaoke in a bar three times a week.On Wednesday, June 10, I was not hosting but I received a call asking me to be a judge for the contest.I agreed, and arrived about 15 mins before it was to take place.However, it turned out that there were not enough contestants.I was invited to stay and sit with the off-duty bartender who had called me, and sing a few songs.I accepted this invitation.
A bit later in the night, I inadvertently took a drink from someone else's beer instead of my coke.I had been watching a singer and reached for the drink without looking; I don't know how I could have mistaken a beer bottle for a short glass with a straw in it.I estimate that I had about 1 oz. to 1.5 oz. of light beer (it was a single short drink out of the bottle).I was upset and immediately went outside to call my sponsor.After I had calmed down, I went back in and did not drink anything else except for coke.
I have spent the past week agonizing over this event - trying to decide whether I should count it as a slip and change my sobriety date, whether I should report it to you, and whether I should quit my hosting job.I've gone online at the AA forum, and talked to several people at meetings.I've gotten conflicting advice, but finally have come to a few conclusions.
The first is that if I don't report it to you, I am committing a lie of omission and am not working Step 3.I feel that I need to report it and let you decide whether it is necessary to report it to the courts or not, and accept whatever consequences there may be.
The second is that I should change my sobriety date, so that there is absolutely no question in my mind that what happened was unacceptable; that I was responsible for it because I remained in the bar after I no longer had any valid reason for being there; and to practice humility.
The third is that I will no longer be available to judge contests, but may still host karaoke.This decision was made after I happened to be reading page 101 from the big book at a meeting - I feel that I will be on solid ground as long as I have a legitimate reason for being there (to earn income) and make sure to check that my motive in going (or in keeping the hosting job) is thoroughly good and remains good.
I would welcome any input on these decisions.
(See "Gack!" thread for more info leading up to this letter.) He then asked if I had known it was a bottle of beer before I drank some out of it, and I honestly answered, "No, not until it was going down my throat." Then he flatly said, "Keep your sobriety date." He also thanked me for telling him, and said that for the purposes of the court, he hadn't seen my letter. I respect him and he is usually a strictly ethical person - he won't go to the mini-mart across the street from the treatment place, for example, because he would have to jay-walk and because he considers it to be a "temple to alcohol". So I respect his advice and I now feel that I can keep my sobriety date of 2/16/09 with integrity. I had been 100% willing to change it.
Overall it was a very positive experience and I'm glad I was willing to let go of my own control and accept whatever consequences there might have been. I feel less anxious and more free as a result.
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Tuesday 16th of June 2009 02:44:57 PM
Thank you for relating your experiences. I'm dealing with a personal choice that has similarities to the issues you posted about. The messages are helping me to recognize what to pay attention to and to not fall off the edge by failing to figure out where it's at. I loved that you were willing to be honest and accept all the different responses and then make your own best decision. I hope you keep coming back.
"Took what you wanted and left the rest" is correct since I see absolutely NO responsibility taken with yourself in that, at all. You left it up to someone else......
Sorry if this offends you but here's what I think ~ my opinion, you need to go back to step one.And you need that new sobriety date.
But, that's just me.
~ Jen
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Well it's not exactly possible to take EVERYONE's advice when it's all different. And I was completely willing to take the advice of those who felt I should change my sobriety date - without the last-minute advice of someone with over ten years sobriety himself who knows my situation well and whose opinion I respect greatly, I would have changed it this morning. So I feel comfortable with my final decision to take the counselor's advice and keep it this time around. As I said in the "Gack" thread, if anything like that ever happens again I'll change my sobriety date.
As to the advice to quit my one remaining job, I defer to page 101 in the big book as well as my own conscience - I need to continue to maintain a roof over my daughter's head and I believe I can remain sober at the same time, as long as I keep going to meetings, working the program and making sure my motives are thoroughly good. I do intend to reduce it to one day per week once I have enough other income to do so (the single day allows me to continue helping out the business owner and possibly other alcoholics, as well as avoid a possible resentment that could lead to a relapse). If it weren't for my daughter, my niece, plus several animals that I'm responsible for, I'd be happy to just live in my car and go to meetings. That's not the case and my conscience tells me I need to continue to work in the one place I still can right now.
