HI all, i just found this site and dont really believe in coincidences anymore, i was meant to join this online group today!!! Ive been in and out of AA since '02 and never really did the suggested things. Ive been in treatment twice in the past 2 yrs and was in my last treatment centre just 6 weeks ago, It consisted of a 12 week work programme which included a small amount of group therapy and a lot of Catholic religion plus daily meditation. I lasted 11 weeks and was kicked out of the programme with 1 week to go because i relapsed....yes BAFFLING!!! Without a doubt all relapses happen well before we pick up that drink, i believe my relapse started on week 1 of the programme as i continued to smoke cannabis, which i am completely cross-addicted to!! Then i met a wonderfull girl and bagan an intensive relationship with her against all regulations and of course popular advice. Needless to say we relapsed together while on the programme, were both evicted and yet are still together, and still relapsing over and over getting worse and worse, yet we still believe we can beat the odds. So to cut a "short story long" haha....i am goin to a meeting this morning because i really feel now that i am beaten!!!! I am also goin to another meeting tonight, going back to see my addiction counselor, going to start taking Antabuse again although i used to drink on that too which i know is so dangerous!! I woke this morning after the worst case of "sleep paralysis" that i just got up at 5am and cried my eyes out, i was that scared!! I think that fear is the only thing that is goin to keep me sober for now, if so then its a start and i can only HOPE and PRAY!! Thanks for reading...please any positive reponse will be greatly appreciated....sincerely STUEY....
Hello Stuey and welcome to the board. Good luck in your renewed efforts to stay sober. I floundered for 2 years, while going to meetings, doing it "my way", and trying to hang on to a dysfunctional relationship. It didn't happen for me until I ended the relationship (a marriage) and became "willing to go to any lengths" to get sober, do a 90/90, get a real sponsor, read the books, go to step meetings, and work the steps. You'll know when you're ready when you loose any reservations that you have about the program and are willing to make it your primary purpose. It sounds like you're getting some incentive, in the way of physical issues. It usually takes a lot of loss to get through our thick heads. For me it was losing my mind and my freedom that scared me enough to make a 150% commitment to getting and staying sober.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 14th of June 2009 06:33:52 AM
Yeah, the marijuana maitenence plan doesn't work too well from what I've seen. For those that stick to just marijuana, they may get rid of the DUIs and some of the overt messiness and chaos, but they fail to grow as a person and keep all the same basic fears. I'm not the best person to ask on the relationship thing in the first year...I wouldn't recommend it, but at least when I did do it, I made sure the other person didn't hardly ever drink, wouldn't drink around me, and that they completely understood I was in recovery before i met them and that the recovery would be 1st because if I didn't stay sober...what the f--k kind of relationship was I in for anyhow? I already had the double drunk relationship and that sucked. At this point, I'm not terrified of the idea of "no romantic relationship." My world wont stop if I don't get laid or have someone around me all the time. Also, I wanted to add a recent cliche I've adopted on this site "I agree with Dean" regarding everything he already stated. It gets down to one simple thing "When the pain of remaining the same is too much, you will change."
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I'm sorry for you Stuey. After reading about your sleep paralysis story, I decided to search it on the internet. I really didn't know anything about it. It sounds so scary. I know that when I was drinking, there were so many nights that I was scared to fall asleep, for fear that I would not wake up. Or, if I ran out of alcohol and had to try and sleep while being shakey, I would usually give myself a panick attack. It's so scary. Then I had my seizures, which only worsened all of my fears.
But, those are some of the things that help me to stay sober. You seem like you know the program well. Good luck , stay sober : ) You know as well as I do....it's worth it!
